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Lisa Athan, MA Executive Director of Grief Speaks, Grief Recovery Specialist |
Testimonials
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"Lisa is an amazing, intelligent, passionate and professional person. Lisa is a remarkable resource for grief. The presentation was extremely powerful and has benefited many individuals." Dana Kaspereen, School SAC, PhD, LPC, LCADC,
"I wish that we had learned these coping techniques a long time ago. Why is this the first time we ever had a lesson like this in school? Keep reaching out to other schools. This was the best presentation I have ever had. I will use your helpful suggestions for the rest of my life. I no longer feel so alone in my grief. Thank you for coming to WHS."
10th grader at Westfield HS
"I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your excellent workshop. Your information and additional strategies/techniques were very inspiring and will be very useful to me as an elementary counselor. You have definitely have the gift of dealing with with complex issues involving multi-faceted areas of loss. I plan to spread the word regarding your professionalism as a Grief Recovery Specialist."
-Dennis Zahorian, Counselor at Clifton School District
Find out what other school counselors, SAC's, teachers, students, staff and parents have to say about Grief Speaks presentations.
See Testimonials on the web site at:
http://www.griefspeaks.com/testimonials
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Greetings!
Grief Speaks is an organization dedicated to normalizing grief in the lives of children, teenagers and adults. Welcome to the first issue of our newsletter. Grief Speaks provides schools, hospitals, agencies and communities with cutting edge professional development, workshops, presentations, groups and consultations. Lisa Athan, Founder and Executive Director, speaks in schools pre-K through 12th grade, to students, teachers, school staff and parents on the topic of Supporting Grieving Students through Grief, Loss and other Tough Stuff. Lisa provides her audiences with a wealth of information, resources, tools and strategies for supporting grieving children and teenagers. Grieving students may experience a loss related to a relationship, external object, their environment, an aspect of self, skills and abilities and even a loss of a sense of safety or esteem. Please visit the web site www.griefspeaks.com for a wealth of information on children, teens, grief, loss and healthy coping.
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Signs of Grief in Children and Teens
Returning to school after the loss of a loved one or any other loss for that matter, can be quite challenging. Many students feel vulnerable, different and long to be treated normally, yet want a few caring peers and adults to acknowledge their loss. Many students worry about their grades since inability to concentrate and forgetfulness are common symptoms of grief. Other common signs of grief are: talking about the loss a lot or not at all, asking many questions or not asking, clowning around in school, crying, withdrawal from activities and friends for a short time, acting "fine", over-reacting to situations, noncompliance with adults, sleep disturbances, pains in the stomach or head-aches, irritability, fatigue, wanting to rip or destroy things and reluctance to leave home. Indications that students may need further assistance are: dangerous risk taking, threatening to hurt self or others, violent play, total withdrawal from people and environment, a dramatic personality change and any or the above normal behaviors occurring for a long time or to an extreme. Please refer to the web site page Normal Signs of Grief and Loss in Children and Teens for more information.
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What Grieving Children Need:
Grieving children need honest and clear information. They need to feel understood. They need to be included and feel that they are not alone. They need to be given a sense of control. This can mean asking them if and how they may want to share their loss with peers or if they need extra help with school work. These students need consistency and routine, which makes school a place of normalcy that many students want to return to. It is important that they know that life goes on. Grieving children need a sense of security and safety. Death shakes one's sense of safety and often children worry what will happen to them or other loved ones. Allowing a student to call home at lunch to check in with a parent or caregiver, during an illness or following a death, can significantly lower anxiety and help with a child's school work and overall behavior. Children and teens need permission to express or the space and freedom to not express their feelings and thoughts. Some will want to talk about it and others don't. Some students barely show signs of grief which could mean they are coping privately or they don't feel safe or don't know how to share their grief. Forcing children to talk doesn't work and doesn't help. Children need permission and safe opportunities to express their anger, fear, rage, relief, guilt, sadness and anxiety among other feelings as they feel ready. Grieving children often get labeled as "acting out". They are acting out what is inside of themselves. They need to learn healthy ways to cope which will often replace this acting out behavior. Some grieving children may even get mis-diagnosed with ADD, ADHD or Learning- Disabled due to unexpressed or unacknowledged grief, which often present with similar behaviors. This is a good reason to provide families with a loss inventory for them to fill out regarding their child, at the beginning of each new school year.
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Great Books and Websites on Grief and Loss in the Lives of Children
I will list helpful books in each newsletter. Feel free to send good books you recommend.
You Are Not Alone: Teens
Talk about the Loss of a Parent. by Lynne Hughes, Founder of Comfort Zone Camp
A Healing Place: Help Your Child Find Hope and Happiness After the Loss of a Loved One by Kate Atwood, founder of Kate's Club.org (2009)
The Journey Through Grief and Loss: Helping Yourself and Your Child When Grief is Shared by Robert Zucker (2009)
When A Friend Dies: A Book for Teens About Grieving and Healing by Marilyn Gootman (2005) (Excellent book for teens!)
A Terrible Thing Happened: A Story for Children Who Have Witnessed Violence or Trauma by Margaret Holmes (great book for young children)
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Marc Brown and Laurie Krasny Brown
WEBSITES Good To Know about (These are not hyper links, please write them down or print)
www.good-grief.org (free, year round peer grief support for children 3-18 and parent(s) after the loss of a parent or sibling.)
www.rainbows.org : (free time limited support groups for children ages 4-14 coping with a death, divorce or abandonment situation).
www.comfortzonecamp.org (free weekend bereavement camps in NJ for children 7-17 who have lost a parent or sibling).
www.wellnesscommunity.org (support for children and teens when a parent has cancer)
www.2ndFloor.org (web site about teen issues, and a 24 hour helpline 888-222-2228 for kids 10-24)
www.afsp.org (American Foundation of Suicide Prevention) online training for teachers, parent and teen information and articles
www.sptsnj.org (The Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide of NJ) Great site with online training for teachers, video for parents- Not My Kid and a lot of great information for parents and teens.
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When a student speaks of a loss either aloud or in writing, make time to address the loss individually or as a class. As educators we can come to view crisis and loss as "teachable moments", or times when we can help children and teens learn about grieving. We can contribute to a student's ability to lead a healthy emotional life when we teach them to honor the grief process and to respect each person's capacity to grow and to heal.
Thank you for giving your students permission and safe opportunities to grieve in their own time and in their own way. You are teaching them a life long lesson and they will always remember your willingness to support them and care for them while they were on the difficult journey through grief.
"Sometimes our light goes out but is nurtured into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light." - Albert Schweitzer. This newsletter is dedicated to all of you who nurture someone's flame, and have rekindled their light.
Sincerely,
Lisa
Lisa Athan, MA
Executive Director of Grief Speaks
www.Grief Speaks.com
Lisa@Griefspeaks.com
(973) 912-0177
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