How's your EQ (emotional intelligence?)
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Roger Erdvig and I have returned from our first two Conversational Leadership coaching programs. The response has been tremendous.
One participant, who was initially skeptical, said "It's amazing how fast I got to a level of transparency and openness that I didn't expect." Another participant said, "This fits perfectly with the mission of our school--it will be a tremendous help as we work with the parents and children."
We have one more Conversational Leadership coach training program starting this fall. The one-day in-person meeting will be Friday evening November 14 and Saturday morning November 15 in the Washington DC area. I'd love to see you there. You can get more information here or e-mail me here and I'll send you an 8-page prospectus about how the Conversational Leadership coach training program can significantly benefit your business or ministry.
One of the workshop participants was Mike Ainsley, a former partner of a large accounting firm and a certified executive coach. Mike is a board member of the school hosting the training, and he was there to support the effort to prepare teachers and administrators to become more effective disciplers of children.
Mike shared a story from his coaching training program at Georgetown University. I thought it would be both encouraging and practical for you.
The trainer leading Mike's coach training class asked each person to think of three leaders they admired, and three admirable attributes for each of those three leaders. He distributed nine sticky notes to each person on which they could write down the admired attributes.
While they did this the trainer divided the whiteboard into three sections:
- Intellectual Intelligence (IQ)
- Technical Competence
- Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
The trainer explained: "Chances are, the attributes you most admired fit in one of these three categories. I'd like for you to come up to the whiteboard and place each of the nine admirable attributes in the category that best fits that attribute."
Minutes later, with hundreds of sticky notes on the board, the lesson became clear. virtually all of the sticky notes were in the Emotional Intelligence (EQ) category.
What we admire most in other leaders is not how smart or competent they are, but how they support their followers, challenge them and help them grow.
Emotional intelligence is not a new concept. Daniel Goleman has been writing about it for years. And yet the skills that EQ entails are still fairly scarce today.
Whether you're applying this with your direct reports, your students or your children, here are some immediate applications:
1. Listen well. Don't just pretend to listen. Concentrate on hearing what the person says as well as what he means.
2. Ask good questions. Avoid "yes" or "no" questions and "why" questions that make people feel as if they're on the witness stand. Instead, ask questions that help people take responsibility for their decisions: What do you want to accomplish? How will you know when you've accomplished it? How can I support you?
3. Pay attention to non-verbal communication. Of any given communicative message, 55% comes from posture and facial expressions, 38% from tone of voice, and only 7% from words. If you're relying only on words to communicate your meaning, you're missing out on 93% of the message.
The next generation of culture-shaping leaders is counting on us to lead with integrity and wisdom, and also with grace. Why not set a goal to focus on these three skills this week, and see what kind of difference it makes? I'd love to hear from you about the results! You can e-mail me here.
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