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"It's been a rough day," she tells me, "and I'm not in a good place. And, none of all my 'tools' are working."
Rough days we all know. All too well. But the non-functioning or insufficient "tool-kit". . .that's never fun. (Tools--the aptitude or capability or secret we use to handle and manage and cope.)
Yes. I do understand. I know what that feels like, when inside everything is unsightly or small or dark--even hopeless. Interestingly, what rocks our boat is not just being in a "bad place," so much as the realization that we are certain (at least at the time) that we have no resource to handle it. Or the tools that worked so consistently in the past, just up and quit. (Which makes me wonder; is there is a warranty on coping skills?)
"That puts us in a pickle," I tell her (after a good bit of silence). "You have no tools. And I, unfortunately, have no answers for your questions."
"Life," Lucy tells Charlie Brown, "is like a deck chair."
"Like a what?" asks Charlie Brown.
"Like a deck chair. Some people put their deck chair at the front of the ship so they can see where they are going. Some people put their deck chair at the rear of the ship so they can see where they've been. On the cruise ship of life, Charlie Brown, which way is your deck chair facing?"
"I haven't figured out how to get mine unfolded yet." says Charlie Brown.
Now there's the other conundrum--fessin' up. There are times when we know we have an unfolded deck chair, but there's no need to let on. "What would they think?" And if you add weakness and vulnerability to broken coping skills, it's a lethal elixir spawning this penchant we have for inherent unworthiness.
There's a great story about one particular shrine in medieval England. The shrine is said to have granted miracles to any married couple of long standing who had never wished themselves unwed. How many miracles were ever recorded at that site? None actually. There is, of course, no reference to this mythical religious site, but to my mind, it should have existed. Not that anyone would have visited. Or 'fessed up. Although there is not a single one of us who, in our secret hearts, didn't imagine walking away from it all at some dark time in our journey. . .you know, when the tool kit quit working.
Even knowing all of this, we want someone to discover the newer and better tool. . .(and, if possible, put it on sale). Because we're wired to "fix" whatever is "broken." I saw an ad for a new cell phone that promised -- "designed for serious multitasking" (which made me laugh out loud. . .because, apparently, if we're going to multitask, it better be "serious").
Here's the deal: Like it or not, what we are looking for is already inside us. And the holy thing that is inside of each of us is that which stirs and arouses the search in the first place. After all, "You can't buy it, lease it, rent it, date it or apply for it," Anne Lamott reminds us.
It's not just that we don't find it--whether it is peace of mind or love or well-being or purpose--it's that we don't even recognize it when we see it. Or, it is not where we expect it to be. . .say, in an empty tool kit.
Recently I was introduced to Peter Mayer's song " Holy Now ." One of the verses goes like this. . .
When holy water was rare at best
It barely wet my fingertips
But now I have to hold my breath
Like I'm swimming in a sea of it
It used to be a world half there
Heaven's second rate hand-me-down
But I walk it with a reverent air
'Cause everything is holy now
Everything, everything
Everything is holy now
Yes. I know. It's all well and good on paper, or in song. But what about real life? John Duns Scotus (theologian in the thirteenth century) talked about "thisness". . .the particularity of the Most Extraordinary Ordinary Thing in the World.
Being present--alive, conscious--is not about arriving at some Zen state of mind.
It is not about dismissing what is current.
It is about honoring precisely what is current. . .which means the scandal of the particular. (Our mind is more pleased with universals--the never broken always-applicable rules and patterns that allow us to predict and control things. Well, this may be good for science, but it's lousy for life.)
How do we honor "thisness"? Well, that's the tool.
For starters, here's the good news; we have no need to run from any possibly of being wrong or misunderstood or flawed. Did you know that there are stories that every time (day) the Wright brothers went out (to try their new "flying machine") they would have to take five sets of parts, because that's how many times they would crash before they came in for supper?
Currently I'm teaching an e-course on pausing. (Actually it's about the paradigm shift, the permission to see each day with new eyes. The freedom to be present.) Of course, there's a temptation to make it 5 steps to successful pausing. "I get the pausing part," one woman told me, "Just tell me what I need to do to be good at it!"
Which brings us full circle back to the tool kit.
And. . .I still don't know.
But I can tell you this. Last week I was in Hawaii, on the Big Island,I spent time with new friends and practiced the Chinese proverb that you add 100 days to your life if you try a new food. So I dined on Lomi oio with opihi, Aama black crab, Molokai Venison, Poi, Kimchee tako, Chinese oxtail soup, Smoked tako, Fired papio, squid luau (coconut milk), Seafood medley-lobster, shrimp oio, crab, Kalua pig with cabbage and Chicken papaya green (manako). I added almost a year to my life (give or take a few weeks), and watched the sun set amber and luminous on the Pacific horizon.
I'm sure I could hear Mayer's voice in my head. . .
I walk it with a reverent air
'Cause everything is holy now
Meaning what? Meaning that the scandal of the particular will always trump an empty tool kit. And in that scandal, we sing or eat or savor or adore or listen or feel or relish or taste or love.
And most assuredly. . .we dance.
This is from the blog of Bob Dawson . . .
I have Parkinson's. A friend bombarded me with the Blues. I started to dance, and groove, and visualize. Music on - disease much better. Music off - symptoms come back. How come? I found out that there are Parkinson's patients who cannot walk, but they can dance.
What's up with that?
This site does not contain a cure for Parkinson's.
I do not know if music and dance can help everybody.
If you have Parkinson's, it is my personal, non-scientific opinion that you should find music that you get off on, play it LOUD,
and start to move to the music.
Every day. Dance as therapy.
Dance for flexibility, strength, endurance.
Dance for joy.
Dance in defiance of the disease.
I agree with all of that.
But here is what this site is really about:
Dance for a cure.
Dance to bother the scientists.
(1) Medieval shrine story from David Whyte's The Three Marriages
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