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We've all dealt with toxic people in the workplace. They make you feel bad in any encounter with them. They judge you, devalue you, and manipulate you. Sometimes they hide behind a nice façade at first, but eventually they show their true selves. You've probably encountered the bulldozer, who will go right through anything or anyone that gets in the way. How about the "Yeah, BUT..." constant complainer whose only filter is negativity? Then there is the backstabber - nice and agreeable to your face, but will hurt you behind your back. These are the toxic biggies, but there are annoying people with constant minor flaws too: The Know-It-All who is always right, and "A Friend in Need" who always wants something from you. It is hard to escape these people, because they feed off of your painful responses. And, unfortunately, toxic people almost never change. To paraphrase Godfather Michael Corleone, "You try to get out, but they keep pulling you back in."­­

It is important to protect yourself from the damage, pain, and interference in your work that these people can cause. Here are some key techniques:

Focus on Outcome: What does the person actually want? Are they looking for praise, just a listening ear, relief of loneliness, support? Go beyond what they've said, and imagine that the toxic individual has answered the unspoken question: "What do you want to have happen as a result of this conversation?" Sometimes you can actually ask that question, but it could trigger anger or hostility. Pick your moment. In any case, if you guess (or hear) correctly what the person wants, and give them a small dose, future interactions can be more positive. Remember to exit quickly.

Distance: You are not required to engage every time you encounter a toxic person. Practice the art of minimal response: "I see;" or "I understand." Omit the follow up discussion. Just don't engage. Also, physically avoid encountering the person. Take a different path. Sit at the far end of the room in meetings. Avoid eye contact.

Element of surprise: Toxic people use repeatable (and predictable) patterns of behavior. You can break the pattern in your response. When hearing some negative comment that would usually cause you to argue or be defensive, instead, agree with the person. Them: "You never support me." You: "I could be more supportive." This is an unexpected response to them, and causes them to think differently about what comes next.

Reinforce Positives: In rare instances where a negative person says something positive, be sure to notice and comment favorably. Reinforced behavior gets repeated, but it will take many times for it to become a habit.

Stick to Facts: The toxic person makes things personal. They break the cardinal rule of criticizing the work or the situation but not criticizing you. You must take the high road. Stick to the facts. Keep things objective (not defensive) in your response.

Change the Subject: Discuss something different - good news (yours or company's), lighter subjects like weekends, hobbies, etc. Having a positive interaction on some non-threatening topic can sometimes cause the toxic person to enjoy you differently, and may lessen their need to inflict pain.

Don't be quotable: Whatever you do, don't give the person any ammunition by which to harm you. While you are trying to be agreeable, avoid trashing others or the company. It could come back to bite you, if the toxic person quotes you to others. At the same time, don't discuss your "tactics" in dealing with the toxic person with anyone else - it might get back to the source of your trouble.

You may never completely escape a toxic person, but if you implement even a few of these techniques perhaps you can lessen the negative impact they have on your work life. It is worth trying!

Steven Covey, in the bestseller The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, lists as Habit #2, Begin With the End in Mind. As applied to hiring, this means that you, as a leader, must visualize the outcome of your new hire's employment - you can see in advance what he or she will accomplish once on board. This sounds easy, yet many top executives describe ideal candidates primarily in terms of background and experience, then the all-too-commonly-desired personality traits. But does this prescribe success? When looking at similar resumes, how would you know if someone will succeed in their new position with you, or if they will fail? After hearing the textbook, rehearsed interview answers about how this candidate is a leader and motivator, could you predict if that will come true?

Business leaders are all expected to have vision, and most do. They can articulate very big and often complex business goals. They know where their company is going, and how it is going to get there. However, in our experience, when asked to describe how a particular executive in a new position or strategic replacement hire will specifically help them get there, a majority of these leaders revert to describing background or personality, saying something like "I need someone who has sold into our sector, and who can hit the floor running. I want someone who is a great leader who can motivate my team, and who understands how our customers use our products." Of course you do. Who doesn't want these things in a new hire?

The vision to define success (the desired outcome; the "end" in mind) for a new executive hire requires a senior leader to see how the company's business goals are translated into specific actions by each member of the senior team, and how those actions would be measured at the end of a year's time. It is essentially writing the framework for a performance review, but not a year after the hire, doing it before the hire.

Instead of saying, "I need a VP who can grow sales by 20%", a CEO needs to set this much more specific goal: "Grow sales by 20%, equating to $X million in new sales, with half coming from deeper penetration of existing clients, and the other half from new work from new clients. Achieve a significant upgrade of our field sales talent, plus expansion of our channel partners from 10 to 30 independent reps." This is exactly the type of information that would be used in a performance review.

At the performance review, you would be asking: Did the VP penetrate existing accounts? Did the VP capture new accounts? Upgrade talent? Increase reps? If you are thinking one step ahead, you can also see that these questions can be turned into interview evaluation criteria before the hire. Candidates can be asked, "What in your background would specifically prepare you to achieve deeper penetration of existing clients, to get $X million in new sales? When have you had to upgrade talent? How have you motivated a poorly performing team? What was the result? Have you had to significantly increase a channel by tripling reps in one year?"

Now you have useful criteria by which to screen candidates! And, the candidates will be significantly more interested in your firm, because you have defined the challenges they will face - you have created a business plan for them - which gets them more excited about the opportunity.

As you can see, going beyond the normal (and boring) background and personality factors in most job descriptions, to really define the success criteria, and then screening for evidence of capability to achieve the results, will get you far better data by which to make a hiring decision. You will really be able to see ahead to how and why the candidate will achieve "the end" - the desired outcome so critical to your business. 

 Author Seth Godin