News from Peace Begins With Me

Recently a friend gently chided me. "What's with all this talk about peace? How could we not be peaceful? Unlike many places in the world, we don't fear being bombed or shot at. Our dilemma is not whether we will eat, but where we will eat. And with the rare exception we go to bed each night expecting to wake in the morning."

It's true. Our quest to experience peace is, for the most part, not about changing our external world. We are blessed with abundance - food, shelter, security, and opportunity that exceeds what kings and queens experienced just a century ago. Rather, to achieve the peace we desire requires changes to our internal world.

Most of the drama and suffering we experience is created in our minds. The demons that need to be slain do not exist outside of us but rather inside of us. Our fear is largely the result of an imagination that regularly manufacturers its own nightmares. Research indicates that the average North American thinks nine times as many negative thoughts as positive thoughts.

I know what it is like to have a mind that creates suffering and drama. I lived for years in a chronic state of fear. I regularly imagined dangers and events that never materialized, yet suffered nevertheless. I was in a constant state of anxiety and foreboding about the future. That was before I discovered the importance of managing the stories I told myself.

If peace is to be achieved it must begin with each individual making a commitment to being peaceful, regardless of what the world offers. The battlefield that needs to be won is the one that exists between the 'events of life' and 'the meaning we assign to these events'. Only when we develop mastery over our thoughts and related emotions will we make progress in our desire for a peaceful world.

Ronald Wright, author of "What is America?' describes America's free fall into fear since September 2001. He is very clear that the current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan weren't caused, as most attribute, by a handful of supposed hijackers. Rather, the military invasions and the numerous violations of civil rights and freedoms, international laws, and human decency were the result of our response to the events of September 2001. It's the stories we told ourselves and the meanings we assigned to those life events that created the disastrous effects.

When we attribute our thoughts, emotions, and actions to the behaviour of others we give away one of our most cherished attributes as a species - the capacity for choice. I often hear people declare that someone "made me happy, sad, or angry". When we believe that others are responsible we act as if there is no space between stimulus and response, between life and our response to life; that our actions are not our doing. It is impossible to create a peaceful world if we declare we are not responsible for our actions.

This week a client eagerly shared his delight in his own progress toward developing mastery over his mental and emotional states. "Ted", he stated joyfully, "you'd be proud of me. On my way here today another driver didn't properly check before changing lanes and accidentally scraped the side of my car. A week ago I would have lost it, letting him know in vivid terms how poor a driver he is. Instead I held onto my peace and my joy. I refused to let this event knock me over. Instead I let him know that nothing important happened. Everything can be fixed. Not to worry."

The fact is it is easy to be peaceful when the world around us is peaceful. The real test of mastery is whether we can maintain our peace and our joy when those around us are not peaceful, not joyful. But as long as we act as if we are not responsible for our response to life, as long as we make others responsible for our actions and reactions, we will never become a civilized species.

Ronald Wright saves his most important comment for the very last sentence of his book. He writes, "For civilization to continue, we must civilize ourselves."

Cheers,
Ted