News from Peace Begins With Me

"He's lucky to have you," said the man sitting in the chair at the end of the row. For the last few minutes he'd been watching my son as Josh explored the waiting room of the chiropractor's office.

The man meant well. His words were spoken with kindness and compassion. I understood what he was getting at. It takes only a few moments to see that my son is different. What causes the searching for a label is Josh's stooped posture, his unsteady gait, the saliva running constantly off his lower lip, and Josh's use of words - short, simple. "Who's that?" "What she doing?" It's the language of a two-year-old. The words are odd when paired with the body of a nineteen-year-old with whiskers growing on his chin.

The man's statement is true. Josh is lucky to have me. I am in love with my son. I enjoy and appreciate who he is and the gifts he offers. Not everyone responds to Josh this way. Not everyone is able to see Josh's gifts. Not everyone can see past the parts of Josh that are disabled to enjoy the parts of him that are lovely and endearing.

For a long time I couldn't get past the disabled parts either. I spent years wishing my son would be normal and healthy. I wanted the doctors to do something. Anything! Just fix him. It took me a while to accept my son for who he is. And so, I understand the gentleman in the waiting room.

The truth, however, is that I am the lucky one. I'm lucky to have Josh. Josh is the most significant teacher in my life. Josh opened me to all kinds of experiences I'd heard about but really didn't understand. Josh forced me to deal with aspects of humanity as anger, sadness, forgiveness and acceptance. Also patience, simplicity, love, and respect for differences. I read about these things in self-help books and textbooks. Josh helped me to find these things in my own heart.

Bonnie Sherr Klein, author of the book Slow Dance writes, "Disability allows the possibility for us to be our most human". I know I have become more human because of my relationship with my son. I know that my relationship with Josh has made me more sensitive to the plight of people who are marginalized because of their differences. I know that Josh has challenged me to recognize that gifts come in many shapes and sizes, and that the gifts of "being" are just as valuable as the gifts of "doing".

And so the truth is we are both lucky. We are lucky to have each other. Both of us have grown immensely as a result of this relationship of ours. Josh is a better person because of knowing me, and I am a better person because of knowing Josh.

Josh isn't special in this way. All people have something valuable to offer. All people have the ability to make a contribution. When I meet a person in my day, I consciously ask myself, "What gift does this person have for me?" "What gift do I have for them?" This line of questioning enables me to recognize that each moment, each encounter is precious.

Today a man recognized the gifts I offer my son. Maybe tomorrow he will recognize the gifts my son offers me. And on that day we will celebrate because humanity will be richer for this acknowledgement.