Speak Without Fear - Edition 20

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March 2012

Edition 20

What is Deb Up To These Days?

There is no someday.

I am fascinated with the ocean, the shoreline and the waves of life that the water provides. So a few weeks ago some friends and I went with a small group to Bull Island, a barrier island off the coast of South Carolina. We went for a walking tour of the coast and inland.

On the walk our conversation turned to "what's next" for all of us. What's next in life, work, love, friends and family? And although we all had our ideas of what we'd like to see, it was clear standing in the ocean wind that without action nothing would happen. Like the driftwood coming in from the sea, we'd be tossed about 'hoping' to land somewhere. We joked that at least the seashell creatures had a plan every time the waves hit the shore. They knew they had to burrow into the sand before the birds came along and gobbled them up.

Having a plan - it seems so simple but I rarely encounter people who have a real one- one with dates for accomplishments or re-direction. Often I even find myself talking about 'someday'. Not today or tomorrow but some time in the future - whenever that may be. You know...Someday.

This vague thought began to take the form of a promise to myself. At the end of our stay my friends and I were at the Edistonian (the famous shop-eat-gas-bait-shop) and one them bought me a T-shirt as a gift. You can see the front in the photo above. It says: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, - See? There is no Someday. Hmmm...I think I'll pull out my calendar and make a plan.

With thanks to Lisa & Roger for the use of their amazing beach house and to Stewart for the insightful T-shirt

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For the next few newsletters I am going to talk about what I see from the stage. Things that needs to be discussed between friends. This month's topic is a word I hear all the time and it makes me cringe.

Stop Saying You're Sorry...

If you've attended a Deb Sofield seminar, you know I encourage folks to stop using the phrase "I'm sorry" in their business vocabulary. You may need to say this in your personal life but be very careful in your business life. Make sure you're not apologizing for things that you have no control over - i.e. when others are late to a meeting, the lousy weather, or a rude colleague. Those are not your issues nor are they your fault. They are someone else's actions so don't take ownership of other's rude behavior. You're stepping into the action role when you take ownership by saying, "I'm sorry" about something you have no control over. And realize that when you constantly say, sorry it can be perceived as putting yourself down.

Now, I'm from the South and to show our politeness we say things like, "How's your mother?", "Love your hair...", "Bless your heart...", and you might even have to say "I'm sorry" once in a while. Just remember, using the "sorry" word might be a detriment outside of a personal relationship.

So, do not apologize in business unless you are wrong. You need to stop saying you're sorry just to be polite or as a filler word. Instead of saying you're sorry, let me encourage you to say, "pardon me" or "excuse me." These phrases allow you to verbally maneuver around a potentially difficult situation without losing your credibility.

Here are some good phrases you can use to turn a conversation and keep people focused on your message...

Have you ever thought about...

I'm not sure what your dad said... but mine always told me...

Consider this....

You know what it is like...

fulminate

[ fuhl-muh-neyt ] verb

1. To explode with a loud noise; detonate.

2. To issue denunciations or the like (usually followed by against)

All parties in the political spectrum issued fulminating ads about the candidates and their issues.

*with thanks to dictionary.com

Deb with friends heading to Bull Island

Deb with Cathy Doyle, Carol Hamilton

Deb with Stewart Bauknight

Hooray for March with McDonalds Shamrock Shake - my favorite

Deb Sofield trains women and men for success in public speaking, presentation skills and message development in the U.S. and abroad. Email Deb at deb@sofield.com

Deb Sofield is a member of the National Speakers Association.

Where in the world is Deb Sofield

South Carolina
Public Speaking Skills - 15 Rules for the Road

Connections, Furman University

South Carolina

Public Speaking Skills - Speak Without Fear

GSA Technology Council

South Carolina

Public Speaking Skills Presentation

Greenville Chamber Sales Roundtable

Deb's personal opinion she should not say out loud but does...

I know I should not weigh-in on politics, but the hypocrisy on both sides of the aisle is astounding.

I vividly remember the hate-filled vitriol that was hurled at George Bush by the left with no regard for the Office of President or the person. And now the same bitter attacks are aimed at Barak Obama (again, with no regard for the Office of President or the person) by the right.

The unwillingness from both sides to tap down the vocal violence concerns me greatly. What is the future of civility?

If you're going to allow or encourage your followers to demean someone because you're in power and you can, don't cry foul when the other side hits back twice as hard.

I understand the game - but I don't like it. When the fabric of our society is so shredded that the threads can no longer hold, we'll then realize we've accomplished nothing but the destruction of what was built to last a lifetime.

FINAL NOTE: Surf on over to my blog www.debsofield.com/blog

to read THE FINAL NOTE for this March edition....

"Speak when you're angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

- Ambrose Bierce

Cooking Country Cooking Makes you Good Looking - On my blog - debsofield.com/blog you can find my Country Cooking Makes you Good Looking monthly one-sheet of Deb's Famous Recipes -

Check out my March recipe.

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