It maybe a bizarre concept to initially get our heads around with the way we have been brought up to understand love, but the truth of the matter, certainly according to Carl Gustav Jung one of the greatest psychologists of recent times, is that when we initially fall in love we do so with our own reflection, the parts of our self we don't initially recognize, but see within the other.
When we do this in the first instance we are most likely to fall for someone with regards to their beauty as with Adam or Eve, or the way that they are crusading through their life in the work that they do, or it is a subconscious attraction to a father or mother type, someone who we think will look after us, or finally it is the spiritually wise man or woman we are falling for.
However what we are attracted to is in fact our own beauty, our own ability to make our way in the world, our own capabilities to nurture ourselves and our own spirituality and wisdom, qualities that we have as yet not recognized within our own being.
All 4 aspects represent what Jung would call the anima and animus, the female aspect of ourselves that exists within every male, and the male aspect of ourselves that exists within every female.
Our task as we go through life is gradually to become more aware of these initial projections we place upon one another, this all consuming attraction and reclaim it back, appreciating more of who we truly are in the process, becoming more whole ourselves. So instead of being captivated by the reflection we initially see, we can uncover the mask and start to see the person in front of us for who they truly are, loving them for all their unique qualities, turning our initial obsession, attachment and conditional love into a more healthy way of loving, that is more unconditional.
Like what the great poet Kahlil Gibran would say on marriage:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
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