From Whining to Winning:

This was the general consensus at a recent job search strategy session I facilitated for a group of 15 mid and senior level managers. It began with an onslaught of grumbles and grievances about the state of the job market only to be capped by grim predictions that it's probably going to stay that way for a long time. Doom and gloom ad nauseum.

Then, like a beacon in the darkness, one of the participants announced his annoyance with the constant "whining," declaring it counterproductive to their efforts to move forward. Eureka! I thought we'd reached a critical turning point - the light at the end of the tunnel --the dawning of hope!

But, alas, there was no seismic shift in the group's energy. They merely slipped into a whole new level of pessimism, albeit with a future focus -- from how awful it is to how awful it will be!

"Even when I get my next job, it will probably not be what I really want.'

"And it will probably pay less"

"Not to mention a longer commute"

There's a Buddhist proverb that says "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." As the facilitator, I knew that any attempts to quell the negativity would be futile and would further fan the flames of contempt. So I just waited and listened, knowing that sometimes whining, in and of itself, can be therapeutic.

After a while, the group boiled down to a low simmer, and I seized the opportunity to redirect their whining ways toward a more productive, winning strategy for finding a meaningful job. I proposed the possibility that their frustration, while genuine, was distracting them from expressing their true values and desires about what they really wanted from their next job. Despite some folded arms and scornful looks, I did catch a glimmer of optimism.

"The beacon" recognized that many had assumed a "victim" identity, which stripped them of any control over their outcomes and rendered them powerless. He expressed exhaustion from all the whining - and I noticed a few others nodding in agreement.

I suggested that a more powerful stance was for each to see themselves as co-creators of their future. "If you take responsibility for your own thoughts, and the feelings that result from those judgments, you can make new choices that help you achieve mastery over your own well-being. Instead of anger, fear or blame, you can seize acceptance, confidence and action to become the captain of your own ship." I asked, "Does anyone enjoy being a victim of circumstances?"

A few blank stares at first - but eventually this led to a discussion about how to reframe their story from a lament ("I hope I get something" and "I'll take anything at this point") to a coherent and authentic statement of what is important ("This is who I am, what I can do, and what I want for my work and life").

For some, this was a relatively easy shift. As pragmatists, they could easily identify adjustments and compromises that would move them toward a more productive job search strategy. Others were open to considering that their defeatist attitudes were impeding their success in the job search. Several of the group, regrettably, stayed stuck in their victimhood, becoming louder and more adamant in their whining.

The lesson is that each of us has choices in the manner in which we process change and transition in our careers.  We can choose to relinquish power to sources outside of our control, hoping for the best, but whining all the way. Or we can choose to acquire power by taking responsibility for our future, looking for new options and possibilities, and finding alternative paths to achieving our goals.

As I wrapped up the session, I overheard a few participants still whining as they left the room. Apparently for them, the teacher never appeared!