How many of the following characteristics do you possess?

1. Are you direct and say what you want?
2. Are you able to converse and work well with people at all levels?
3. Do you know and like yourself?
4. Can you refuse a request without feeling guilty or obliged?
5. Do you make concessions to others without feelings of inadequacy?

Albert Mehrabian, a socialinguist, suggested that the most important impact from what we say comes from our body language. As can be seen from Mehrabian's pie chart below, when we are deciding whether or not someone means what they say, 55% of the decision is influenced by body language, 38% from the tone and only 7% by what is being said!

1 = What is actually said
2 = Tone of voice
3 = Body language

So if you are going to be assertive, it is imperative that the words you say are matched by your body language.

There are broadly four types of body language to be aware of:

• Posture: Upright and relaxed. A slumped posture gives the impression of a cowed and beaten demeanour.
• Facial Expression: Nothing establishes rapport as effectively as eye contact. Attentive eye contact conveys commitment, honesty and straight- forwardness. Failure to meet the other person's eye may be understood to indicate dishonesty or shame.
• Speech & Voice: Direct, relaxed, friendly, well moderated and not strained.
• Gestures: These can be used to to emphasise meaning. Open, hands not raised above elbow and parallel shoulders.

1. Think about your specific objectives.
2. List the non-assertive behavioural traits you wish to change, along with the desired outcomes of a range of situations. e.g asking for a pay rise.
3. Rehearse what you want to say in typical scenarios - follow a script if necessary and say it out loud as this will help fix it in your mind.
4. When you feel confident enough, practise in a real situation, but choose one where the stakes are low.
5. Tailor your script to fit the different situations and the people you will be dealing with as this will help to ensure you come across as assertive rather than pushy.
6. Remember to keep you emotions in check at all times.
7. Don't assail the other person with aggression or attacking behaviour, but don't appear submissive.
8. Don't forget to display the appropriate body language
9. Remember every human has the right to be treated with respect
10. You have the right to refuse a request or say 'NO'

It has taken a lifetime to get you to behave the way you do now, so do not expect to change overnight. Also, you won't learn to become a more assertive person just by reading, you will need to practice.

Remember:

Assertiveness is just one of many subjects covered by our hugely popular Rapid Results® 90 minute training sessions. With over 24 topics to choose from, these lively and interactive sessions are packed with tips and ideas to really get your people switched on! Click here for more information on bite sized learning that sticks!

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