My name is Gail and I'd like to share my testimony about my spiritually unequal marriage.
I was brought up in church and was saved when I was 14 years old. I was very active in my youth group at church until I graduated high school in 1975. I had held a job since I was 16 and so just continued working and taking a few college classes, not sure what I wanted to do with my life.
I still attended the church I was saved at but was not as active in the college age class.
When I met James, he fell in love at first sight but it took me a few months to realize I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Like most girls who fall in love, when I asked James if he was saved and he said yes-when he was a boy-that was enough for me. We were married in 1979. For the first year of our marriage I sporadically went to church, then we moved from Georgia, where I am originally from, to his home state of Kentucky.
After 2 ½ years of wedded bliss we were blessed with a son, then just short of 3 years later with our daughter. For the next two years I did not go to church. Then in 1987, God knocked me upside my head and told me I needed to get my babies in church. So I visited around and finally found the church I still attend today. The kids and I were very active all the rest of the years of their youth.
James hardly ever went with us. He would go to the children's choir programs and special things, like gospel sings and Christmas and Easter programs. At first he would say, "I don't know why ya'll have to go to church so much," then when he saw I was not going to change he would say, "Kids, ya'll better hurry, you're going to be late for church."
I learned early on the importance of the covenant of marriage, first from my parents and then from all that I had read in God's Word. But most importantly, I really loved this man. He was a great father, my best friend, he was funny and optimistic all the time, he sang well and he didn't have any enemies. He exhibited many of the fruits of the spirit, even though he did not attend church. He had a few bad habits, but then who doesn't?
In 2000, James started to have heart problems and in June 2000, he had 4 bypasses. For the next 10 years after he recovered from surgery, we talked occasionally about his salvation. He would always just brush me off and tell me not to worry about it. Then in February 2009 he had another heart attack.
The doctors put in a stint but the next day it collapsed. They told us that due to thin veins that stints or bypass surgery would probably not be to his benefit and to go home and try to enjoy the rest of his life.
Since that time I tried repeatedly to talk to him about Christ and the importance of giving his life to Him. One day he told me the Bible was just a bunch of stories. Christmas 2010 I gave him a new Bible with his name on it. I had been writing a prayer journal since August telling him about my prayers and my desire for him to come to know the Lord. On April 11, 2010 James had a massive heart attack. He lived for about 1 hour and 45 minutes after he fell on the way to the bathroom at 1:10 a.m.
One day not long after he died, I was talking to my son and wondered aloud if James ever read my prayer journal. Jason said, "He did, Momma. Daddy talked about it several times. I don't know if James asked Jesus into his heart. Only God knows that. All I can do is pray that he did and if not, the really important thing is my relationship with Christ."
You might ask me what I learned from my almost 31 years of a spiritually unequal marriage. I learned to love my man unconditionally and to be a Proverbs 31 wife to him. When we believing wives trust God with our spouses and honor our marriage covenant, He works everything else out. My James adored me, I think, and I did him. He was my soul mate.
I wish I had found Lynn and Dineen's book Winning Him Without Words about ten years ago. But the past is past, and honestly I don't think I would change a thing. I am currently mentoring a young spiritually unequal wife in our mentoring ministry at my church. We found the book and have now read the 1st Key. I am excited that my 31 years of experience along with the book is going to open up new grounds in her marriage.
If God uses me to help other women in spiritually unequal marriages then I can say without a doubt that my 31 years with James was just God's way of preparing me for what is next in store, to not only mentor Alisa but possibly other young women. Just reading chapter one has really opened my eyes to the need for others to learn what I have in my spiritually unequal marriage.
Thank you, Dineen and Lynn, for your work in this field.
(Thank you, Gail! We are thrilled to see others starting small groups and mentoring others. We have been praying for this!)
