 A Teachable Moment:
A Little Bit of Mother's Day All Year Round
Mother's Day comes but once a year. Too bad, because for many moms it is the only time they don't feel guilty sleeping late, eating breakfast in bed and not doing the dishes (if they're really lucky!)
But, it doesn't have to be this way! In fact, Mother's Day is an opportunity to begin teaching your child that being generous, not just with gifts, but with time, effort and heart, is an important part of growing up into a great adult. The key is to continue teaching this lesson all year along. Once you are successful, the bonus for you is a little extra down time, more help with chores and receiving greater appreciation for all that you give your child.
Step one: Recognize that requiring your child to accomplish regular chores is good for her. Being a mom doesn't require you to do all the household work! Participating in age-appropriate chores (taking into account time constraints given school and other commitments) teaches responsibility. It should not be tied to receiving an allowance: you don't get paid to wash the dishes, neither should your child.
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 What's The Going Rate For Allowance?
As part of my partnership with www.Education.com, below is a question from the JustAsk page.
How do I decide on allowance for my child or teen?
Dr. Susan's Answer: This is one of the most common questions I hear from parents. It made it as one of the top questions in my new book, "The Top 50 Questions Kids Ask"!
There are two schools of thought about allowance: one is to give your child an allowance for chores and the other is to give allowance without chores.
I recommend giving allowance WITHOUT chores--here's why: You don't get paid to do the laundry, make dinner, vacuum, take out the garbage etc. Being a member of a family includes doing chores and contributing to family. This should be expected of every child a a level of which they are capable and depending upon how many other school and extracurricular commitments they have.
If you pay them for chores, the lesson they learn is not to be part of your family, but that they are entitled to money for every little thing they do--believe me this is a very slippery slope. If you make allowance dependent on chores, it will become complicated and you will find yourself in a negative downward spiral--for example, what happens when you've taken all the allowance away? Now your child has no money and nothing to spend and is back to nagging you again!
The point of allowance is to teach your child how to manage money and to not constantly be nagging you for a handout for ice-cream and toys. You will do this very, very effectively by following steps:
1. Set an allowance that actually allows your child to purchase the items you decide she will need to spend her own money on (calculate how much ice-cream, saving for toys, money for play-dates etc actually will cost her), then make that her weekly allowance, plus maybe a bit more for saving for something long term.
2. DO NOT give her extra money in addition to that, no matter how much she asks if/when she runs out. This is how she will learn to budget, save and understand the value of money.
3. Don't forward next week's allowance to her if she runs out--stand firm and stick with it--she will learn about money and you will find that the nagging will miraculously stop. |
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