Possibilities Newsletter
March 2008
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Hello from Bill O'Hanlon. You are receiving this newsletter because you have signed up for it. If for any reason, you don't want to continue receiving it (it comes out once a month), please use the unsubscribe button below.
This month I include my usual things: A cool podcast, great research you can use, a handout you are welcome to use and share with others, a thought-provoking quotation, a new book recommendation and news of what I am up to (yes, I am writing another book; #29-yikes!). I'm an information junkie, love to learn new things and get excited about sharing those that open possibilities with others. On the news front, I was on The Today Show a few days ago. The invitation came unexpectedly and at the last minute (I was in DC for the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium, which was lucky since I could just fly up to New York and it only delayed my trip home a short while.) The segment they had me on was called called "Love o' the Irish," and I commented (in a He Said/She Said format with Nicole Beland from Women's Health magazine) on Irish proverbs and what they might mean for today's relationships. It was fun and they even flashed the cover of my Change 101 book on the screen, so hopefully some people will get interested in that book as a result. You can actually see the segment at: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/23673963#23673963Speaking of television, while in DC I was chatting with my friend (and co-author; we wrote In Search of Solutions together) Michele Weiner-Davis (of Divorce Busting fame) and she mentioned she has been invited on Good Morning America for Monday next week (March 24th) featuring her new book The Sex-Starved Wife and is looking for couples (or even an individual) to come on TV with her that she can give some solution-oriented suggestions. Since this is a sensitive subject, they would treat it with respect and dignity (no Jerry Springer slant). So, if you know anyone in your life or practice who would be willing to speak openly about this topic, contact Michele at Michele@divorcebusting.com. As I mentioned above, W.W. Norton has offered me a contract to write a new book called A Guide to Trance Land. Like the earlier Guides (Possibility-Land and Inclusive Therapy), it will be a quick and accessible handbook, with whimsical graphics and skill-based sections. This one will tell people how to do Ericksonian/permissive hypnosis and hypnotherapy. It should be out in 2009. I have a few more books in the hopper, but I will tell you about them when things with them get firmed up. This is my busy travel season as you will see from the schedule below, but between trips I have been playing and even writing music (see http://www.billohanlon.com/freestuff/ohanlonmusic/billohanlon.html).Also, people often ask me about web resources and audio stuff that I recommend. You can visit: http://www.possibill.com/Bill/recommends.html for some things (I will add to these as time goes on). And my teaching/coaching partner on all things web and wonderful, Ryan Nagy, is offering readers of this newsletter a 30-minute no cost consultation/coaching/webinar. He can only take 10 people in this deal, so if you are interested, visit: http://www.ryannagy.com/bill-ohanlon/Until next month, yours in possibilities, Bill O'Hanlon, Santa Fe, New Mexico ( PossiBill@aol.com)
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Cool Stuff
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Bill and The Biscuit
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 Cool podcast of the month: Grammar Girl. Former freelance science writer Mignon Fogarty decides to create a podcast discussing common grammatical errors she encounters in her editing work. She launches Grammar Girl, a lighthearted and kindly guide to grammar. Fast forward sometime later. Oprah is doing a show on grammar. Several of her staffers tell Oprah she must get Grammar Girl. Problem: Grammar Girl has a book contract but no book to tout when she is to go on Oprah, wasting a golden opportunity. Solution: She and her publisher, working non-stop for several days, create an audio book version from Grammar Girls podcast audio files and make the book available through Audible.com. Many audiobooks are sold, saving the day. Any of you who are writers will find this essential and the rest of you may just find it amusing and helpful. You can learn about Spoonerisms, when to use lay vs. lie, when to use sit vs. set and other good stuff, presented with a light touch. You can get the podcast through iTunes or visit GG's website: http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/
Inspirational video of the month: Softie that I am, I cried when I saw this one. http://www.maniacworld.com/Phone-Salesman-Amazes-Crowd.html
Quotation of the month: "An unlived life is not worth examining." -Swami Beyondananda
Research of the month: Positive Illusions in Relationships
I guess rose-colored glasses can really work (at least for couples). Sandra Murray and colleagues at SUNY Buffalo have done many research studies in which they have found that if one sees one's partner more positively than they see themselves, the relationship is better (rated more positively and satisfying). Also it helps to reframe their negative qualities as assets.
References: Murray, S. L., & Holmes, J. G. (1993). Seeing virtues in faults: Negativity and the transformation of interpersonal narratives in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 65, 707-722.
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., Dolderman, D., & Griffin, D. W. (2000). What the motivated mind sees: Comparing friends' perspectives to married partners' views of each other. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 36, 600-620.
.Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (1996). The benefits of positive illusions: Idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 70, 79-98.
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (1996). The self-fulfilling nature of positive illusions in romantic relationships: Love is not blind, but prescient. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 1155-1180
Contact: Sandra Murray, Department of Psychology, University at Buffalo, Buffalo, New York 14260-4110, U.S.A. http://sandra.murray.socialpsychology.org/
smurray@buffalo.edu
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| Handout of the Month
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Shifting Negatives to Neutrals or Positives in Relationships
Bill O'Hanlon, www.billohanlon.com, PossiBill@aol.com
[Feel free to copy and share this handout, but please leave my contact information on it. If you want to use it for any commercial (money-making) activity, contact me for specific permission.]
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 In line with the research of the month cited above, here is a handout for creating "positive illusions" in relationships. You can use this in couples relationships, families, friendships, and work relationships.
Without minimizing or denying serious problems (like violence or severe betrayals and harmful habits/actions), search for admirable qualities in those with whom you have relationships.
Suggestions. Take note of:
Positive coping abilities
For example, instead of focusing on the person being depressed, notice how much they put forth efforts in the face of depression; or instead of thinking of the weight they have gained since having a child, focus on how well they are managing their time since the change in schedule and demands on their time.
Strengths
What strengths or admirable qualities have you noticed in the person in any context? Challenge yourself to notice those strengths or traits and let the person know that you appreciate or admire those traits.
Personality traits that could serve the person and others well
For example, instead of "Too sensitive," consider "Feels things strongly."
Try recasting habits or qualities that annoy you or you find yourself judging into assets
For example, instead of focusing on how obsessive the person is, appreciate their commitment to doing things well and correctly; or how they spend too much, notice how generous they are with you and others.
If you can't find anything to admire or see in a positive light, try to shift into neutral.
When you get upset or judge them harshly, remind yourself that you don't fully understand them, their motives, their story or their understandings. If someone was critical of you and you had a chance to tell them your life story or what was in your heart, they might be less harsh in their view of you.
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Speaker's Boot Camp January 2009 in Santa Fe
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Small group coaching for becoming a paid speaker, delivering compelling talks and workshops and getting on the speaking circuit
with Bill O'Hanlon, January 12-16, 2009, http://www.paidpublicspeaker.com
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 Photo at left: February 2008 Speaker's Boot Camp participants
These spaces go fast. I haven't even announced it until this newsletter and one space is already gone. Only 14 spaces left.
For details, click one of the links below (or just copy the address into your browser).
http://www.billohanlon.com/events/intensives/presentersbootcamp/billohanlon.html
or
http://www.billohanlon.com/events/intensives/presentersbootcamp/billohanlon.html
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| Web Boot Camp February 2009
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The Web Whisperers Boot Camp February 16-20, 2009
with Bill O'Hanlon and Ryan Nagy
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Ryan Nagy and I have offered two of these intensive seminars so far and each of them gets better. Our mission is to empower people to use the Internet to more effectively spread their message, to automate and simplify their lives, and to set up multiple sources of ongoing passive income. No matter what level of comfort you have with computers, technology and the Web, we will take you step-by-step through the process.
- Learn how to create a blog in 5 minutes or less at no cost
- Learn how to create and sell audio, video and written products online
- Learn how to outsource things inexpensively
- Easily set up an online shopping cart to take credit card payments
- How to help people who might be interested in your message or products find you on the Internet
- Learn all about setting up podcasts, email newsletters, email marketing, teleclasses, webinars, web-based trainings and pages on the social media sites (FaceBook; YouTube; MySpace, etc.)
- How to create a workstyle that does not tie you down to a specific location or time period
$799 special early discount rate. For details and/or to signup:
http://www.billohanlon.com/events/intensives/presentersbootcamp/billohanlon.html
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| New Transformational Seminar in New Mexico August 2008
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The Possibilities Process: Breakthrough to New Places in Your Life
Small group intensive seminar offered by Bill O'Hanlon
Truchas, New Mexico August 18-24, 2008
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Many years ago, in the same year, I went through the est training, studied with Milton Erickson and also intensively with Bandler and Grinder (originators of NLP). At the time, I was shy, anxious and had a tendency to "go small." These combined experiences had an effect on me that was like putting rockets in my butt. I soared, got bigger dreams, visions and missions for my life and the breadth of the contributions I could make to others and the world (the 29 books I have written and thousands of talks I have given all over the world are part of that release of energy). Ever since then, I have wanted to create a seminar that would translate the things I have learned at that time and since then.
Finally, I have created it. I only have room for 10 people for this one and I am going to be very selective, due to the small number of spaces and wanting to get the mix of people right. If this sounds like something for you, visit:
http://www.billohanlon.com/events/intensives/transformational/intensive.html
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Bill O'Hanlon Workshop Schedule
223 N. Guadalupe #278, Santa Fe, NM 87501 USA; www.billohanlon.comInstructions for reading this itinerary: Under the month you will find the date(s) of each workshop, the title and location of the workshop. On the second line is the sponsor's name and contact information. If you are interested in attending a particular workshop, please contact the sponsor of that workshop for a brochure or to register. Thank you! March 2008
27-8th Annual Child Abuse Prevention Conference/Post-Traumatic Success: Recovery from Life's Traumas and Tragedies; Amarillo, TXAmarillo College Criminal Justice Programs, PO Box 447, Amarillo, TX 79178; 806.356.3682; wallace-ec@actx.edu; Brochure/Register at http://www.actx.edu/cj/files/uplink/CAP08_E_Mail_Version.pdf28-Dissolving resistance & ambivalence with your most challenging clients; Motivation 101: Never try to teach a pig to sing; Creative ways to contain and decrease resistance; Las Vegas, NVRichard Fields, US Journal Training, 3201 SW 15th St. Deerfield Beach, FL 33442 800.851.9100; 954.360.0909; Fax: 954.360.0034; http://www.usjt.com/April 2008
3-Dissolving resistance with your most challenging clients; Hoffman Estates, ILIlliinois Mental Health Counselor's Association, P.O. Box 706, Dekalb, IL 60115; 800.493.4424; imhca@imhca.org; www.imhca.org8-Using Positive Psychology in Changework; Change 101: The seven ways occurs in therapy and life; Thriving Through Crisis: Turning Post-Traumatic Stress into Post-Traumatic Success; Santa Fe, NMDan Barmettler, MA, Institute for Integral Development, P.O. Box 2172, Colorado Springs, CO 80901, 800.544.9562, fax 719.630.7025; www.usjt.com; iidevo@aol.com10-Dealing Effectively with Your Most Challenging Clients; Richmond, VAHenry Morris Ph.D, hemorris@verizon.net; Richmond Chapter of the Virginia Society for Clinical Social Work and the VCU School of Social Work 11-Resolving Trauma Without Drama; Virginia Beach, VAEd Hendrickson, VAMFT,1109 N. Howard St., Alexandria, VA 22304, 703.823.9617, edhendrickson@comcast.net18-The Science of Positive Psychology: Practical Applications in Clinical Work; St. Louis, MOBill Bumberry, St. John's Mercy Medical Center, 615 S. New Ballas Rd., St. Louis, MO 63141, billbumberry@charter.netMay 2008
8/9-The Science of Happiness: Using Positive Psychology Research In Psychotherapy and Changework; LONDON, ENGLANDBrief Therapy Practice, 7 - 8 Newbury St, London, EC1A 7HU; Tel: 020 7600 3366; Fax: 020 7600 3388; www.brieftherapy.org.uk10-Geography of Possibilities; BARCELONA, SPAIN11-From Positive Psychology to Practical Interventions+ Meetings with a Remarkable Man-Milton H. Erickson, M.D.; BARCELONA, SPAINCarlos Vergara, hazalgodistinto@gmail.com; http://www.posibilidades.info/16-Topic to be arranged; Oklahoma City, OKTeresa Peden, CTPeden@aol.com28-Slouching towards the 21st Century: Effective Use of the Internet for Authors (for technopeasants and non-geeks); Los Angeles, CAWriter's Digest/Book Expo America conference; Greg Hatfield, Greg.Hatfield@fwpubs.com, F+W Publications, 4700 East Galbraith Road, Cincinnati, OH 45236, (513) 531-2690, Ext. 1393, www.fwpublications.com29-The Seven Ways People Change in Therapy and Life; Inclusive Therapy: A simple and powerful method of dissolving resistance in clients; Brief Therapy as a spiritual method; Seattle, WADan Barmettler, MA, Institute for Integral Development, P.O. Box 2172, Colorado Springs, CO 80901, 800.544.9562, fax 719.630.7025; www.usjt.com; iidevo@aol.comJune 2008
9/10-Positive Psychology: Practical Applications in Clinical Work; MONTERREY, MEXICOM.C. Mónica González, Cuerpo Académico en Psicología Social, Facultad de Psicología, Universidad Autónoma de Nuevo León; monygzz77@yahoo.com; http://www.monica-gonzalez.com/; download brochure at: http://www.monica-gonzalez.com/WEB%20workshopO'Hanlon.pdf; Tel. (81) 8333 8233 ext. 120; Mutualismo 110, Col. Mitras Centro, C.P. 64460, Monterrey, N.L., México 18-22-Hypnosis Small Group Intensive; Truchas, NM [filled; no space available]Carol Kennedy, carol_kennedy@ml.com August 2008
11-15-Positive Psychology in Clinical Work; Cape Cod, MA
NEEI, http://www.neei.org
18-24-The Possibilities Process: Breakthrough to new places in your life [10 spaces; must apply and be accepted]; Truchas, NM
Possibilities, 505.983.2843, PossiBill@aol.com |
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