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LifeWays
North America Newsletter |
Autumn 2011 |
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Theme: LifeWays Celebrates Men & Boys
Greetings!
This season's newsletter is focusing on male energy: that wonderfully rambunctious energy that boys bring to our programs, and the wonderful energy that men bring in interacting with children, both boys and girls. Research has shown that while women are important for children in their process of creating strong emotional bonds, fathers are equally important in fostering children's sense of exploration (see the article below, "Research: Exploration in Toddlers Activated by Fathers").
I'm especially excited thinking about fathers, as I just got married! My father performed the marriage ceremony, and I had both my father and my wonderful stepfather to walk me down the aisle to join my husband. I can't wait until I have my own children, who can be nurtured by these wonderful men who surround me.
In this issue, you'll also see some formatting changes, with the beginnings of each article at the top of the newsletter, and the full article accessed with the click of a button. Hopefully this will make the newsletter easier to navigate, and allow us to include some longer articles. Speaking of formatting, LifeWays has launched its new Website! Check it out at
Happy Reading,
Faith Collins (formerly Baldwin),
Editor
LifeWays North America, 403 Piney Oak Dr., Norman, OK 73072. 405.579.0999 |
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Letter from Cynthia
When I think of how our children find us - from that starry moment at the cosmic midnight hour when an urge to come to the earth awakens and an hereditary stream begins to form - I am truly awestruck. I am eternally grateful for the spiritual scientific view (elucidated so vividly by Rudolf Steiner) that human beings participate in orchestrating who will become their parents. The idea that the spirit germ of the incarnating soul typically inculcates into the mother a natural sense of guardianship and physical care and into the father a drive to protect and encourage the child's future biography fills me with deep appreciation for both of these parental gestures. I can feel gratitude to the father who questions what we do or do not do with his young child because I understand that his question comes from this sense of protecting his child's future. Once I am open to hearing the heart of a father, he is more likely to be open to hearing me. We can become partners in creating a healthy foundation for his child.
I am also interested in the parental choices many of our contemporary souls are making today. Families are simply not as homogeneous as they once were. Children are choosing all sorts of hereditary and cultural blends. Here is a photo of sweet little Sen, the son of my friend Karin (Japanese), and his daddy Wim (Dutch). Knowing Karin before she met Wim and hearing of how their meeting, romancing and partnering took place, I feel certain that Sen was actively participating in the orchestration of their relationship! I love the look of serene joy on his face as he enjoys this adventure with his father.
Have you noticed how many more people there are now for whom it is difficult to say, "They are this or that heritage"?Yet, even within blended heritages, the old adage is mostly still true that "boys will be boys!" You can read about this in early childhood teacher blogs around the world. In fact, we just had a lively LifeWays facebook discussion about boys and gun play. Often, it seems, women grapple with how to get boy-ness under control. Hopefully the articles in this newsletter will help us all open to new ideas. Little boys, so often in pursuit of the "bad guys," may very well grow into men who can nurture and care, who can cook and clean, be tender and loving, tell stories and sing songs. Even the most exquisite Monarch butterfly went
through its caterpillar stage, down in the grubby dirt. May we celebrate the nature of boys as it is elucidated in Cindy Brooks' article, and may we celebrate the consciousness of the men who have chosen to share their lives so fully with little children. Bless you all!
Cynthia Aldinger |
Listing of Articles in this Issue: |
Celebrating Boy Energy by Agaf Dancy, long-time Waldorf class teacher and school Adminstrator, and currently a caregiver at Rainbow Bridge LifeWays Program, in Boulder, CO
I learned from Cynthia that there were four male students in the LifeWays training recently. I was so glad to hear that! And then I thought again, "Wow, there are only four men taking up the LifeWays training, out of how many women?" I was glad - and I am glad - that there are at least four. Click here to read more...
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Research: Hands-On Dads Give Kids an Edge --Concordia Study Links Fathers' Presence to Enhanced Intellect, Well-Being Among Children 
Montreal, August 30, 2011--Fathers who actively engage in raising their children can help make their offspring smarter and better behaved, according to new research from Concordia University. Published in the Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, the long-term study examined how fathers can positively influence the development of their kids through hands-on parenting. Click here to read more...
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The Meaningful Work of Fathering
By Scott Anderson, LifeWays graduate
In a culture which increasingly favors having more 'things' over maintaining the family unit at all cost, it is no surprise that we have literally forced parents, fathers in particular, out of the home in search of more money, more things, and higher social status. Instead of supporting parents in raising children at home, we are expected to return to work, find childcare, and get back to 'contributing to society' through some profession other than fathering. Our culture tends to devalue the vital role that fathers play in child rearing, often reducing it to a list of chores and responsibilities, a paycheck, or a child-support payment. Click here to read more...
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LifeWays Trainings
LifeWays Trainings are underway in Texas, California, Colorado, and Wisconsin (it is still possible to join this year in WI). Upcoming trainings are accepting students in Maine, Vancouver and Hawaii (Summer, 2012) and in Buffalo, NY, starting April 2012. There will also be a program for Spanish speakers in San Jose in March. More information, including dates, applications and financial forms, is available on our website.
Remember, LifeWays graduates can attend part or all of any other LifeWays training for only the price of food and supplies! In many states, these will count as Continuing Education credits. To read more, click here. |
LifeWays Now Offering 5 Videos, plus CEUs
See LifeWays childcare providers in action by watching our 5 new videos on "LifeWays: Relationship-Based Care."
The 75-minute DVD is available for only $25 and covers six modules:
* Family-Style Child Care
* Home Away from Home
* Forest Kindergarten
* Settling into Sleep and
* Nurturing and Nourishing
If you need continuing education units for your licensing, these videos are also available as "mini-courses": accompanied by articles and questions that you answer, each unit is recognized for 3 contact hours by the state of Wisconsin and you may be able to submit them in your state, as well. The cost is only $25 per module, or $100 for all five (15 contact hours).
For more information and to order from our on-line store, click here.
These training modules are part of the LifeWays "Whole Child, Whole Teacher Series" developed by Mary O'Connell and filmed at the Milwaukee LifeWays Center. |
Growing Healthy Boys: The Early Years
by Cindy Brooks, MFT, psychologist with Waldorf training, and co-author of Parenting with Spirit
We are living in a time of evolving gender roles. Over the past century or more, women have been developing themselves through education and work outside the home. This has given them more strength, independence, individuality and interest in the world after millennia of relative personal and economic dependence. During the same time, at least in the western world, men's work has also been changing its basic character. (Click here to continue this article)
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Research: Exploration in Toddlers Activated by Fathers
A new study has found that fathers give toddlers more leeway and that allows them to actively explore their environments, according to a new study on parent-child attachment published in Early Child Development and Care. Daniel Paquette, a professor at the Université de Montréal School of Psychoeducation, says the 'activation theory' is just as important as the 'attachment theory.' ( Click here to read more...) |
To Give and to Get by Les Beecher, care giver at The Orchard, a Representative LifeWays program.
About seven years ago, after my daughters Leah and Jessica took the Life Ways training, my wife, Jackie, temporarily retired from her work as a Waldorf grades teacher and made the case to provide child care in our home, The Orchard, here in Madison, WI. So shortly after I retired from community college teaching, I began to be drawn into the world of formal child care, caring for children not quite as a father or grandfather (although I am both), but providing a kind of blended presence. Click here to read more... |
Research: Do Toddlers Pick Up Gender Roles During Play?
The differences in mothers' and fathers' interactions with their children, particularly in play situations, may influence toddlers' associations of specific behaviors with male and female genders. According to Eric Lindsey from Penn State Berks in the US, and his colleagues, context, gender of the parent and gender of the child combine in a complex pattern to shape parent-child interaction. To read more, click here... |
Support LifeWays:
Join or Renew Today! |
You can support the work of LifeWays with children and families by joining or renewsing as a Friend of LifeWays ($35/year), or a Self-Affiliated or Trained-Affiliate Member ($100/year) if you are working with children or parents.
Have your program listed on our new website as a Trained- or Self-Affiliated Member. Here's the list!
And Trained Affiliates can join Cynthia and other colleagues on a monthly conference call to discuss questions and share expertise. | To Renew or Join Online, click here. Or call 405-579-0999. |
Celebrating Boy Energy by Agaf Dancy, long-time Waldorf class-teacher and school Administrator, and currently a caregiver at Rainbow Bridge LifeWays Program.
I learned from Cynthia that therere werefour male students in the LifeWays training recently. I was so glad to hear that! And then I thought again, "Wow, there are only four men taking up the LifeWays training, out of how many women?" I was glad - and I am glad - that there are at least four.
But there's no getting around the fact that childcare and education in general below the high school level are both dominated by the female gender, not only in this country but in much of the world. Mind you, I have nothing against women! But greater gender balance in child care would really help, particularly with the boys. Where, these days, do children see men doing "manly" things? Where do children see men embracing their "power?" We need to find ways to help children get some sense of the things that men and women DO, even if it's now mostly on weekends.
LifeWays is excellent in creating a homelike environment where we invite the children to engage in the real work of the "Domestic Arts" - cooking, baking, washing dishes, cleaning, folding laundry and engaging in many other tasks of the home. We provide child-size versions of stoves, kitchen appliances, ironing boards, etc. for the children to continue these activities in their imaginative play. We also provide child-size work benches and tools (though we would prefer that they not be too noisy with the hammers!). But it's much less common for children to see or actually participate in activities like repairing things, building a deck, mending fences or gates, painting, etc. that most typically are the work of the "man around the house." This is not too surprising as many of these activities tend to lie outside the comfort zone or physical capacity of many female caregivers. Yet the absence of these activities leaves the children's picture of the domestic arts somewhat unbalanced and incomplete.
I have a greater concern than this. My sense is that far too often the early message that boys get in "school" is that they should be more like girls. They aren't valued for the active male energy they bring. One of the things I really like about Rainbow Bridge is that we work hard to engage the boys and validate their "boyness." I know, Rahima would love to have a few more girls in the mix, and I agree, but perhaps we attract so many boys precisely because we provide a welcoming environment for them. Boys are different from girls: their play tends to be rougher, more active and physical, less attuned to relational elements. They love to race cars and trucks and are fascinated with anything powerful. They like to build and create things. They are less keen on doing things that require close focus and concentration. It's hard for them to be indoors, if indoors isn't conducive to the sort of play they favor.
I think that for many female caregivers, it's just hard to truly appreciate - to celebrate - the testosterone-laden energy that boys bring. It would be so much easier if only they were more like girls. So what can we do about this? Obviously, it IS possible, with a bit of effort and intention, to invite more men into our centers. There are lots of retired grandfathers who would be delightful for all the children to experience and who could bring skills and activities that would complement and enhance those of the female  caregivers. You might even get that fence repaired or painted in the process! In addition to this, I think that it's also important for all of us as caregivers to examine our inner attitudes towards boys and girls, and to actively look for ways we can make space - psychic space - for boys to be boys in our programs. We don't need to stop boys from racing their trucks around -- we need to create a space or venue where it's okay for them to race to their hearts' content! And then it will be okay to have other spaces and times that are only for quieter activities. My sense is that both boys and girls in our LifeWays programs will benefit from our creating greater balance, both in the presence of men and women as role models, and in the space we make in our hearts to embrace and celebrate the energy that both the girls and the boys bring and long to share with us. I invite us all to examine our attitudes toward these matters honestly, and to keep doing our inner work! Return to List of Articles |
Research: Hands-On Dads Give Kids an Edge --Concordia Study Links Fathers' Presence to Enhanced Intellect, Well-Being Among Children
 | Father and son at Spindlewood harvest festival |
Montreal, August 30, 2011--Fathers who actively engage in raising their children can help make their offspring smarter and better behaved, according to new research from Concordia University. Published in the Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, the long-term study examined how fathers can positively influence the development of their kids through hands-on parenting.
"Fathers make important contributions in the development of their children's behaviour and intelligence," says Erin Pougnet, a PhD candidate in the Concordia University Department of Psychology and a member of the Centre for Research in
Human Development (CRDH).
"Compared with other children with absentee dads, kids whose fathers were active parents in early and middle childhood had fewer behaviour problems and higher intellectual abilities as they grew older -- even among socio-economically at-risk families."
A patriarch's influence
"Regardless of whether fathers lived with their children, their ability to set appropriate limits and structure their children's behaviour positively influenced problem-solving and decreased emotional problems, such as sadness, social withdrawal and anxiety," continues Pougnet.
A total of 138 children and their parents took part in the study and were assessed by researchers in three separate sessions.
Kids were evaluated between the ages of three- to five-years-old and again from nine to 13-years-old. They completed intelligence tests, while their mothers completed questionnaires on home environment and couple conflict. All children were recruited as part of the larger Concordia Longitudinal Risk Research Project, an intergenerational study launched in 1976.
School teachers were also recruited as observers of child behaviours outside homes. "Teachers were a somewhat more independent source of information than mothers, fathers or children themselves," says Pougnet, "because a father's absence can result in home conflict, maternal distress and child distress."
Greater impact on girls
The study found girls to be most affected by absentee dads, although the researchers caution that paternal absence can foster other problems such as lack of support or discipline.
"Girls whose fathers were absent during their middle childhood had significantly higher levels of emotional problems at school than girls whose fathers were present," says Pougnet.
Mothers, caregivers equally important
According to 2007 Statistics Canada figures, there are an increasing number of single-parent homes across the country. The agency estimates some 13 per cent of Canadian families and 22 per cent of Quebec families are composed of households where biological fathers are absent.
"While our study examined the important role dads play in the development of their children, kids don't necessarily do poorly without their fathers," stresses co-author Lisa A. Serbin, a professor in the Concordia Department of Psychology and a CRDH member. "Mothers and other caregivers are also important. No doubt fathers have a major impact, but there are definitely many alternative ways to raise a healthy child. Some kids with no contact with fathers, or with distant dads, do well intellectually and emotionally."
The findings, however, should encourage governments to formulate policies that encourage increased and positive forms of contact between children and their fathers. "Initiatives such as parental leave for men and parenting classes that emphasize the role of fathers could help to maximize children's development from early childhood to preadolescence," says Serbin.
Partners in research
This work was supported by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research and the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada.
About the study
The paper, "Fathers' Influence on Children's Cognitive and Behavioural Functioning: A Longitudinal Study of Canadian Families," published in the Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, was co-authored by Erin Pougnet, Lisa A. Serbin, Dale M. Stack and Alex E. Schwartzman of Concordia University.
Related links:
Cited study: http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/cbs/43/3/173.pdf
Concordia Department of Psychology: http://psychology.concordia.ca
Centre for Research in Human Development: http://crdh.concordia.ca
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The Meaningful Work of Fathering
 | Scott (and his daughter) speaking at the Maine LifeWays graduation. |
By Scott Anderson, recent LifeWays graduate from Waterford, ME
Meaningful Work
In a culture which increasingly favors having more 'things' over maintaining the family unit at all cost, it is no surprise that we have literally forced parents, fathers in particular, out of the home in search of more money, more things, and higher social status. Instead of supporting parents in raising children at home, we are expected to return to work, find childcare, and get back to 'contributing to society' through some profession other than fathering. Our culture tends to devalue the vital role that fathers play in child rearing, often reducing it to a list of chores and responsibilities, a paycheck, or a child-support payment.
In conversation with some of my closest childhood friends who have chosen not to become fathers, the focus is on the burden of fatherhood and what one must sacrifice in becoming a father, rather than the tremendous reward of watching a child grow into a whole being and potentially give back to the universe in some positive way.
Perhaps it is our societal view of fatherhood as a burden that perpetuates the alarming trend of children being raised without a father in the home instead of seeing fatherhood as an adventure, or as Dollahite and Hawkins (1997) support, to see fatherhood as 'generative' work, meaning to give to future generations through sensitive fathering today.
According to the US Census bureau "twenty-four million, or approximately one in three American children live in fatherless homes" (as quoted from the 2001 National Fatherhood Initiative). Also according to the 2001 National Fatherhood Initiative, "the strongest parent-related predictor of a child's development of empathy is the presence of a positive father role-model in the home". If this prediction holds true, then what sort of future are we creating for our children when so many are fatherless?
From my earliest memories, I have known that I wanted to be a father. Despite the fact that I grew up without my father, much of my desire to be a father stems from the fact that everyone tells me he loved being a father. My relationship with, and memories of my own father are a patchwork of snippets in time, of ball games, camping trips, pond hockey on our flooded, frozen backyard, old photographs, letters written from far off naval posts, home videos, and stories told by his brothers. With each milestone, success, and failure in my life I call upon this well-worn patchwork of moments in time to imagine what my Dad might have to say to guide me along my path.
My memory of my father is of the archetype father: he was a protector (served in the military, was a state trooper), provider (built us a house, earned an honest wage), and my guide (still is in the astral sense). While I am sure the image I behold of my father is woven of both real and imagined threads, one thing I know to be true, after all these years, is that my father loved me, and that he did not choose to leave. The lasting effect of the way he nurtured and protected my brother and me is still palpable more than thirty years later. It is the essence of who I am as a father and husband. When we nurture our children, we teach them they are worthy of unconditional love. As Louv (1993) states, "What we give, we receive; what we receive, we give to the future".
When considering what it means to be a father, I recall the first time I held my tiny newborn daughter. As if struck by lightening, all at once I silently vowed to protect her at all costs, to provide for her all the necessities of life, and to somehow gently guide her with neither too firm or too loose a hand toward her own path in life. I had always drawn upon the image of my father for inspiration, and imagined that my job would entail providing for my child a somehow 'better' life with more than I had growing up.
Before I met my child, I thought that being a provider meant that I would have to work harder to earn more for that 'better' social, economic, and educational life. But, in the instant that I first held her in that surreal first hour of life, I knew that 'providing' would mean infinitely more than any preconceived notion I held. It was not about 'more' or 'better'; it was, and is, about being present on a daily basis, and listening on a deep level. To provide meant that I would not abandon her of my presence neither physically, or emotionally. More importantly, as I would learn in the next few weeks, to provide for her meant that I would need to be present in every capacity for her mama too.
Over the next few years my former ideals of fatherhood clung like cobwebs as I navigated through the relatively new social reality of life as a stay-at-home father. I struggled to balance my former ideals concerning fatherhood, and my daily reality of diapers, laundry, cooking, cleaning and nightly collapse into bed utterly exhausted. More than once in the three and a half years that I was privileged to stay home to father my child, I was asked when I would be returning to 'work', or queried about if I had recently lost my 'job'. Fortunately, with this reversal of the more typical mother-father roles, my wife recognized the significance of the bond I was forming with our daughter while she worked outside the home. She also never doubted that I did indeed have a 'job' that did in fact involve a lot of 'work'.
This is not to say that we did not experience occasional resentment on both sides, but the underlying desire to raise our child ourselves, and not place her for the majority of her days in the care of another, had been accomplished. Furthermore, the experience has defined our parenting as an equal partnership built on mutual respect.
According to Patterson and Bradley (2000), "What (those) adults do in a child's presence becomes part of her growth and development; if certain deeds are repeated regularly around the child, they become habit. Instinctively, the child will imitate these grown-ups." Respect between parents for what each contributes thus only fosters empathy in the child. Empathy is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships in life.
 | Vancouver LifeWays |
In my experience of working with young children, it is apparent that the statistics do not lie. In my care are many children who come from fatherless homes. I do not suggest that a father is incapable of nurturance from outside the home where the child lives, but it is the small moments in life that often occur within our daily rhythms that add up to nurturance. It is the bedtime story telling, preparation of meals, soothing of tears, diaper changes, sharing of parenting and household duties with the child's other parent, and the manner in which we lovingly carry out these daily tasks that allow children to feel truly nurtured.
I once attended a childcare provider's conference for the main purpose of gaining continuing education units, or CEU's, required by the state. Leading up to the conference, I had no idea if there would be seventy or seven hundred people in attendance. It quickly became apparent that there were close to the latter participating in the day's lectures. While I cannot recall much of what was lectured on that day, I do recall that I was somewhat of a novelty as I was one of only three men in attendance. Being in this type of situation does not bother me on a social level. What worries me is that so many young children are potentially missing out on all that men have to offer in the early childhood setting. With worrying statistics on how many children in our society are missing out on this, 'fatherlove' Brooke-Weiss (2001) at home, I feel all the more fortunate to be called to this meaningful work of caring for young children as a father, and as a man.
Many parents expect to find nurturing women in the role of caring for young children, but for some reason we are conditioned to feel thrown off or even suspicious when there is a man in this role. When I first began caring for young children, I felt that I must assure the parents that my wife would always be present especially if their child was female. It was not until one of the mothers expressed to me that if she did not trust me, she would not leave her child with me regardless of my gender that I realized that I was buying into stereotypes by perpetuating the idea that men are not capable of nurturing young children without a woman nearby.
As a man working with young children I often feel that there is much opportunity to make an impact on the lives of the families and children I work with, perhaps even more than some of my female counterparts might. Most of the children in my care have very loving and nurturing mothers, many also have wonderful, gentle and kind fathers, but there are many still who have no father in their daily lives at all.
In my work with young children I feel a responsibility to exemplify that a man can be nurturing, artistic, kind, and masculine while gardening, baking, singing, painting, building, or knitting. In many ways this obligation gives me the freedom to grow, to learn, and to re-father as well as nurture myself. With so many children lacking in experiencing the essence of fatherly love, I cannot help but know that I am doing meaningful work.
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References
Brooke-Weiss, C. S. (2001). Retrieved May 21, 2011, from http://fatherlove.com
Dollahite, D. C., & Hawkins, A. J. (1997). Fatherwork. Retrieved June 2, 011, from http://fatherwork.byu.edu
Louv, Richard (1993). In (Ed.), Fatherlove: What We Need, What We Seek, What We Must Create (p. 56). New York: Simon & Schuster.
Patterson, Barbara J., & Bradley, Pamela (2000). Imitation and Self-Discipline. In Nancy Parsons (Ed.), (1st ed., p. 108). Amesbury,MA: Michaelmas Press.
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LifeWays Trainings
New York (Buffalo) Training
Judith Frizlen, Director: frizlen@therosegarden.us
Starting April 13-16, 2012
Apply now! For a complete flyer, click here.
California (Sacramento) Training
Cynthia Aldinger, Director: admissions@steinercollege.edu
Next session: October 12-16, 2011
We are a small, yet focused group, at Rudolf Steiner College, and we are looking forward to our Nurturing and Nourishing October session with nurse Trish McPhee, doll making with Trisha Lambert, and music with Thea Blair.
Part of the delight of our first session together was the presence of two dear little ones who attended with their mommies. Their presence gave the training almost the feeling of a lab school as we could observe them doing what we were learning about!
Maine Training
Next Session: New training starts in July 2012
Fifteen students participated in the Maine training this summer. They hail from Georgia, Pennsylvania, New York City, Connecticut, and Vermont, as well as up and down the coast of Maine. Of these, thirteen graduated and two will bridge into the next cycle of training beginning July 2012.  The magic of lifting a silk from a dark indigo stew pot and seeing the celestial blue appear when it meets the air! At this day-long workshop at Spindlewood in Maine , students also gathered calendula blossoms and created a beeswax skin salve.
Wisconsin Training Next session: Feb. 12-19, 2012 The Wisconsin Training begins October 9th with a brand new group! I just completed my first year as director of the training and was so delighted to celebrate graduation with my first group. It was an amazing group of caregivers, and I am so blessed to have gotten to know them. Here's a photo of a Living Arts demonstration the students shared at graduation.
The new group is filling up quickly, but there's still room for a few more in February! Hope to see you in the beautiful Koenen nature preserve at LifeWays Milwaukee for the next LifeWays training! --Mary O'Connell LifeWays in Spanish San Jose, CA Rosario Villasana Ruiz, director: rosariovillasana@hotmail.com Conference: March 23-24, 2012 
Fifteen caregivers graduated from our first LifeWays training in Spanish. They report that as a result of the training they changed their care environments to bring simplicity, natural elements and a rich domestic rhythm for the children in their care. The 15 graduates from this first group continue to stay in touch, attend workshops and gatherings and share resources and insights in support of each other's work. We are currently working with a group of 24 teachers in San Jose. Teachers recognize that the training is transforming their practice, environment, collegial work and quite often their family life as well. The teachers are very resourceful and have created beautiful care environments with carefully handcrafted toys and materials. It has been inspiring to see them take up the work with such enthusiasm and affinity for the LifeWays principles and practices. Plans are developing for another training in Spanish to begin in 2012 in San Francisco. A Conference for the wider Early Childhood Community featuring the work at Escuela Popular will be hosted in San Jose on Friday March 23 and Saturday March 24th. For further information about this opportunity contact Rosario Villasana Ruiz at rosariovillasana@hotmail.com Rocky Mountain Training Next session: Oct 29 - Nov 5, 2011  The Boulder Colorado Lifeways Training 2011 got off to a grand start with the new training year which began August 12 - 19. We are a diverse group of 17 wonderful, talented, and seeking women. Highlights from our summer session were: the 12 senses with a special focus on the 4 foundational senses, creating a delightful early autumn family festival, creative discipline, tools for parent tot and preschool work, creating circles for young children, biography, birth to 21, knitting gnomes, and so much more! It was a rich and full week. We enjoyed holding this summer session in the magical Blue Sky Kindergarten. California Coast Training San Fracisco Bay Area

The 2011-12 California Coast training began in late August with 12 wonderful, enthusiastic women. Meeting on average two Saturdays a month we have already immersed ourselves in the developmental stages of birth to age 21; the "4 R's" of rhythm/routine, repetition, respect/reverence and resiliency; the twelve senses; learned to play our lyres; we began to knit our knitted farmyards; embraced the nurturing arts and spacial dynamics; painted and sang and shared our favorite fall and winter festivals.
The theme of our first long-weekend retreat on the beautiful California coast was "warming the space with nature's bounty". Our students dyed silks and created their own nature table, dyed wool yarn for their knitted farmyards, cooked and cleaned, planted spring bulbs and folded their watercolor paintings into intricate candle holders that illuminated our harvest table.
October brings the temperaments, mindfulness and doll making. A festival workshop in November will highlight all the fall and winter festivals and include a number of handwork activities and foods that the students can share with family and community.
This year we are including a small group of parents who are attending our Parenting Seminar which runs concurrently with the regular LifeWays training. This seminar is ideal for those who cannot attend the year-long course but still wish to deepen their work with young children. Both our LifeWays Training and the Parenting Seminar are fully enrolled, but it is possible to apply now for August, 2012.
We are all enjoying getting to know one another and sharing everything that LifeWays brings!
--Marianne Alsop, Director Back to List of Articles |
Growing Healthy Boys: The Early Years
 by Cindy Brooks, MFT, psychologist with Waldorf training, and co-author of Parenting with Spirit
We are living in a time of evolving gender roles. Over the past century or more, women have been developing themselves through education and work outside the home. This has given them more strength, independence, individuality and interest in the world after millennia of relative personal and economic dependence. During the same time, at least in the western world, men's work has also been changing its basic character. Since the Industrial Revolution, men's work no longer requires great physical strength and stamina, compared to the centuries when men were engaged primarily in strenuous work like hunting, farming, ranching, exploring, house-building, and mining. It seems men's work will continue to change its character, for the new jobs projected for the next decade in the U.S. will be in fields that currently attract primarily women: teaching, health care, and customer service.[1]
Historically men have supported their families primarily through providing shelter and food. Now that women are sharing those responsibilities, men find themselves being asked to support the family through the care of children and homelife. Although the world of personal relationship is not one in which most men feel skilled or for which they have had good role models, women are asking for better communication and emotional intimacy from their male partners.[2] In addition, men are becoming genuinely interested in fathering their children to improve upon what they experienced in their own childhoods. The world is changing, and many naturally wonder how best to support the development of healthy children of both genders. This article is a brief summary of research from the worlds of neuroscience and psychology that may help us understand some of the special needs of boys in the early years.[3]
In the 1970's and 1980's, the prevailing belief in the psychological and educational professions was that most gender differences could be attributed to socialization practices. The use of brain scan technologies in the 1990's opened the door for research into the differences between the genders, at all stages of development. Ongoing neuroscientific studies are providing compelling evidence that boys and girls--and men and women--have unique brain structures from birth which "hardwire" them with different capacities and qualities and orientations to life.[4]
This process begins in utero. Apparently all human embryos start with the neurological structure that later becomes female. At the eighth week of pregnancy, if the embryo is male, a process of differentiation from the female neurological structure begins, as testosterone surges through the embryo's developing brain. Testosterone is the primary neuro-architect for the hardwiring of the masculine brain. When testosterone flows into the embryonic brain, neurological structures for communication are killed and neurological structures for aggression and sex are added. Similar changes recur at succeeding periods after birth, including the period called "infantile puberty" which happens before age two. By the time a child is two, which is before many children even identify themselves with a specific gender, children have been "hard-wired" with gender-specific capacities and tendencies.
If you are already thinking of those boys (and girls) who might not fit the "typical" picture for their gender, neuroscience provides an interesting explanation for this phenomenon too. As we all know, each gender has within it a wide degree of variation. Researchers have found that 20% of boys have more girl-type behaviors than other boys and 20% of girls have more boy-type behaviors than other girls. Yet these 20% are still more like their own gender overall than they are like the opposite gender. They have the unique task of developing qualities and characteristics that are both typically masculine and feminine. The brain structure of this 20% is sometimes labeled the "bridge brain" because it contains structures that are characteristic of both genders.
To understand the special needs of boys in the early years, let's first look at what neuroscience and students of child development describe as capacities and qualities that characterize boys and girls-and, later, men and women. Looking at the list below, "Masculine Capacities and Qualities", we
see that boys especially need opportunities to move, to be in their bodies,
Masculine Capacities and Qualities[5]
*physical strength
*visual, spatial-mechanical learning
*ignore cues of caregivers, peers
*enjoy/seek risks, adventure, independence
*interest in movement, action
*enjoy rough play, testing physical strength
*enjoy aggressive play, conflict, competition
*cognitive empathy (thinking what to do to help others)-this
starts in the middle school years
*power-oriented language -- commanding, competing
*need adults to establish hierarchy/order or they will feel compelled to do so themselves (through aggressive play)
*gross motor skills and interests
*do not easily hear soft or moderate voice tones (female)
*more fragile emotionally than girls (in infancy, childhood and adulthood)
Feminine Capacities and Qualities
*language, verbal skills
*verbal, auditory learning
*read/attune to others' facial expressions, voice tones
*emotional empathy (feeling with others to provide support)
*read, attune to others' wishes, needs, cues
*enjoy/seek relatedness
*interest in caring for others, relating
*collaborative play, language
*discomfort with conflict
*fine motor skills and interests
*discomfort with male voice tones (louder than female)
*more resilient emotionally than boys (in infancy, childhood and adulthood)
and to experience their physical strength. In addition, they need to learn
visually and kinesthetically more than auditorially. (Their hearing is often challenged in childhood, in actual fact.) This means running, jumping, climbing, digging, sawing, sanding, pounding nails and playing tug of war. Of course, we may want to provide these kinds of experiences for girls too. The important point is that boys need such activities to use and develop their natural abilities, for this will help them enjoy and feel good about themselves.
Boys are also "wired" for autonomy and independence, for adventure, for risk-taking-and they are less interested in or inclined to attune to the
wishes and cues of adults than girls may be. This means, for example, that
when it is time to come in from outside playtime, you may need to repeat
yourself more for the boys than for the girls. This is normal. This lack of responsiveness to adult cues is part of a boy's nature, it is not a sign of defiance or an uncooperative attitude.
 | Boys at Rainbow Bridge |
Boys will play more aggressively and have more conflict than girls. They need outlets for this aggressive energy that are safe and healthy and that you can support. It used to be that masculine life provided many opportunities for a boy's natural aggression-in activities like hunting, fishing, fire-making, house-building, forging, or daily life on a farm or ranch. These activities are no longer easily available to most men or boys. If you don't provide positive outlets for your boy's natural aggression, he will suffer! He may get the message that he is wrong just for being a boy and grow up with underlying self-doubt. (Ask men in your life about this phenomenon.) He may also be drawn towards riskier activities in adolescence, to overcome a legacy of self-doubt if his childhood atmosphere suppressed or put down his natural boyish instincts.
While it is important to support a boy's masculine energy, it is also important to help boys learn appropriate self-control and physical restraint-because a boy's physical size, strength or aggressive impulses can sometimes lead to injury of others. This is a lesson boys can begin to learn in the early years, and both Dads and Moms can help. Dads can teach self-restraint through wrestling-and boys love to wrestle with their Dads! While wrestling, Dads can show restraint themselves, they can model a capacity and interest in the safety of others. They can also stop the fighting when their boy becomes too aggressive or physically hurtful, without putting the boy down-e.g. "OK, that's enough, got to take it a little easier now."
Moms can teach boys self-restraint in the early years by setting limits and being clear when they are not okay with their boy's aggressive play, but without putting him down. For example, "OK, now it's time for helping Mama sweep the kitchen floor, I wonder how fast those strong legs can get you over to this broom..." (while holding a broom for him and one for you, so that both of you can begin sweeping). Or you can redirect him to any healthy movement activity-whatever you think he may be likely to enjoy and that can provide the transition out of the aggressive play that you want to end. For example, you can take a run around the house (inside or out), or have a race across the back yard. You can start a play theme that will engage his creativity-a boat that is going sailing and collecting animals to take to a farm. Clear verbal limits may also be needed, like "It's okay to be upset but it's not okay to hit me, let's see what these strong hands can do outside..."-then redirect to a positive movement-based activity, such as carrying stones, digging holes, raking leaves or sweeping the driveway.
To respond to anger outbursts in young boys, first provide a drink of water to moderate your boy's heat.[6] Anger increases cortisol levels significantly in boys, and water will titrate this within a few minutes. (Don't try to convince him why he should drink---just hand him the water. If he needs verbal cueing, simply say, "Drink.") Then redirect to a movement-based activity-don't try to talk to him! Mirroring may be helpful, but not to open a conversation, just to provide the needed recognition for his wants or needs.[7] "You don't want Mama to call you in for supper now." "You didn't like when Bobby pushed your tower over." Then if he's still agitated, get him doing something with his hands or body that will help him move into a positive state again.
Aggression and conflict in boys will increase to the degree that adults fail to provide sufficient structure and clear, fair authority. The way that boys establish security in their peer world is through fighting. By fighting, boys establish a hierarchy of power, and this is what helps them feel safe. So if boys in your care are fighting a lot, ask yourself if you and other adults supervising their play are present enough and bringing enough healthy adult structure so that they can relax and play without having to create their own hierarchy of power. Of course, there can be other sources of excessive fighting in boys' play, including exposure to violence in media.
While a lot of our questions about how to meet the needs of young boys have to do with their aggressive and rambunctious qualities, one of the most fascinating findings in the study of young boys is that emotionally they are more fragile than girls. Researchers at Harvard have found that boy babies cry more and are more difficult to soothe than girl babies.[8] In addition, apparently young boys are more troubled by separations from their mothers than girls and experience more separation anxiety. This means that young boys need plenty of nurturing and physical touch to establish their sense of well-being and security in the early years. They very likely will need more time with Mom than Dad, since Moms tend to nurture and attune to emotional needs more than Dads.
On the subject of Moms and Dads and their relative gifts and capacities as parents, the literature reviewed here suggests that there are very real differences in what Moms and Dads provide to their young children. While both Moms and Dads can be nurturing to a young child, Moms are more "wired" for this activity--having breastmilk helps--and find themselves naturally inclined towards nurturing the young child. Apparently Dads become more "wired" for nurturing of young children if they get involved early in infant care-this changes the composition of hormones, increasing those that lead to bonding and nurturing behavior.
As children grow past infancy, Dads and Moms continue to play unique roles. Dads play and relate differently than Moms! Moms are attentive through attuning, caring, meeting needs--all of which builds security and self-confidence in the child. Dads are attentive through more arousing and rougher play, pushing the child to his (or her) physical and emotional limits-chasing, rolling, tickling, wrestling, teasing. Dads are also quirkier and less predictable than Moms. These activities are valuable for developing resilience, flexibility and strength in children. Both kinds of attention are useful for growing strong, healthy, well-adjusted people!
Discipline styles tend to vary between Moms and Dads. Moms tend to attune to underlying feelings and needs and seek to help the young child adjust emotionally, while Dads tend to expect good behavior without resistance and have less patience or understanding when they encounter misbehavior or extreme emotions. (Remember, men are oriented to hierarchy and power more than women, and women are oriented to attuning and caring more than men. This seems to color adult discipline styles!) In fact, Dads seem to have fewer coping skills when young children become reactive or temperamental, and may tend to defer to Mom at these times. This can happen because Dads lack the emotional resiliency to deal with a young child's intense emotional expression. In addition, if the Dad's upbringing included much corporal punishment, he may step back from dealing with a temperamental child to protect the child from his unconscious inclination to spank as a response to "noncompliance".[9] Working together as parents requires understanding what each gender brings to the role of parenting.  The young child tends to spend more time with Mom, with Dad as aless-involved parent, because Moms are often more present physically and are more "wired" for meeting the security needs of the young child. However, all young children benefit from having close and positive relationships with both parents. Heads up to Moms: research shows that you are the gatekeepers to your young child's relationship with Dad. If you trust your husband/child's father and give him room to parent, a stronger bond will develop between your child and his/her Dad. Dads and kids do better when Mom is not around in the early years---so it's good for Dad to try taking the young child/ren for a whole day, to develop his confidence and skills, and to deepen the connection. As the world keeps changing around us, and gender roles keep shifting and evolving, may we continue to explore and share understanding and wisdom for parenting and teaching the next generation!
[1] Newsweek, 2/19/11: "Men's Lib".
[2]See Terrence Real, "How Can I Get Through to You?" and "The New Rules of Marriage."
[3]In the first period of childhood (from birth to age seven) boys and girls are more like each other than at any other stage of development. The most central developmental tasks for this age group are gender-neutral:
*experience a secure bond with parents/primary caregivers
*have their physical and emotional needs met
*grow a healthy physical body
*move and play freely
*develop language
*learn to accept limits and tolerate frustration
*learn self-control over impulses, wants and needs
*grow a confident sense of self
*develop trust in life-know they are safe and the world is good.
The task of parents and other caregivers during these years is to help children succeed in these developmental tasks. Adults' most important gifts to young children are:
*attunement to the child's needs
*delight and joy in the child's being and growing
*protection and warmth (physical and soul)
*sound nutrition
*adequate sleep
*room for free movement and exploratory play
*nourishing sensory experiences
*striving for a way of being that is worthy of imitation--in voice tones, gestures, movements, and self-control
*providing limits and correction that are positive and loving
*helping the child grow a trusting relationship to life.
[4]See especially Louann Brizendine, MD, "The Female Brain" and "The Male Brain" and Leonard Sax, MD, PhD, "Why Gender Matters".
[5]In addition to the sources in footnote 4, see also Steve Biddulph, "Raising Boys"; Dan Kindlon, PhD and Michael Thompson, "Raising Cain"; Don and Jeanne Elium, "Raising a Son" ; Michael Thompson, PhD, "It's a Boy!" and Janet Allison, "Boys Alive!" for more information on the topics presented in this chart and the discussion which follows.
[6] See Janet Allison, "Boys Alive!"
[7]Mirroring is a form of empathic listening recommended in "Parenting with Spirit: A Family Discipline Guide", by Cindy Brooks and Joya Loveday Birns. For more information see www.inspiredfamilylife.com.
[8]See especially Steve Biddulph, "Raising Boys" and Louann Brizendine, MD "The Male Brain". Interestingly, other researchers have tracked a similar phenomenon in adulthood-that men go into a "fight or flight" response when just starting into a planned conversation with their wives of a topic that has some emotional charge, with elevated heart rate and other physiological signs of distress, even before any overt conflict has arisen in the conversation. See John Gottman, PhD, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work."
[9] See Michael Thompson, PhD, "Speaking of Boys", pp. 11-15.
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Research: Exploration in Toddlers Activated by Fathers
 | Painting the play-house at Rainbow Bridge |
A new study has found that fathers give toddlers more leeway and that allows them to actively explore their environments, according to a new study on parent-child attachment published in Early Child Development and Care. Daniel Paquette, a professor at the Université de Montréal School of Psychoeducation, says the 'activation theory' is just as important as the 'attachment theory.' The latter was the prevailing 20th-Century notion that children usually connect with their primary caregiver since they fulfill their emotional needs and guarantee their survival.
"In attachment theory, a child seeks comfort from a parent when he or she is insecure. This theory underestimates the importance of exploratory behavior in children," says Dr. Paquette, who completed his study with Marc Bigras of the Université du Québec à Montréal.
As part of the investigations, kids aged 12 to 18 months (accompanied by a parent) were placed in three different risky situations: social risk (a strange adult entered his or her environment), physical risk (toys were placed at the top of a stairway), and a forbidden activity (parents were forbidden to climb the stairs after the child succeeded the first time).
"We found fathers are more inclined than mothers to activate exploratory behavior by being less protective," says Paquette. "The less the parent is protective, the more activated is the exploratory behavior in the child. Children who were optimally stimulated, meaning they were exploratory yet respective of the rules, were 71 percent boys. Meanwhile, 70 percent of children who were risk averse were girls."
The parent's behavior was measured by the distance they kept from their child as he or she climbed the stairs. "For a child to become self-confident, the parent mustn't be too far or too close," says Paquette. "The ideal distance seems to be an arm's length. This distance was statistically significant with fathers yet not with mothers."
According to Paquette, classical attachment theory doesn't highlight these differences between boys and girls. This is why he feels his theory is better adapted to evaluate the role of the father while factoring in the temperament of the child and the level of protective parenting, both of which trigger the activation relationship.
Paquette is convinced that mothers and fathers intervene differently in the education of a child and these complementarities benefit a child. "Even if both parents change diapers and give the bottle, they don't do it the same way," says Paquette. "By stimulating exploration, controlled risk-taking and competition, fathers provide something different to the child who will benefit greatly from this singular contribution." Source: University of Montreal
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To Give and to Get
by Les Beecher, caretaker at The Orchard, a Representative LifeWays program.
 About seven years ago, after my daughters Leah and Jessica took
the Life Ways training, my wife, Jackie, temporarily retired from her work as a Waldorf grades teacher and made the case to provide child care in our home, The Orchard, here in Madison, Wisconsin. So shortly after I retired from community college teaching, I began to be drawn into the world of formal child care, caring for children not quite as a father or grandfather (although I am both) by providing a kind of blended presence.
At first I felt conspicuous as the only adult male in the midst of this most feminine work of song, food preparation, artistic activities with controlled and intelligent energy. I felt out of my element as I peered into the world en route to entering it. But it's where I live, and I must maintain this old house and care take the large (over an acre) lot, so the children saw me in all kinds of traditionally male roles as I went about my business. They were very interested in what I was doing. At first I timed my chores so that I wouldn't distract them from their activities and their teachers tried to keep them from getting in the way of mine. Imagine! But the adults learned from the children and now we do much of that work together. Of course it isn't work for them; it's an extension of play. I bought child-sized shovels, rakes, hoes, and pails, a hatchet, and garden cart so that we could all get down to business. We split and stack firewood for the wood-burning stove in the program space; look after our four chickens as we feed them, change their straw, and collect eggs; haul sand up the hill to top up the sand pit; plant and harvest the vegetables and fruit that find their way into the meals the children help to prepare.
What began as my performing of haphazard chores on a piece of property I viewed as too big, too much for a retired guy, has evolved into a rhythmic, seasonally-inspired range of activities, culminating in a Halloween/harvest blowout of an evening that the nearby Madison Waldorf School helps us plan and celebrate.
So there's that sort of large-muscle chore kind of work that is so integral to maintain the outside parts of The Orchard and that fits so nicely into our intention to spend, sometimes, nearly entire days outdoors. The children thrive outside where they can expand physically and imaginatively to limits they, largely, set. The boys, though, more than the girls, are typically most drawn to that kind of activity. That I'm a male and interested in modeling certain kinds of "work" has, I believe, contributed to a balanced and fuller range of activities for both boys and girls.
This year I decided to move from the edges of The Orchard into a more formal role assisting the lead teacher, Aleksandra. The children still help me move sand, stack firewood, garden, etc., but I join them now for circle, songs, and meals. The pace around children is slower, quieter, more centered and reflective than any I've experienced since a ten-day silent retreat I was on thirty years ago. We aim to help our children on their path of development as we study and research and practice some of the most inspired pedagogical theories. In their way, don't they help us adults along our own path?
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Research: Do Toddlers Pick Up Gender Roles During Play? Thursday, June 10, 2010 - 11:54 in Psychology & Sociology
 | Digging with Toby |
The differences in mothers' and fathers' interactions with their children, particularly in play situations, may influence toddlers' associations of specific behaviors with male and female genders. According to Eric Lindsey from Penn State Berks in the US, and his colleagues, context, gender of the parent and gender of the
child combine in a complex pattern to shape parent-child interaction. Their findings1 are published online in Springer's journal Sex Roles. The authors looked at how a situation involving caring for the physical and emotional needs of a child - here, sharing a snack - is likely to produce very different types of verbal interaction from both parent and child compared to a play situation. Lindsey and team used data from 80 families recruited from two small cities in Kansas, as part of the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development Study of Early Child Care. Parents and their children were videotaped during a 15-minute parent-child play session and a 10-minute parent-child snack (the caregiving session). The researchers looked at differences in the way play and caregiving were initiated verbally, and how the participants responded - also verbally - to this initiation, for mother-son, mother-daughter, father-son and father-daughter combinations.
They found that the quality of verbal interactions between parents and their toddlers was dependent on the context. In the snack situation, the focus of the interaction was on parent authority and management of the child's behavior i.e. it was a parent-centered context. In contrast, the play context was much more child-centered with more equal interactions between parents and their toddlers.
When it came to comparing boys' and girls' verbal communication behaviors, the authors found very little difference between the two sexes. Children seemed to pick up cues and adapt their behavior according to the situation, irrespective of their gender. In play situations, the children were more involved in determining the direction of the interaction whereas they accepted that parents were in charge during the snack situation.
Perhaps most significantly, mothers' and fathers' behaviors differed more in the play context than in the snack context. During play, fathers were more assertive whereas mothers displayed more facilitative and cooperative behaviors; in the caregiving situation their behaviors were much more similar. The authors suggest that children may pick up on these different behaviors and associate them with gender roles in the family i.e. males are more assertive whereas females are more compliant and flexible.
The authors conclude: "It would appear that children in the same family have different experiences in their play interactions with their mothers and fathers. Such differences may teach children indirect lessons about gender roles and reinforced gender typed patterns of behavior that they then carry into contexts outside of the family." Source: Springer .
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If you have any questions, comments, ideas for future articles, or news items that you'd like to share, please don't hesitate to contact me! Just press "reply" to this newsletter, or email me directly at faithrainbow@yahoo.com
Sincerely,
Faith Collins
LifeWays North America |
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Making cakes and cooking in the sandbox came naturally to me. But it took me a while to learn from the boys at Rainbow Bridge (where we have up to 9 boys and 3 girls on any given day): they want to be earth movers and build electric plants and make bug traps. So I visited a Resource Recycling store and bought a cart full of materials for $5, mostly heating vent pieces. Lots of smiles all around.
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George's Dad, Peter |
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Magnolia Blossom Preschool opened in the Fall of 2010, with four children, sharing 2 ½ acres with 80+ residents at an assisted living facility in Portland, Oregon. On May Day we set up the May Pole where the seniors could watch from the windows. Jennifer, mother of George, had been very involved and supportive of the preschool all year and was disappointed that she had to work on May Day. So George's dad Peter (pictured), took a few hours off work to help us make flower crowns and to dance around the May Pole. Though the picture does not capture it, there was a moment when Peter picked up a ribbon and high skipped it gaily, with the moms and the children, around the May Pole like a giddy school girl. It will remain a joy-filled and vivid memory of my first year as a LifeWays teacher. I thought, "How lucky is George?!"
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