How do we know if someone is 'laughing at me or with me'? To figure it out we need to know what is that person's intention or motivation. How do we do figure out their plan (intention)? Intentions can be good or bad. We can try to trick someone playfully or hurtfully. If I call my best friend 'a jerk' it's different than if I call the girl I don't like 'a jerk'. How do we help our kids figure this out.

The first thing you need to think about is what you know about the person. Has he been nice to you before? Is he only nice to you when you're alone and does he treat you badly when you're with other people? If he's nice to you most of the time then he's intentions are probably friendly. However, if he's only nice to you when you're alone with him, then his intentions are probably not friendly. Is he always mean to you? Does he ignore you? If he is always mean or ignores you and never speaks to you then his intentions are probably not friendly.

We also need to look at the non-verbal cues. Is her tone of voice angry, sarcastic or mean? Is her facial expression mean or angry? Is she checking in with the other kids around and laughing as she tricks you? If so, then her intentions are probably not friendly. If she tricks you and stays with you, hanging out and talking to you then her intentions were most likely friendly and she was just joking around with you.

Tips and Tools   

Concept of the Month: Reading People's Plans  

In order to understand someone's intentions and motives you need to 'read their plan'. This means looking at all the social cues and figuring out if they match up. We need to listen to the words they are saying AND look at the body posture, facial expression, gestures and tone of voice. Just like a puzzle all the pieces should fit together and make sense. If they don't - if you're feeling uncomfortable - then it could mean their plan or intention is not good.

Activity: What's the Plan?  

People watching is a great activity. Figure out where the person is going to or coming from. Are they on time, early or late? Look at their clothing. Figure out if they work, what kind of job they have and how they get to work. What are they carrying? What does that tell you about their plan for the day? What's their mood? Did they have a good day? If you're in a store try to figure out what they are going to buy and why they are buying it.

While you're watching TV or a movie talk about the characters and what you think they are feeling, what they're going to do next, what's going to happen next. What clues in the story lead to think that way? Were you correct? Did you figure out the plan? Did it happen the way you thought it would?

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