"You're such a loser!"  

How do we know if the speaker is teasing in a friendly way or actually being mean?

In previous newsletters we've discussed the importance of thinking about what other people are thinking - taking someone else's perspective or point of view. You do this to figure out their motives and intentions to know if a person or situation is safe. You use your social memory and look at your friendship files to compare what you see and hear to previous situations. Does the person like you? How has the person treated you in the past? Have they been friendly toward you? Is this someone who usually talks to you? Is this someone who has never spoken to you before? Is anyone else listening? Are they trying to impress someone else? 

Look at the non-verbal cues. Do the words and the body language match up? Is the person smiling? Is the tone of voice friendly or mean? Are they using sarcasm?

Did you say or do something that resulted in teasing? Did you say or do something unexpected? Are you correcting people and pointing out their mistakes? Are you talking to yourself? Were you rude or sarcastic?  

Friends often use friendly teasing and sarcasm. Thinking socially helps us to figure out if the intent is friendly or mean.

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Tips and Tools   

Concept of the Month:  Friendly Teasing vs. Mean Teasing   

Most of us think of teasing as something negative. However, friends often tease each other in a 'gentle' way using sarcasm.  Friends smile or laugh when teasing each other. They stop teasing when asked to stop.  Their intent is not to hurt each other's feelings but to be playful. 

Activity:   

Choose a situation in which your child was teased.
Go over the above questions to help them figure out if they experienced friendly teasing or mean teasing.  

Activity:

When your watching TV or a movie with your child point out when someone is being sarcastic or teasing another person. Use the questions above to help them determine if its friendly teasing or mean teasing. Did the character do something specific that resulted in teasing? Discuss how the character handled the situation as well as alternative solutions.