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s2s Insights
Offering the latest news, expert opinions, practical tips and reader ideas about the world of social learning.
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August, 2010
Welcome to s2s Insights!
Welcome to the Steps
to Socialization newsletter
s2s Insights. Each month 'Social Thoughts' contains a theme article on a relevant social topic. Informative articles or books related to the theme can be found in 'News and Reviews'. The 'Tips and Tools' section contains social thinking tips and activities. 'In the Neighborhood' covers
related events and programs.
Hidden rules are everywhere. This month we talk about how to find and deal with the hidden rules in school.
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Social Thoughts
School is about being part of a group. There isn't one
template for how to behave in school. Each situation has different expectations
and sets of rules that require different expected behaviors. These 'rules of
behavior' aren't always spelled out. The children are expected to know the
rules and act accordingly. We
refer to these as 'hidden rules'.
What are the rules for behaving in the classroom? What do
you do during recess? What are the 'hallway' rules? What is permitted in
lunchroom? What do you do if you arrive early and the teacher's not there? What
do our students need to do to figure out the rules for each situation? Many of
them already know some of the rules. With school starting it's a good idea to
review the varied expectations.
Some of what we consider basic knowledge or common
understanding is not directly taught to the children, but they are expected to
know it. For example, what is the expected 'line-up' behavior? Do they put
their books away or just leave them on the desk? Are they allowed to talk
quietly to their friends or do they have be silent? What kind of voice do they use?
If you notice that someone dropped something is it ok to tell the person? How
close do you stand to the person in front of you? If someone bumps into you
what should the size of your reaction be?
How do we help our children to figure out what the hidden
rules are for each situation? First of all, discuss the basic rules (expected
behaviors) i.e. when you walk into the class put your books away and sit
quietly at your desk. Make your
child aware that each teacher has there own rules and that the rules may change
in different settings. Lining-up in the classroom may be different than lining
up in the gym, at recess or when there's a fire drill.
Explain to your child that there are 'hidden rules' and that
they are the only one who can really figure them out. Teach your child to watch
their classmates and teachers. Tell them to notice how the other children are
behaving and what the teacher's reactions are. Be patient with your child.
He/she is really trying to be 'good' and do what's expected but they just don't
always get the 'hidden rules'.
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Tips and Tools
Concept
of the Month:
Hidden Rules
Hidden rules are the behaviors that children are expected to know and
follow even though they may not have been specifically taught. Social rules
change. They are situation dependent. Many of our children are not able to
'transition' well from one situation to another because they haven't learned
how to figure out the unspoken rules in the 'new' setting.
Activity:
Be a Social Detective
Explain to your child that
there are hidden rules for socializing in every situation. Tell them that you
are going on an outing to figure out what the rules are in a specific
situation. Take paper and pencil with you to write down the hidden rules.
Setting #1: Eating in the diner
Before you go to the diner talk to your child about what the
expected diner behaviors are. For example, when you get to the diner you wait
for someone to seat you. You order from a menu. We use utensils to eat and a
napkin to wipe our mouth. These are the rules we already know - they aren't
'hidden'.
Now its time to observe and figure out the hidden rules i.e.
How do you know when its time for you to order? (The hidden rule is that the
server looks at you when it's your turn.) What do people do while they're waiting
for their food or for a table? How do you get the waiter's attention? How loud
should your voice be? What do you do with your coat or packages? Notice the
behavior of other children in the diner. What's expected behavior for a 2 year
old? A 4 year old? An 8 year old? Is it different? Notice if anyone is breaking one of the hidden rules by
doing something unexpected. How do the other people in the diner react? How
does it make them feel?
Setting #2: Library
Before you go to the library discuss the basic rules (expected
behaviors). For example, use a quiet voice, no running around, put the returns
in the right bin.
Now observe and figure out
the hidden rules. When are you allowed to use the computer? What do you do if
someone is standing behind you looking at the books? (move over to make room
for them) Who can you go to for help? How do you know where to find that
person? What's the expected way to look for books on the shelves? What do you
do with the books you've taken off the shelf? Notice if there are people working
at the tables. What are they doing? How loud are they talking? How do you check
out a book? How close do you stand to the person in front of you on line?
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See you next month! In the meantime, please visit us on the web and read our blog.
Evelyn
and Lisa |
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