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Fall is a time for new beginnings, no doubt because of the enduring power of the back-to-school calendar, and also for a bit of reflection before winter's onset. In the spirit of the season, our September Newsletter looks both backwards and forward to present the best advice that fifteen Villagers have heard and heeded over the years.
Three of us conducted a random survey of members to learn what words of wisdom they have lived by--who said them when, and how the advice has played out.
Here, then, is our alphabetical patchwork of fascinating advice given and advice taken. We add our own best advice to the end of the mix. Enjoy!
--Barbara Sandler, Bruce Hunt, Susan Nelson
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Beryl Byman
"I searched my memory and came up with one piece of advice my mother gave me: 'Stand up tall.' And I did so, more for posture than anything else.
"When I grew older, I found that standing up tall gave me confidence when in fact I was quaking in my boots (the first day of my first job, for example).
"Though my mother had not meant to inspire me that way, I'm sure she would have been happy to know that her piece of advice followed me so that no matter what the situation, I straighten my back and plunge forward."
Erwin Helfer
"Ages ago, when I was in my 20s, probably, I went to a therapist when I was in a state of depression. He listened to me and then said: 'How can you let your education fail you, to get to this point?'
"That made me take complete responsibility for what was going on in my mind. It's something that a lot of us learn we must do."
Erwin, a blues, boogie and jazz pianist who has had classical training, hosts a Buddhist meditation group every Sunday.
Christopher Horsch
"My best advice came from my father when I was still in high school, probably in 1960, and was very serious about playing the tuba.
"He said that I probably shouldn't think of becoming a professional musician--that I could become an average lawyer and make a decent living, or I could become an average doctor and make a decent living, but that an average musician starves. He said that I should play the tuba for fun, not to make a living at."
Chris, who retired two years ago as a lawyer who made a decent living, he says, spent a week this past summer at Interlochen Arts Academy's Adult Band Camp and is a member of Near North Winds. The group of five musicians practices every Tuesday night in the Horschs' kitchen and presents a free concert every summer in front of Lincoln Park Zoo.
Betty Kolb
"I always remember my mother telling me, 'Mind your own business.'
"I was probably around 8 and remember prying into other people's affairs, as little kids like to do. I was old enough to know what she meant.
"In general, I've always tried to stay out of other people's business and not to gossip. It's become a lifelong habit, even though sometimes it can lead to people thinking you're not interested in them.
"I was a physician for many years, an internist, and had to ask patients questions I would not have asked someone socially; I never discussed them.
"Even today, when I'm reading the paper and come across a Dear Amy sort of dilemma, I sometimes think, Why don't they just mind their own business?" And sometimes that's Amy's advice!"
Jackie Mattfeld
"It sounds a little corny, but my parents used to say: 'You can't change the world, but you can brighten the corner where you are.'
"It turned out to mean, do what you can in whatever situation you find yourself. So if I'm walking along the beach, I will pick up the trash and bottles and dispose of them. If I am in a messy public washroom, I'll tidy it up.
"As a young person, I learned that I could make a difference. And later when I was involved in a complicated administrative problem, this advice helped me to keep going."
Jeanne McMahon
The best advice Jeanne McMahon has ever gotten came to her by just watching her mother. A living example to her daughter, Marilyn McMahon, now 87, is also a Village member.
"She's gracious and accepting--totally all about 'Whatever will be, will be; you've just got to accept things,'" says Jeanne.
The physician's assistant, who does robotic surgery at the University of Chicago, knew her mother's advice was powerful. But last summer a complicated medical issue of her own made her fully integrate it.
"It was an awakening: I'd heard her advice, I saw mom living it, but I'd never applied it. It was still abstract to me.
"When I couldn't figure it all out for myself, I finally said, 'Okay, whatever happens, happens,' and everything became very peaceful."
Christopher Nugent
"If you don't know the answer to a question just say, 'I don't know the answer, but let me get back to you--I'll look it up.' Then, very diligently and expeditiously, do it!"
This valuable piece of advice from the late '60s or early '70s came from a wise person at the University of Chicago, when Chris was a young teacher.
An insurance broker now for thirty-plus years who works only for nonprofits, Chris has found that this advice continues to work professionally and personally.
In business, he says, "It's a form of diligence and also modesty--it brings you down to earth."
In his personal life, he recalls using it in raising his daughter, now 29 and a teacher who is actively involved in the theater. Chris recalls her asking volumes of questions while they'd wait for her school bus. "I'd sometimes say, 'I don't know, but let's find out.' Then we'd do the research together."
Kathy Richland Pick
Not until Kathy became a widow in February 2005 did she fully understand the value of the best advice she's ever received. It was advice she heard many times from many people: "Cherish your friends."
"I got through that it because of my friends--I cherished them in a new way," says Kathy, a photographer who's self-sufficient, independent and happy today.
Another crucial lesson came her way, also advised by many people: "Don't make major changes right away; just stay put and give yourself a chance to have some time."
Property had become available near land the family owned in Michigan. She and her late husband, Grant, had always talked about buying more if it came on the market.
"I thought, Okay, I'm going to go ahead. But then I thought, What am I going to do with this? You're not thinking correctly right now, so don't do it!
"That was really good advice--I heard it, and I'm glad I heeded it."
Don Rose
"I had a college teacher, an English professor named Louis Broussard, the second half of my first year at the University of Illinois at Navy Pier. I was in pre-med, being a good Jewish boy, but he told me that my talents lay as a writer. He said that he had no judgment what kind of doctor I'd be, but he thought that I'd be a good writer.
"As a result of that, I switched to being an English major."
Don, who says that he hasn't often looked back, does admit, "I would've been a bad surgeon because I'm not good with my hands. " He pauses. "I might've made a better psychiatrist."
Instead, he has become a political consultant and an award-winning columnist, two fields in which his words both written and spoken carry weight. (Don's weekly columns for the Chicago Observer appear on the Village's Member Web site.)
Debra Rosenberg
At age 28, in a painful cycle of breaking up and getting back together during a romance, Debra Rosenberg got advice that she never forgot.
A physician dispensed the healthy dose of perspective: "One day you'll say, 'Thank God I never got what I thought I wanted!'"
It took a few years for the advice to strike her as golden.
"Now, all these many years later, the gentleman in question and I are both very happily married. To other people."
These days Debra describes herself as "the closest I'll ever come to being a cover girl." Actually, she is just that: She's on the front cover of the new brochure for Lincoln Park Village, opening the door to welcome Village visitors.
Stephen Sandler
As a young lawyer, Stephen received more than a paycheck at his firm. He also got valuable advice from a senior partner: "It's better to get 100 percent of something done that's only 95 percent perfect, than to get something 95 percent done that's 100 percent perfect."
"The bottom line," Stephen says, "is that you have to get things finished, and if you wait until it's perfect, you'll never get anything done!"
He is convinced this solid-gold principle is true for all things, business and personal. He adds a corollary to go along with it: "Make a decision--it's a lot better than sitting on the fence!"
Helen Sieben
Though Helen recalls receiving lots of excellent advice, one insight stands out: "Live your life in the spirit of gratitude."
"I thought, Wow, that really forces a person to look at the positives, when it's so easy to see the negatives," Helen says. A close friend said this to her more than twenty years ago, while the two were talking on the telephone.
The impact of the advice struck an immediate chord and continued to grow in importance. She remembers it was of significant help to her in grieving the loss of another very close friend, who was killed in an accident.
"The advice helped me to think of the good times we'd had along with the sadness instead of just thinking, Why did this have to happen?' It put a very different perspective on everything."
Ben Squires
"The philosophy professor at Northwestern turned away momentarily and then faced his class of mostly GI's from World War II. His face was contorted and he declared: 'What a bunch of suckers!'
"As a young ex-tail gunner, that really jolted me. That professor, Paul Arthur Schlipp, became for me a friend and mentor. I still have the book he inscribed to me: '...at least one student who did not forget what a fledgling professor was trying to teach.'
"I came to realize that what he was trying to teach me was to start thinking for myself and not to rely on other people's thinking. That has been an important life lesson, even though it has gotten me in trouble from time to time."
Marena Swenson
"My father was an immigrant, and he told me: 'Never be ashamed to say you're Swedish.'
"Now that was a bit of family joke, but it has reminded me to remember my heritage, and so I still keep in touch with my relatives.
"We weren't clannish and now we are all part of the melting pot."
Ruth Ann Watkins
"When I was a little girl, probably 10 or 11, I told my great-uncle and godfather, a judge, that I wanted to be just like him. He used to let me pick any book from his library with the understanding that I would go back and tell him about it; he would let me swivel the globe he had and pick any place, which he'd then tell me about.
"Though my father told me that I could never be like my uncle because I was a girl, my uncle disagreed and said, 'You can be whatever you want to be; you just have to work hard. It has nothing to do with your being a girl.'
"He was a great mentor, and I adored him. I've never forgotten his words of advice, which always guided me."
Ruth Ann, who became an occupational therapist and had a career she thoroughly enjoyed, is president of the Village's board of directors.
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And, from the authors and editor:
Bruce Hunt
"When I was 7, I lived with my parents in my grandmother's house. She warned me regularly: 'Hang up your pajamas.' That turned out to be good advice and a good habit to get into.
"I have now been married for 54 years, and according to my wife, Anne, in her informal survey, I have earned a reputation for being more responsible around the house than many men in my age group. It doesn't mean there won't occasionally be a pair of socks on the floor, but my pajamas are always hung up."
Barbara Sandler
"I remember two very important pieces of advice. The first came from a therapist, probably fifteen years ago: 'Pay attention to what you already know, and you'll know a whole lot.'
"That almost made it worth all that money!
"The second came from my dad, who found the importance of these words later in his own life: 'Just keep it simple!' He generously and often said this to me, probably ten or twelve years ago, when my brother and I were making plans for Dad's care. He would give us this smile and say, 'Just keep it simple!'
"It definitely works for my life. Whenever things are getting too complicated, I find myself thinking of his advice."
Susan Nelson
"Mrs. Kathe Dietrich, a dressmaker and tailor on Fullerton, was like a second mother to me. Maybe thirty years ago, when life's complications or disappointments had gotten to me, she first said, "Let it roll, honey; let it roll!" Or, whenever I was working particularly hard on one project or another, sometimes at the expense of personal relationships, she would gave me a steely look and say, 'Remember to put a little fun in your life!'
"(She also would always chuckle when I'd mention the other side of that coin, the observation of Patrick, one of the elevator starters in the old Tribune Tower: 'You rest, you rust!')"
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When new member Kathy Ravenel needed help with the move into her 30th-floor Streeterville apartment, the Village was right there for her. Two volunteers helped move the whole process forward by focusing on specific tasks, such as getting the kitchen boxes unpacked and stored. Kathy said that a huge advantage of having the Village volunteer resource is that it caused her to plan more thoughtfully so she could utilize the volunteers efficiently.
