As a caregiver, I have done some research on the subject of caregiving, and one of the first things I came across is a quote from Rosalynn Carter:  

"There are only four kinds of people:  those who have been caregivers; those who currently are caregivers; those who will be caregivers; and those who will need caregivers."

When viewed in this way, we have to acknowledge that this is probably true and that the whole issue of having to give care, or needing to receive it, is simply in the cards for each and every one of us.  As we age, we will look at care like Joni Mitchell looked at love - "from both sides now . . . "

What is Caregiving?  
The need for care can be thought of on a continuum, and it can sneak up on you.  It may begin with something simple like needing help driving at night; it can progress to the occasional need for help with  household or record-keeping tasks and then to  the realization that there is a need for help with daily living and ultimately, sometimes, to the need for round the clock care. And as Mrs. Carter reminds us, each of us will be the giver of the care, or the one who needs it - more likely, a combination of both.

Conventional Wisdom
Throughout my research on caregiving, I observe that much of the information about it has an OMG! tone of voice.  There is a lot of data about the toll caregiving exacts from individuals, companies, and society. Stressed out caregivers are cited as the source of increased health care costs to their companies, a disruption within their immediate families, and an impediment to their own careers.

In addition, current caregiving resources universally caution caregivers to make sure to take care of themselves - to take a break, maintain their interests, pamper themselves.  What is not recognized is that this simply gives the caregiver one more thing to take responsibility for - and to feel guilty about when they don't.  What caregivers really need is someone to lift the burden temporarily - and to take care of them sometimes.

Unconventional Wisdom
Here's a bulletin:   The traditional purveyors of caregiving advice and counsel never anticipated the profound change in the caregiving model being brought about by the Village movement.
 
Lincoln Park Village and its sister organizations are uniquely capable of supporting and helping those who need care and those who give care at every stage along the continuum. There is precious little that someone who gives care or someone who needs care cannot resource through the Village.  Here's a sample of caregiving support the Village has given in just the last two weeks:  

• Obtained escort for a member with memory loss so she can attend Village programs

• Arranged in-home massage for a caregiver whose husband was ill

• Provided guidance through a complex caregiving situation that involved a member's parents

• Helped members interpret their parent's long term care policy and implement it

• Linked a member to a geriatric care manager to assist a friend

The Village program on caregiving being held May 8 is another demonstration of the commitment to members who need or give care. Our Village is the one resource that can provide the most important thing to any caregiver: someone to take care of him or her from time to time.  

And finally, I have observed that most Internet resources on caregiving fail to talk about the satisfaction, the purpose, and the happiness it can bring to the caregiver's life and to the life of the one being cared for.  You can ask our volunteers. You can ask Dianne. You can ask me.

The Spocks definitely are ahead of the curve in terms of considering how and where they want to live as they get older.   Judy and Mike are one of three founding couples of Lincoln Park Village and have been inextricably engaged in its start-up for the past three years.  Mike, in fact, was the organization's first Board president and currently serves on the Executive Committee.  So the subject of aging and its successful navigation always is on their minds, like it or not.

But even Mike acknowledged surprise - his word was "revelation" - at just how much he and Judy called on the Village for services and support once it opened last June.  In many ways, the Spocks are creating a model of how a Village like ours walks in tandem with its members, buttressing the choice to stay put in their home as they age, helping them make independent decisions about how to respond to everyday life circumstances, providing the means to remain active, connected, and confident. 

Judy and Mike do not hesitate to credit the Village for their ability to still call Lincoln Park home. 

Judy and Mike in their bright, sunny livingroom.

"There's no question I was feeling quite anxious about all of this," Mike says, meaning how he and Judy could continue maintaining their house and themselves as they had for the past 24 years in the community they loved.   "Now I'm finding myself much more sanguine.  I'm thinking we can really pull this off."  

Something Worth Investing In
By the time the Village launched, the Spocks already had investigated several housing alternatives, in and out of the Chicago area.  Neither had yet needed a huge amount of extra service, but they were both aware of a growing sense of vulnerability.  "Nothing seemed to fit right," according to Mike.  "The Village looked like something we could invest in."

Judy continues:  "I quickly got involved in the Village exercise programs because they keep me engaged and it's good for my health."  So far, that means T'ai Chi on Mondays and NIA on Thursdays.  Sunday mornings, she joins a Village friend for aerobic swimming.  Judy, who worked early on as artist and later as an educator and in organization development, has joined Village classes in drawing and digital photography and used the services of a professional organizer to get her office in order.  The Spocks also have participated together in Village wellness forums and in various other cultural and educational get-togethers.   

"You can slip into chaos with almost no effort at all," says Judy with a chuckle. "Our goal is to get some systems going that we have agreed on, and" - another chuckle - "we don't always agree.  But once we have those systems, someone can come in and move us along." 

Home Maintenance, Finances, Health Care
Thus, Mike, ever vigilant about the various maintenance needs of their house (circa 1891), now is working with a Village service provider who will take on a proprietary role for doing seasonal work - gutters, drains, gardening and such. Mike also is identifying maintenance needs he foresees ten years out, and the couple is beginning to discuss a plan for adaptive construction.    

The Spock's block and their 1891 home.

In addition, recurring financial items are being organized, again with help from Village recommended providers.  And the accountant Mike now works with on yearly taxes has taken on a "sidebar" task:  systematizing payment for the Spock's constant stream of subscription renewals, solicitations, and membership requests that arrive daily on their doorstep.

The Spocks also have decided to pursue a relationship with Rush University Medical Center, one of three Village partners. "We had been reading about the field of geriatrics, were looking for a GP, and decided to give it a try," Mike says.   The experience has been a positive one.  "The doctor who saw us was unhurried, tuned in, picking up on what was troubling both of us.  We had a wonderful time with her."  They now  have been referred for orthopedic assessments.    

A Valued Presence in their Neighborhood
Over time, Judy and Mike have established strong roots and a valued presence in their neighborhood.  They bought their home in 1986, when Mike was leaving Boston as director of its children's museum to begin work as director of public programs at the Field Museum of Natural History.  He says he moved into the house with only "a folding chair, a card table, and a mattress."  Judy's quick description of how they spent last Halloween - and apparently many  Halloweens past - speaks to their connection to the block, which she says with delight has a recent run of young families.  

"We sit on the porch in our two blue chairs and have the funniest conversations while admiring the children in their costumes," she says. "People come from all around because they know we safely block the street to traffic and we enjoy sharing treats with all the children.  Then we usually go to one or two open houses where everyone feels welcome."  

For Judy and Mike, as it is for many folks, aging well is a step-at-a-time process, with surprises along the way.

"What we've come to realize is that the decline we all expect as we grow older generally is on a fairly gentle slope," Mike says.  "The amazing thing about modern medicine is that it can bring us back from major medical episodes.  We can learn to compensate and cope.  And we're all living longer . . . we might as well make ourselves ready."

Photos: Jane Curry