Reader responses to my first two newsletters have invited reflections and exchanges on how much is at stake when we engage in fearless conversations. I am reminded of the challenges suggested by the title of a favorite facilitator handbook of mine:
A Safe Place for Dangerous Truths. Author Annette Simmons believes, as I do: "When a group learns how to discuss the un-discussable, it learns how to solve the unsolvable."
Probably, more than once, you have heard it said or you have said: "Let's not go there!" -- meaning "let's not talk about that now " -- or ever. Sometimes, the only acknowledgment of what is NOT talked about is the allusion to the "elephant in the room" or the "elephant under the rug". It is common to tolerate the elephant for a long
time, from different views of it, as in the
ancient tale of the
Six Blind Men and the Elephant. The elephant* is all of the things that aren't talked about -- not openly, anyway. When I contract with a client , I ask if there is an elephant. If there is, I know I need to create a "safe place" for people to share their differing views of the elephant and to name it.
I want to comment briefly on tools I use to create a safe place, but with the caveat that I'm speaking from the role of a facilitator and process designer, not as a leader. We know that safe places for speaking dangerous truths and naming elephants ultimately are created by leaders (e.g. executive directors, principals, pastors, CEO's, managers, boards, program directors, leadership teams). Facilitators don't replace leaders! Facilitators have tools to use.
One set of tools I use helps to clear away the hazardous obstacles of judgments. Judgments keep us defended from one another. They keep us from speaking our truth and hearing others' truth. I find that groups experience relief with some facilitated, frank talk about the way we carry judgments in the words we speak. We all are "guilty"; most people welcome the opportunity to learn and practice constructive ways to talk with one another. They are eager to be freed of judgment - either those they make or those that are made about them. With defenses down, people talk about what matters most to them and for their organization. The benefits show up in a short time. Consciously working together to refrain from judgment-laden speaking leads to ease and breakthroughs in the task-at-hand (e.g. planning, decision making, program design).
A second tool is inquiry such as these four questions: 1) What are we doing that I wish we would do more of? 2) What do I wish we would do less of? 3) What do I wish we would stop doing? 4) What do I wish we would try? Obviously, these questions are stated simply here, perhaps to the point of sounding over-simplified. However, when asked in whatever way is appropriate in a given organization, these questions uncover and welcome what otherwise might be regarded as "dangerous truths" or an elephant.
In
The Thin Book of Naming Elephants the authors cite lessons learned from the space shuttle tragedies of
Challenger and
Columbia. The 2003 report of the
Columbia Accident Investigation Board (CAIB) is used commonly in leadership training. Now, in 2012, we have just been treated to the awesome sight and presence of
Endeavour sharing its success and grandeur in a celebratory fly-over.
Maybe there always will be differing, even opposing, views of the values of space exploration and space travel; but the fact is we benefit from numerous scientific and technological spin-offs that support life on earth. It is worth remembering astronaut Steve Smith's view of the earth out of
Endeavour's window: "magical . . . incredibly heartwarming . . . more beautiful than you can imagine it." It is no less true when people in a group or organization name elephants or speak dangerous truths -- what they finally see together is magical, heartwarming, and more beautiful than they would have imagined.
* I want to acknowledge the possible offense for some of using the image of elephants. Please take a moment to enjoy a
story which is a testimony to their beauty and magnificence.
