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Greetings!
Thank you for opening this email and reading the first monthly newsletter from Fearless Conversations. My intent is to share information and ideas that may support and inspire us all to create a world in which fearless conversations are possible in our workplaces and communities, in our families and among friends.
You can scroll down to read three short articles or click on topics under "In This Issue" at the top of the left column. I welcome your comments. I hope you will find items of interest and pass this newsletter on to other people.
Thank you for reading!
Shyrl
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Are Fearless Conversations Possible?
"They need you in Congress!" That's what people often say to me when I talk to them about the facilitation I offer in Fearless Conversations. Rolling their eyes to the heavens, they express their despair about our drastically polarized politics. Oddly enough, it's then that I know they understand what I really care about, i.e. helping people transform polarized situations into relationships and connections that work for all. In that moment,
I know they also understand that fearless conversations are possible, but they take courage.
When we say someone is "fearless", we don't mean that person acts without fear. We mean that person uses fear to trigger all the courage needed to move forward, for example, to complete a work of art, to perform an athletic feat, to go through a difficult situation. I think "fearless conversations" have particular meaning in organizations where we are most accustomed to using the word "discussion", the Latin root of which means "to dash to pieces". It is no wonder that people often dread meetings. It takes courage to bring one's ideas, questions and opinions to the table in spite of fear of having them dashed to pieces.
We know that fearless conversations are possible because we have experienced them. Fearless conversations happen whenever we courageously bring whatever we care about to the table AND open up to what matters to others. We engage in fearless conversations when we come to the table prepared to listen and not to interrupt, to learn and not to argue, to speak from what we know from our hearts, as well as our heads. Somehow I believe that the more we practice fearless conversations, the more we build the climate in which they will also happen in Washington!
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Thanks for Asking!
Have you ever thought about how often you say "thanks for asking"? For me the occasion for saying "thanks for asking" can be anything from being asked if I want water in a restaurant to being invited to give my opinion about something. I am moved to say "thanks for asking" because the person asking has connected with me in some way.
Asking is a critical feature of "fearless conversations" because engaging one another requires a certain amount of curiosity. When we are curious we are willing to suspend judgments and assumptions that may be in the way of listening to and understanding another person. Let it be recognized that suspending judgments and assumptions is extraordinarily hard! The attitude of curiosity helps!
The simple advantage of asking always comes up as an "aha!" moment when I'm using the Myers-Briggs Type IndicatorŪ (MBTIŪ) with a group. One does not need to know about this personality type instrument to have heard the terms "extravert" and "introvert". It is common to misinterpret introverts' typical reserve or quietness as unwillingness to talk about what they know or think or feel. Most often all they need is to be asked. The MBTIŪ shows us that ALL of us have both extraverted and introverted aspects in our personality. Some of the best breakthroughs happen in relationships or in groups when individuals learn how to ask questions that connect with the introverted aspects of one another. Often we know the questions because they are accompanied by fear of one kind or another. It is worth it to let the fear be an invitation to ask.
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In That Moment They Were New
In that moment the group became "new". That was my awareness of a collaborative group making one of the most critical decisions in its organization's recent history. We followed a number of steps in the process and used a variety of decision-making tools. At times the process seemed messy. In the end, the decision seemed to just "show up"; there it was - no more need to share opinions, to ask questions, to analyze information, to consider other possibilities. There it was - no more worry about their ability to make the decision. At that moment, they set off on a new direction with new clarity, new understanding, new commitment, and new confidence. A few new friends were made, as well.
The tipping point for making the decision was not reaching 100% agreement on every aspect of all the choices involved. The decision "arrived" after the group created 100% understanding of what mattered most to the organization and to the individuals around the table. This collaborative decision-making experience reminds me of Michael Michalko's recent article "Awakening Our Collaborative Spirit". He recounts that the physicist David Bohm researched the lives of Einstein and his colleagues and discovered that they spent years conversing with one another about ideas which later became the foundations of modern physics. I'm not suggesting taking years to make a decision; most of us pale at the thought of taking much time for anything. Still, I am convinced it is worth investing the time it takes to hear a variety of perspectives, to see different points-of-view, to build the foundations of collaboration. When the moment of decision arrives, all is new.
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| Thank You!
Thank you for taking the time to read this newsletter. I appreciate your connecting me with non-profit service organizations, schools, faith communities, small-to-mid-size businesses. Typically, I contract for design and facilitation of visioning or team-building retreats, strategic planning, meeting facilitation, transition planning, design and facilitation of decision-making processes.
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