It's a blizzard!  It's a blizzard!!  Well, that's what they say, anyway!  If you watch the news then you know that much of the county is battling the effects a massive snowstorm, and we are smack-dab in the middle of it!!  If you don't know already, many of our employees were unable to make it into the office today - yours truly being one of them.  (I was up at 5AM shoveling my driveway with the help of my wonderful neighbor and his snow blower hoping to make it in this morning.  Unfortunately, I was foiled by the snow piled in the street.  I got stuck!  Really, really stuck!  Thankfully, a very kind man on his way home from work helped me get my car in my driveway and it is from the comfort of my warm home that I bring you your HumpDay email!).   

I intended on embedding an impressive image of the huge snowbanks in front of our office, but that's not going to happen today.  So, you will have to settle for the not-so big snowbank in front of my home.  My German Shepherd Buddy and my wonderful son reluctantly posed for this picture.  

This week I have something that was so funny to me I had tears in my eyes as I was reading it.  The original version was a little more "colorful" than I could allow, so I cleaned it up some.  Still, if you are like us and struggling with an abundance of snow this year, I think you will find this as funny as I did.  Enjoy. 

The Diary of a Snow Shoveler  

6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9 

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12 

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.  

December 14 

Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!

The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

December 15 

20 inches forecasted. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.

The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for one hour, which I think was very cruel.

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.  

Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room! 

December 20 

Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of this stuff last night. More shoveling. Took. All. Day.  

Darn snowplow came by twice.  Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying. 

December 23 

Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to zero. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts?! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24 

6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!  

Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25

Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. Merry Christmas to me... 

December 29

10 more inches.  Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30 

Roof caved in and the snow plow driver is suing me.  We're selling the house and moving to Hawaii.

January 8

Hawaii is so beautiful.  It just started to rain.  The first rain of the season!  The wife and I took our cocktails and sat on the lanai for hours just watching the peaceful droplets fall from heaven.  I love the rain!

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