With gratitude to Hashem, our Parent in the heavens, my wife and I are expecting our first child. It is a time of great anticipation and excitement about how our lives will change when our prayers, God willing, are answered and we joyously welcome a new soul into the world. We feel so many emotions as we realize that this child will not only be the newest member of our family but, we can only hope, will grow into an important asset to our community and a leader among our people. Rachel and I will endeavor, as all parents do, to educate our children appropriately given their individual needs and talents.
As different as siblings can be, the two of us are very different as well. We love each other very much but we were raised in opposite parts of the country by families with different dynamics and world views. We are creatures of our own education and experiences and our differences sometimes lead us to conflict. But, most often, we cherish those aspects of the other that are distinct and unique.
This key to successful relationships, appreciating and incorporating into our lives the positive traits of our partners, is eluded to in this weeks Torah reading. Although I have read this story many times before, which describes the deep love and admiration Isaac and Rebecca shared, it takes on a new practical meaning this year as I pray for the safe arrival of our firstborn.
Rebecca knew right away that something strange was happening between her children as she could feel them struggling within her womb. The struggle became so fierce that she cried out "Why is this happening to me?" When the children are born it becomes evident that, although twins, they have very distinctive personalities. Esau is described as an outdoorsman - a fearless hunter who knows how to go out and get what he wants. Jacob, on the other hand, preferred to stay indoors and to live a simple life. The rabbis surmise that Jacob craved the pursuit of knowledge and spent his time studying and less time outside interacting with people.
What I find interesting is that we are told which child was loved more by each parent. Isaac loved Esau, the outdoorsman, while Rebecca loved Jacob. Since I cannot accept that a parent can love one child more than another, perhaps Isaac's reason for loving Esau is because he took after his mother and her side of the family with his cunning and sense of survival. Similarly, Rebecca loved that Jacob embodied traits of his father, Isaac, whom she so adored.
Isaac came from the strong and loving family of Abraham and Sarah. Imagine the positive traits one would learn as the child of Abraham, who was known to love all humankind and established a covenant with God. It is entirely possible that Isaac, perhaps even to a fault, routinely gave others the benefit of the doubt and believed in their good intentions. Isaac, while probably happy that Jacob chose to spend his time learning in a pursuit to better himself, recognized the quality that Esau inherited from his mother's side: an outgoing demeanor and ability to relate to others and gain their trust. Isaac, naively, couldn't believe a person would be capable of violating that trust.
Rebecca, though the love of Isaac's life, was raised quite differently. She came from the house of Betuel and, as the sister of Laban, we can imagine the loose morals prevalent in their home. These people routinely tried to further their personal or political agendas even by means of deceit and trickery. Rebecca understands that, as much as we wish it were not so, there are those in the world who would intentionally behave immorally in order to derive personal benefit. Rebecca worries that just because Esau is a people-person and has the ability to get things done, he is not guided by moral principles. He would even try to steal back the birthright having already sold it to his brother for a bowl of lentil soup! She knows that Jacob, taking after his father, always allows his principles to dictate his actions and not the other way around.
The values that children ultimately adopt, whether consciously or subconsciously, are composites of those modeled by parents, teachers and other adults who play significant roles in their development.
May we, as a community, have the strength to impart strong Torah values to the next generation by modeling decent behavior and loving one another though we are different. If we succeed, we can ensure that the legacy passed on to future generations will be a patchwork of the best of our attributes and heritage.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Steve Suson
