Listening to Whispers

Benedictine Sisters of St. Mary Monastery, Rock Island, Illinois

December 2008

Benedictine Sisters monastery grounds at St. Mary Monastery, Rock Island, Ill

Steps
Discerning your path in life

Listening to Whispers and Nudges:
A 37-year Discernment

Nancy Offenhiser was a 12-year-old Episcopal girl, standing in a strange and wonderful Japanese temple 7,000 miles from home, when she suddenly was pierced with a profound and unshakeable feeling. She experienced God. With the confidence of youth, she knew in that moment that she would spend her life seeking the Divine.

In the 37 years since that day in the temple, Nancy's search has taken her to many places. She delved into Buddhism. She eyed Lutheranism. She became a Catholic. She explored religious life with different communities, from the Precious Blood Sisters to the Carmelites and the Dominicans to the Benedictines. Always, she was seeking. Always, she had a hunger that could not be sated.

Now she has a spiritual home. Nancy entered the Benedictine community at St. Mary Monastery on November 1, following her heart into a life of balanced prayer and work that supports her search for God.

Life's Complications

Nancy's call to religious life had - despite her longing for God - seemed to be at an end over the past few years. She had settled into life as a Realtor in Freeport, Ill., committed to living with and caring for her aging, widowed father. Then one Friday evening she experienced another moment of knowing.

"About a year and a half ago, I was in my bedroom praying and I felt God touch my heart in a very deep way," she says. "I told the Lord, I know you're calling me again and I'm willing. But please make it possible for my dad. Remember the fifth commandment! I won't abandon him!"

Another complication was Nancy's age. At 48, she knew fewer and fewer communities would be open to her discernment. God, she knew, would have to move fast.

Another Nudge

Two days later, over Sunday dinner, Nancy's father asked, "You're not happy, are you?"

Instead of giving him the standard Of course I am answer, Nancy says she surprised herself by saying, simply, No.

Her father continued, "I don't think you'll ever be happy in your life unless you are practicing your religious vocation. I'm giving you my blessing to go do that."

"I almost fell out of my chair," Nancy says. "I Googled women's monastic communities in Illinois the next day, and contacted Sister Bobbi Bussan via the Benedictines' blog. I also began discernment with other communities, most actively the Carmelites of Cleveland."

The Final Choice

After a few months and extended stays at both communities - 10 days with the Benedictines and 6 days with the Carmelites - Nancy says she had enough information.

"I put away all my spiritual books, watched TV, went for walks and prayed," she says. "I asked God to make the decision for me. I said, It's not my will but yours."

Nancy's sense of urgency continued to grow as she waited for the decision.

"I was ready to leave the world and get about my business," she says. "I knew I loved the Benedictine Sisters and felt at home here, but wasn't sure. No matter how impatient I felt, though, I couldn't hurry the process. God speaks in whispers and nudges. It's very gentle."

The process culminated quietly one day in her spiritual director's office, during a task completely unrelated to the question. Out of nowhere, her director asked Nancy to - without thinking - sign her name on a sheet of paper, putting the initials of the order she wanted to see after her name.

"I wrote, Nancy L. Offenhiser, OSB," she says. "I felt an unbelievable sense of peace. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, because of the peace I feel."