What would your family say?

Benedictine Sisters of St. Mary Monastery, Rock Island, Illinois

November 2008

Benedictine Sisters monastery grounds at St. Mary Monastery, Rock Island, Ill

Steps
Discerning your path in life

You want to be a WHAT?
Parents share feelings about their daughter's call.

What would your parents say if you told them you were going to enter religious life? Would they be upset that you will never have children? In disagreement with your choice of religion? Unhappy that you're moving away?

Steps recently had a chance to ask such questions of the parents of our canonical novice, Stefanie MacDonald. Kathy and Steve MacDonald told us how they felt when Stefanie first announced her plans, and shared their feelings about her life with the Benedictines today.

What did you think when Stefanie told you she wanted to enter religious life?

Steve: It didn't surprise me. Stefanie always went to Mass and took theology classes in college. She chose to teach at a Catholic school.

Kathy: Religious life seemed to fit Stefanie.

Were you disappointed that she would not be having her own children?

Steve: Stefanie loves kids, which is why she chose to be a teacher and surround herself with children every day. As for me, we already have grandchildren from our daughter, Naomi. Naomi and Stef each chose the right path.

Kathy: I always thought the decision to get married and have children was my daughters' choice, not mine. Religious life fits Stefanie better than married life.

Stefanie had a lot to give up: a good job and friends. Her own place. Her car.

Steve: Our biggest concern was her teaching job - her career - which was very good. Her evaluations were great, she loved everyone and they loved her. I thought, Gee, you want to give all this up? What if it doesn't work out?

Kathy: Anther concern was our youngest daughter, who is intellectually disabled. She was accustomed to spending a lot of time with Stefanie. I worried, How will MacKenzie cope?

How long did it take for Stefanie to find the right community?

Steve: Stef lived with one order for a year before deciding there would be no - or very little - difference between living as a single woman and living as a sister there. It seemed like all the orders she visited after that were either community-oriented or ministry-oriented, but never both. And that didn't appeal to her.

Kathy: Stefanie was looking for a blend of three things: community and structured prayer and social justice ministry. She finally found it by Googling words like community and structured prayer together online.

When did you know that she had found what she was looking for?

Steve: When Stefanie came back from her first weekend with the Benedictines, she was so happy. She wanted to go back as soon as possible. This was a great sign that it would be a good fit.

Kathy: It seemed to have the blend of community and structured prayer life that she was looking for. It was social justice oriented.

Stefanie has lived in Rock Island for a year and a half, and has completed nearly half of her canonical novice year. How has it been for you?

Kathy: This year has been hard for all of us (the canonical novice year is spent almost exclusively at the monastery, with family visits taking place only every two months). We were used to vacationing together and doing things like Christmas shopping together.

Steve: We miss her terribly. But on the other hand, she could have gotten married and moved to Oregan. We have friends whose daughter moved to France. Stefanie has told us that this has been the happiest part of her adult life. As a parent, when you hear your child say that, everything else seems minor.

How do the two of you feel about the community?

Steve: When we visit, the welcome we receive is so warm and loving. There's always someone there to greet us, give us a hug. They invite us to meals and to spend the night. It's a good, good place.

Kathy: Our daughter MacKenzie loves it there, too. In some ways, I think it has been good for her. She enjoys visiting with all of the Sisters, and they are very kind to her.

Steve: Sometimes, I think, parents fear they'll never see their child again. But the Benedictines have the right mix of new-family, but don't-forget-the-old.

Kathy: We all want our children to lead happy and productive lives. To see Stefanie be so welcomed by this strong and vibrant community that is doing good work is wonderful. She is living a happy and meaningful life. We are just thrilled."