What to do in the event of "flocking?"
How to cope or prevent flocking: Due to this unusual natural occurrence, scientists have put measures in place, not only to cope with possible "flocking," but also to prevent "flocking" by those who have a natural aversion to events of this kind. These measures are listed below:
1. $25 - Deflock your yard: If you find yourself a victim of "flocking," please call the flocking hotline or send an email to flocking regulators. A team will be sent to your house to remove the unwanted flock from your yard.
2. $30 - Flock your friend or neighbor: Interestingly enough scientists have received a number of requests for the flock to be shepherded to neighbors, friends, and family so that they might witness this unusual occurrence. Therefore, for a small fee, a person can make a request that the flock be shared with another.
3. $35 - Purchase flocking insurance: For a minimal one time fee, it is possible to prevent the flock from settling in your yard. With the help of modern technology, flocking insurance will guarantee that your yard will remain flock free for the year. If you are concerned about being flocked and would prefer to spare yourself the trouble of dealing with a migratory mishap, call the flocking hotline for insurance information and spend the rest of the year worry free!
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Prefer not to participate in the Fundraiser?
For those who would prefer not to participate in this fundraiser please alert Elizabeth and we will make sure that you are not inadvertently flocked. This fundraiser is meant to be fun and under no circumstances are Ascension members obligated to participate.
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