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MuseLetter
Inspired Self-Expression
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Greetings!
Are you a Good Girl or Bad Girl; a Nice Guy or Rogue? Perhaps a combination of both? In this issue we'll be taking an intimate look at what it means to be authentically present in everyday life. The good, the bad and the uncompromising; showing up as who you are.
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Good Girl Bad Girl
One of my clients just had a major breakthrough. After fifty years of biting her tongue, she finally told her mother to "Shut Up". This may sound harsh and unforgiving to some of you, trite and insignificant to others, but unless we've intimately walked in another's shoes, we just don't have the information, or the right, to judge them. Since the age of six, Kate endured endless insults, disapproval and paralyzing criticism from her mother. She stuffed the pain out of daughterly duty, suppressed her anger for fear of hurting her mother's feelings and sacrificed her own sense of worth just to keep her mother 'happy'. That is, until that fateful day ... she told her mother to "Shut Up."
There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! Take me - or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities life presents you. - Stacy Charter Kate recalls blurting those forbidden words with childlike enthusiasm; That Day the seas parted inside of her. She recounts every detail like a beloved children's story: line by line, word by word, full of vim and vigor, fear and dread; all, beautifully and messily, culminating into hard-one personal liberation. I liken her experience to leaping off Mount Everest only to discover that she could fly. She had feared her mother would fall over dead from the shock of such an affront. She had fantasized saying those words for years: one year grew into two, two into ten, ten into twenty, until fifty years had come and gone. She spent decades muting the team of wild horses that lived on the tip of her tongue. At fifty six years of age, on That Day - Kate became whole and ... her mother didn't die.
She now walks with a curious new spring to her step; the tone of her voice has been singed by the rising fire in her belly, her eyes are translucent as if she can see right through you. Her new mantra has become: "I matter, I count." The hushed woman that she had always been is gone now, as she is becoming the very woman she has long wanted to be. And as Kate continues to shed her 'good girl' allegiance, much to her own surprise - she is discovering that being bad feels very very good, indeed.
The Many Faces of Shame
William Blake wrote, "Shame is pride's cloak", in other words, when we feel shame, what are we hiding? And Blaise Pascal said, "The only shame is to have none", which implies that shame is intrinsic to
human nature. In essence, shame is noble and necessary in that it informs us when something is amiss or not quite right; whether in our own thinking and actions; someone else's or both.
So how do we constructively deal with the shame of hurtful, yet healing behavior? Telling the truth can indeed be cathartic, but it can also lead us into completely new territory within ourselves and our relationships. |
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We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Mathew is an attractive and successful forty-something business owner who strikes a hearty balance between work and play. He works hard and plays hard. In fact, his dance card would make most men blanch, and because he has yet to marry and "settle down", he has acquired somewhat of a 'bad boy' reputation. But in truth, Matthew is a conscientious level headed straight shooter. His two older siblings married, had children and divorced before the age of 35 and he doesn't want to make the same mistakes. While he knows there are no guarantees that waiting will secure a lasting marriage, he is willing to wait until the time is right for him. His parents insist that he is wasting time and his siblings accuse him of being a player. Yet, despite the negative opinions of those he loves the most; Matthew is listening to his own heart and conscience.
Honesty is the only path that moves you forward.
During our sessions over coffee, I am continually impressed with Matthew's commitment to his own vision. He is self-aware, honest and forthright, in both his business dealings and romantic life. He welcomes my candid honesty and feminine point of view and knows, first hand, the sensitive issues regarding his lack of readiness and dating. Matthew pulls no punches and strives to be considerate and authentic. He doesn't tell a woman what he thinks she wants to hear, he tells her his truth. And I am confident that what may appear as puerile and/or selfish to others, will be the very characteristics that will win the heart of the right woman for him. As in the above Emerson quote, Matthew isn't ashamed of the divine idea within himself, he has the courage to live it without apology.
As Abraham Maslow eloquently stated, "Self-Actualizing people accept themselves, others and the natural world the way they are. They see human nature as is, have a lack of crippling guilt or shame and enjoy themselves without regret or apology." Good girl, bad girl, nice guy or rogue - people are going to perceive you according to their own perceptions, history and ideals. Relinquish the guilt, throw away the shame, and LIVE your life without apology or regret. Show up, be present, express and share who you are full out. And for those who can't bear your truth ... let them go and move on.
Shamelessly,
Bad Girl Robyn Lark Wakefield
mentor, coach, guide and muse |
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The Urban Goddess MuseLetter is a bi-monthly publication providing inquiry, inspiration, community and support for all who are committed to creative, authentic and unbridled self-expression.
Exploring native intelligence, creativity, non-duality, imagination, diversity, art, love, vulnerability and other real life stuff.
The contents of this newsletter may incite euphoria, uncertainty, heightened self-confidence and/or doubt. The author is not a Medical Doctor, Licensed Psychologist or Ordained Minister. Matter of fact, she was required to take two years of Related Math in college and still doesn't know her multiplication tables. Urban Goddess ® is a registerd trademark and trade name. All rights reserved. © 1992-2011
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The hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle to be
just you.
- Leo F. Buscaglia
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There is just one life for each of us:
our own.
- Euripides
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To be great
is to be misunderstood.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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why
MUST
we
give
VOICE
to
our
BAD
girl...?
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Urban Goddess Urban Bitch
Celebrating the
Primordial Feminine
embracing all of who we are
 Honoring the Shadowlands, the Underbelly, the Deep Earth of our Being
Sunday, Mar 27
1pm - 6pm
Unity of Dallas
Register by March 8th $79
a sacred gathering
for women only
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