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MuseLetter
Inspired Self-Expression
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Greetings!
The Urban Goddess MuseLetter is a bi-monthly publication providing inquiry, inspiration, community and support for all who are committed to creative, authentic and unbridled self-expression.
Exploring native intelligence, creativity, non-duality, imagination, diversity, art, love, vulnerability and other real life stuff.
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Luck or Determination?
Faith, Grace and Giving Up Control
After eighteen tumultuous, hellish and maddening months, I finally received a permanent modification of my home mortgage loan. And a 'sweet' one at that, in fact, far beyond anything I would have imagined or hoped for. Considering the odds, this was no small feat.
 The Obama administration's Home Affordable Modification Program (HAMP) was created in early 2009 to allow 3 - 4 million homeowners to modify their mortgages in hopes of averting a nation wide tidal wave of foreclosures. A recent watch dog report indicated that less that 9% of eligible borrowers have received a loan modification that has become permanent. And as stated in a recent SmartOnMoney (2010) article, "nearly half of the homeowners who enrolled in HAMP have fallen out complaining that the program is a complete mess with neither the banks nor the government knowing which end is up."
Frankly, a "complete mess" is a glaring understatement; the seventy-five billion dollar mortgage relief program is a slippery slope of bureaucratic dysfunction. Since May of 2009, I have talked with over 300 Chase Bank representatives and have yet to speak with the same person twice. I have conversed with a dozen people in a single day, getting a dozen conflicting answers to the same question. Program rules and criteria change from month to month requiring constant follow-up, copious documentation and NERVES OF STEEL. So, was it luck or determination? Does 'good fortune' only happen to lucky people?
Luck has a peculiar habit of favoring
those who don't depend on it.
- Author unknown
Faith: Not for the faint of heart
Paraphrasing Bob Makransky (2010) in his essay, What's the Difference between Faith and Fooling Yourself?, "Faith means releasing your own plans and designs, your demands that Spirit bring you what you want, when you want it. It means emptying yourself of ego, and being willing to trust. Faith is relaxed; it is not pushing to get anywhere or frantically seeking an exit.
Fooling yourself is the belief that there IS an exit - that if you just found the right button to push, God would deliver a miracle and save you. Fooling yourself doesn't bring a sense of relief and release. True release can only come when you give up looking for an exit, for an escape hatch; when you truly reach the end of your rope and have to let go and drop into the abyss. Spiritual growth is basically just a matter of exhaustion."
So, I suppose the good new is ... I'm beyond exhausted.
Staying mindful and on-purpose during hardship and uncertainty has required pit bull instincts and blind faith. Yet, somewhere within the determined quest for justice and sanity - faith and equanimity, I stumbled into an inner sanctum that has loosened me from all of those constructs; a place that can only be entered by way of deep surrender; the end of the rope -- the abyss.
 And the irony is that surrender often first arrives masquerading as anger, fear, hopelessness and grief; yet, once you've hit that wall of sheer exhaustion, when all your defenses are down, when you think you can't take another minute of the chaos and ambiguity; bewildered and striped naked -- you stagger into the saving arms of grace.
Makransky writes, "Grace has to be prepared for. When we take complete responsibility for ourselves and situations, understanding that no deity is going to save us, then and only then will the way be cleared for Spirit to fill us."
This is one of the great conundrums of life; we must be emptied before we can be filled. And often times the most poignant lessons and gifts in our lives are to have things, situations and people we cherish leave us or fall away. Whether revolution comes via illness, career change, economic challenge or simply the natural passage of time; life is always changing, and loss - inevitable.
Loss means losing what was. We want to
change but we don't want to lose. Without time
for loss, we don't have time for soul.
- James Hillman
To end, there will always be times that we become weary; there will always be obstacles, disappointments and defeat. But these earthly frustrations are simply divine reminders ... to enter "the empty" and nourish our souls.
Live with passion and on-purpose, because you'll never get outa here alive,
Robyn Lark Wakefield
mentor, coach, guide and muse
(Private Programs and Consultations are provided nationally via teleconference)
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DISCLOSURE: Regarding my comment about "bureaucratic dysfunction", I have lived it. However, I voted for Obama as I believe he is right for our nation at this time. But no matter who we vote in office, we've serious and longstanding problems to address regarding our values, vision and consumption culture. - R
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The contents of this newsletter may incite euphoria, uncertainty, heightened self-confidence and/or doubt. The author is not a Medical Doctor, Licensed Psychologist or Ordained Minister. Matter of fact, she was required to take two years of Related Math in college and still doesn't know her multiplication tables.
Urban Goddess ® is a registerd trademark and trade name.
All rights reserved. © 1992-2010
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This Issue's MuseMaker
For Women Only
Passion & Purpose
Fall Program
Living On-Purpose
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" The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions,
the more likely there's gold in letting go
of them."
-John Seely Brown
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This Issue's Inquiry
Is there something
you need to let go? |
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I am not going to give you a destination. I can only give you a direction - awake, throbbing with life, unknown, always surprising, unpredictable.
- Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
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"As in nature, as in art, so in grace; it is rough treatment that gives souls, as well as stones, their luster."
- Thomas Guthrie
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