Are you tired of talking about communication? Does it seem endless the number of times that
"communication" is to blame for problems between co-workers, from management to
employees, within families and between couples?
Well I'm here to say
enough is enough.
Are you with me?
Good. Now here's what
I'm really saying - enough is
enough. In other words, as a specialist
in communication and conflict resolution, I can tell you that the biggest
problems I find in business, among teams, and within families, occurs when one,
both or all parties fail to pay attention to whether or not enough information
has actually been exchanged. How do you
know when this is happening? Read on:
1. You can tell the other person is "giving
in" to you - or you are giving in to them.
Often done to avoid an argument or lengthy discussion,
this situation occurs when we try to get things done without over-questioning
or over-explaining. Things may seem fine
as work is getting done and things are being handled. However, the long term result is that the
party who "gives in" makes assumptions about the other person and the reason
for their requests. They may see him or
her as difficult, unreasonable, or even foolish. Over time respect is lost and the
relationship is damaged.
2.
You
unexpectedly get resistance over something - Similar to the situation
above, this time the other person isn't giving in, but is in some way pushing
back. He/she may be quietly avoiding
work that should be done, pushing your buttons by asking questions you see as unnecessary,
or repeatedly doing something the "wrong" way.
You may feel frustrated or angry with this person's attitude or behavior. Over time this resistance may reach to a
level of insubordination and discipline.
3.
You find
yourself telling the other person to "Just do it" - Perhaps you've learned
to expect resistance over a particular request or by a specific individual, so
rather than enter into a discussion you give a straight-forward order. You may see this as the fastest way to get
from point A to point B, but at what cost?
While intended to cut out some of the above problems, this type of
communication instead complicates things further. A direct order demonstrates a lack of trust
in the recipient's ability to make decisions or think things through. In business this causes employee
dissatisfaction and in any situation erodes positive elements of the
relationship.
4. You feel the other persons unspoken
confusion, annoyance, or frustration - Perhaps you are savvy enough to
recognize these signs of resistance, but are you addressing them? Have you truly unveiled the problems that
lead to those feelings? Most of the time
we take the shortest route for getting something done, and instead of entering
into a discussion about the task, request, etc., we respond by allowing one of
the three prior scenarios to take hold. Or,
we do seek to address the issue, but allow it to be closed even when we aren't
sure that the problem has been solved - only that the effort has been
made.
In all of these situations, "enough" did not happen. The best of intentions did not lead to the
best results. Instead, communication was stilted, incomplete, compromised, or
completely ignored.
To learn what to communicate, and how
to recognize when you are communicating enough, join our up-coming Peace-Maker Training webinar. Communication will be
the first topic of this 3-part program
