Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives. 1 Peter 3:1
My fifteen year-old son Garrett is not much of a mouth mover. When I pick up my dialogue deviant after school, I'm full of questions but his male mainframe can't process too much in one rap session. Usually, I initiate the conversation, but one day my studious scholar hopped in the car with a riveting report.
"Mom, our teacher told us today that researchers have proven that women talk more than men."
"Really?" I inquired. This ought to be good.
"Statistically, women average 20,000 words a day. Men only speak about 10,000 words. So there ya have it...I told you girls talk too much!"
I thought for a moment and turned down the volume on the radio.
"It's only because we have to repeat everything to you guys," I reasoned.
"What?"
My sentiments exactly.
I guess women techno talk more too. Garrett went to Jazz camp last week in Sacramento. Anxious to find out how his first day was, I texted him after dinner. I hope you are having a great time. I miss you already. How was your flight and what band did you make? His reply: Good.
Gee, that was clear...a one-word reply to my greeting and two questions. To which question did his response apply? I never did find out.
Imagine my shock when I read 1 Peter 3:1 for the first time. Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.
Talking without words? What kind of foreign language is that? Is this type of thing even possible? Wouldn't it be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle? (Ok, you gentlemen reading this, please control yourselves. You have your share of issues too.)
My confusion only intensified when I read the verse in the King James Version of the Bible. King Jimmy says that women can persuade by their conversation. So which is it-with or without words?
Currently, Webster's defines conversation as this: "The spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions, and feelings; talk." But check this out: Webster's Dictionary published in 1828 defines conversation quite differently: "General course of manners; behavior; deportment; especially as it respects morals." According to this definition, conversation focuses on our actions. The Hebrew translation substantiates this earlier definition. Conversation comes from the Hebrew word, anastrophe, which means "manner of life, conduct, and behavior."
Somewhere in the past couple of centuries, the original meaning of the word conversation has been diluted. Where it once meant communication by behavior, our culture now regards it to only involve a verbal exchange. No wonder our generation is confused. We have grown up to believe if we have eloquent speech, convincing orations, and lavish lectures, we can persuade. Or in my case, the louder I whine, squall and bawl, the more my man will give in.
Believe me, I've tried the talky thing with my husband. In futility, I'd state an argument one way and then another. When my first two presentations didn't work, I've give an encore. (He never applauded.) It's taken many years of marriage for me to figure out that silence is louder than a scream. Influence has more to do with our demeanor than our dialogue.
Even though the Apostle Peter's advice was written for wives, we can apply the principles of conversation to all of our relationships. As Christians, most of us value influence, but we are the most convincing and authentic when our behavior reflects a Godly manner of life and pure conduct. We've got to revive biblical essentials. We can win people over without a word. A quiet strength is a position of power.
I've been talking a lot less these days. I've decided to think before I talk and give my character more liberty to speak. Plus, I'm getting a zipper for my lip. Just don't tell Garrett. He'll never let me hear the end of it.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, there is so much truth that actions speak louder than words. Please help my behavior reflect a godliness that can influence others for your kingdom. May Your glory shine in me, especially during times when the world is watching how I handle conflict, criticism and challenges. May they see a difference in me that will persuade them to want to know You. And when I'm tempted to speak my mind and defend myself, help me to remember to ask for Your guidance first. I pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen.
© Christy Johnson 2008, All Rights Reserved
