CUUPS Bulletin
Warning: This is a test issue - based on a April Fools theme. None of these UUA officials made any of these statements & CUUPS is not going on a corporate merger spree.
Nonetheless, CUUPS may soon have a monthly email bulletin which may approximately resemble this format (ie fonts, layout, symbols, etc.) Any feedback on what you see would be greatly appreciated. This issue's content is not generally along the same lines of what you'd normally see - but it does answer the question - What would the CUUPS Newsletter look like if it were outsourced to The Onion?
The next test issue will attempt to provide a 'look & feel' and a content preview for the proposed Bulletin, and should come out in the next couple weeks. Any chapter, or other CUUPS related news (300 words or less) that you like to have included in it can be sent to bulletin@cuups.org
CUUPS Bulletin Project Editor,
David Pollard |
| May the Farce Be With You... |
April Fools 2007 |
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| CUUPS Pride!
I am pleased to report that CUUPS, Inc. has acquired and taken over Pagan Pride Day, a non-profit corporation. Henceforth, we will be known as CUUPS Pride.
Taking back the coffee-hour!
This will mean a few changes around here. We will no longer be a thealogically baseed organization, but focused on CUUPS Pride, making sure that cups are the predominant mode of coffee consumption during UU Church coffee hours. Too long have UUs mistakenly over-caffinated themselves by downing huge mugs of coffee turning thoughtful conversations into hurried meaningless gabfests as congregants tried to spew their thoughts out before they make a mad dash for the restrooms!
CUUPS Pride will bring back sanity to UU Coffeehours, a congregational task truly worthy of an Independent Affiliate Organization. |
Our Sponsors
We'd like to thank Constant Contact for giving us a 60 day trial run with the product to test it out and see if it can meet our needs.
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Greetings!
April is here and with the first buds of Spring it's redocorating season at the CUUPS National Temple Complex. This year we're going Greek Classical, replete with marble Corinthian collums and frescos depicting the plots of the first five of Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" novels.
But this sort of wholesale rebuilding takes money, a lot of it and all of it....yours. Ever since the upset at the last Fort Worth General Assembly where we sacrificed the prize-winner Longhorns at the Cowtown Stockyards to read their portends, the UUA has been returning our grant requests unread.
Now we realize that falling back on our membership for funding is so gauche, but you know? These are difficult times. I realize that some of you artsy types aren't used having fulltime jobs - so here's the deal. Go out, and get a job - then if dealing with a weekly paycheck is just too much stress for you... send it to US! It'll deffintely make you feel better, or at least make us feel better. |
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CUUPS At GA
The Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans will be having a busy time in Portland June 20-25th. But the BIG surprise is that we've been invited to participate in the closing ritual - for which we'll be doing a Tsunami Summoning - so be sure to bring your floatees!
Yes, I know we tried this last year in St. Louis, but we feel that attempting it somewhere that isn't 1,500km from the ocean should greatly increase our chances of success.
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Fluffy Bunnies Endorse Human Sacrifice
Under the influence of the evil HelloKali, a consortium of Fluffy Bunny groups have given their distracted consent to human sacrifice. Speaking for the group (most of whom had left to go shopping) Krystal Spiffyspirit, author of Celtic Tantra Without Consequences, said "well I guess it's OK, as long as they die happy..." |
 Bill Sinkford Affirms the Language of Reverance is Pig-Latin
"Let us ray-pae" UUA President William Sinkford intoned before a crowd of hundreds at the historically Humanist anyville Unitarian Church....and nary an eyebrow was raised.
Theologically charged language long had been a contentious issue at many UU churches. Then, inspriation hit when UUA officials observed the glowing reviews a holiday concert of a Bach Contada recevied, even though it primarily dealt with praising the Virgin Birth.
"If that theology had come from a UU pulpit in English, it would have been head-spins and pea soup for sure!" marveled Ministry Director Elizabeth Miller, as MFC member Rev. Mark Belletini nodded vigorously behind her. "We suddenly realized that if we didn't say the "trigger" words in English, Humanists won't react to them. "At first we were going to suggest that UU ministers immediately switch to medival Latin, but since that's no longer a required seminary course - we couldn't do that - plus some Humanists are doctors and lawyers...so they might catch on."
Pig-Latin was agreed to as a work-around. "Yeah, there's probably a few agnostics who heard it before, but it's been MANY, many years since most of them have seen a schoolyard." a parish minister confided.
"This Esus-Jay guy's all right with me" remarked 89 year old Harold Adams, a staunch Atheist. "Sounds to me like he's just another worker who got nailed by Big Government!... I'm just so glad our minister's finally stopped talking all that God and Christ crap!" |
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Rave Remix of State Of Paganism Released
Margot Adler's 2006 General Assembly address, The State of Paganism Today has been reissued as a limited release dance mix. "With her professional delivery, putting a backbeat to it was just sooo easy!" reported DJGaia the disc's mixmaster.
Attempts to give the same treatment to other GA programs were not as successful though, "we tried putting together a Trance Dance sampler of various other GA lectures, but dancer's kept toppling over when they fell asleep."
However, even this appearent problem, may present opportunities, as the GA alternative media group is waiting for the go-ahead on a new Better Church Finance thru Sleep-Learning series.
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