Men's Briefs - February 2012 Issue

Coming out of the closet can have positive impacts on our mental health, according to a study done by the University of Rochester. Coming out in a supportive environment increases our sense of self-worth, while reduced the chances of experiencing anger issues and depression.

Syphilis is on the Rise Again The Public Health Agency of Canada has issued a statement that after 13 years of near elimination; syph is back on the radar! With dramatically increasing infection rates, 90% of reported syphilis cases in Toronto were by men. Possible causes for the increase in infections and recommendations for safer sex practices to reduce chance of infection are highlighted.

Kink Safety Tips

HiM HIM takes a peek at ways to indulge in kinky sex through responsible and safer practice. Tips on fisting, scat play, water sports, sounding, spanking, whipping and flogging are included in this short piece on kink safety

Quebec launches policy against homophobia

Quebec launches a provincial policy against homophobia! The policy includes acknowledging the realities of the queer community, promoting the wellbeing and human rights of sexual minorities, and a strategic action plan for government and public institutions to address homophobia.

Greetings!

"Hi, I'm ~birch. Who are you?"

My dear friend and mentor Ed Wolf suggests this as the best way to start a conversation. In his near thirty years as a San Francisco AIDS educator, he's initiated many conversations.

With his ass-kicking encouragement, I am delighted to step into the role of coordinator of AVI's Men's Wellness Program. Doing so, I slip into the large scuffed-up Dr. Martens left by my pal Captain Snowdon, now the dowager MWP dude.

Over the past several months I've shuffled around the 'men loving/lusting for men' culture of Vancouver Island. Everywhere I travel folks have been deeply appreciative of the long march Captain has trod over these past six years. He has supported and challenged our local and regional populations to claim our place in today's queerly diversified world. Thank you Captain, for being you and for inviting others to do their version of the same. You are deeply loved and appreciated by many. For your Captain up-date, read on.

Last May, while working on SHINE! 2011 (also see below) I applied for the MWP position and had to ask, "Why me, now?" At a ripening 44, the answer eventually became clear, "It's time to give back." Now is the time to play my part in honour of all the incredible queer men who came before me. It took me a couple of decades to wake up to the realization that it was because of the community loving contributions of those fierce, flaming homos of yore that my life is infinitely richer, more meaningful, and way more fun. First, I needed to get over the internal bitch session of what's not happening in my gay reality. I also needed to acknowledge a desire for more progressive, face-to-face play-mates. Now, when asked what I'm up to, I smirk and say, "I'm gay for pay."

The biggest pay-off is that daily, I get to assist many gay, trans, bi, two spirit, queer and questioning men to help give themselves a break. What we often interpret as self-pity is often a result of external social oppression, which we in turn, internalize. Once we begin to see the self-pathologizing pattern, we begin to sort out actions that feel more authentic and real to who we are as non-hetero identified men. The program also develops group events so if you have ideas bring them on but be prepared to make them happen. Email me at robert.birch@avi.org

Queerly,

Robert Birch

Men's Wellness Coordinator

So, what's been going on?

SHINE! 2011: Thirty-three men from the region met on Saltspring Island for three days of luscious food, deep play, woodsy walks and a hard look at who we are today as a culture. Almost eighty other men, of all ages, said they wanted to participate and to keep them informed of the next event. If you are interested in the next incarnation of SHINE! -we're looking for organizers and participants in Nanaimo, Campbell River, and Port Hardy over the next two years. Book now. It looks like the next event is coming up this spring and will be called SHINE (+), a way to connect younger gay men with more mature poz guys. Our own version of a living history project.
Men's Heart Circles: Victoria has had its fourth, Saltspring, its sixteenth and Courtenay, its second. What's a heart circle? Some 70's throw-back encounter group? No. A chance to be seen and heard? Yup, no apology here. There exists almost NO place in our world for gay men to sit together and openly share stories, free of interruption and judgment. For an hour or two we create a great, confidential space for men who love men to be together. Then we eat great food. Interested in taking a few hours away from your computer and meeting some heart-centered men? We are actively seeking men in Port Hardy, Tofino, Port Alberni and Duncan to get their heart-ons as well. If you would be willing to host a heart-circle contact me!.
Creating Connections: On the 19^th of each month, 7-8:30 p.m. We meet at our Victoria home office on Johnson St. to swap stories with our wider LGBTQQ2S-XYZ community. As someone recently said, "Life changing." Not to mention, nothing builds community quite like a dessert potluck buffet.
Tuesday Coffee Clutch: Another long-time initiative has moved to Serious Coffee in Cook Street Village on Tuesdays from 6PM to whenever. Coffee, gossip, puzzles and Grindr-athons with a middle aged crew (just calling a daddy a daddy, guys), that love to chat up other gay locals of Victoria, and younger guys wanted to show the men how to work their new app. For advice, or trouble, ask for Ed! (Love you, Ed.)

When does it "get better"?

In the spirit of giving back and the never-ending necessity of building safer communities, it is important to ask, 'How do we make meaningful the sacrifices of the dead?'

Boston News report September 27, 2011: I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens. What do I have to do so people will listen to me? Jamey Rodemeyer, age 14, was found dead outside his home - an "apparent" suicide. Fourteen summers-old, bright, poetic, cherubic, one of us, gone.
The October 19, 2011 CBC headline reads, "Ottawa boy's suicide affects gay teens: Jamie Hubley, 15, said he was the only openly gay student at his school."
This just out: 64% of queer kids say they don't feel safe in school!

As gay adults we are still profoundly impacted by our own memories of hiding, denying, minimizing, sculpting our ways of how to walk and talk in a world that denied our intrinsic way of being. Fit in, or else. Many still bear the physical and psychological scars of school yard bullying. We survived and many of us now thrive. For our gay babies warped by a hyper-insensitive and techno-intrusive world, there is no escape from cyber-bullying. When you get threatening text messages in bed, no relief is allowed. If not now, when? We cannot expect Glee or the new institution of gay marriage to do our work for us. We gotta help our own.

Checkout Rick Mercer of the CBC's rant: http://www.gender-focus.com/2011/10/26/video-rick-mercer-on-anti-gay-bullying/

Violence eats away at us all

Homo-violence negatively affects straight kids as well. Ever meet a talented teenage male singer who won't share his gifts with the world for fear of being labeled a fag? How about that lost twenty-five year old starving for a father's hug? The straight identified girl dates a shut-down, angry-young boyfriend and blames herself for it. Homophobia is a social illness that affects everyone.

Please contact MWP if you would like to help initiate a gay mentorship program here on Vancouver Island.

Co-editor's briefs...

Although I wear boxers! I am proud to co-edit Men's Briefs. I see it as a great opportunity to expand content and relevance while refocusing on the important issues, gay men's health.

As a volunteer, I felt I wasn't involved enough in our small community. When I told some of my friends about this position, their immediate thoughts were, "I didn't know you were poz." It's this uninformed attitude that has inspired me to put out information regarding the Men's Wellness Program. I am proof that you don't need to be HIV positive to volunteer to help our community.

My hope is to see many new faces in upcoming issues. We're looking for up and coming gay writers or journalists that have something to say. So I ask you to please send us anything from story ideas, to editorials, to concerns regarding the health and wellness of homosexual males in and around our wider community.

Although we bid farewell to Captain and embrace ~birch, rest assured dear reader, exciting things are happening. If you wish to get involved and influence these changes, contact us and we'll make it happen together.

Cheers,

John R Brownlee

Co-editor/Writer Men's Briefs

Make him squeal SEX TIPS!

"Make him melt - blowjobs on the rocks!"

Blowjobs. Some love to give 'em, some love to get 'em, and some just love head in general. Sometimes head can become a bit routine so it's fun to change things up every once and a while. Next time you're about to bob a knob, try giving a blowjob on the rocks.

You may think that giving head with ice would cause some serious shrinkage, but it actually has the opposite reaction - long lasting rock hard boners.

First, suck on an ice cube for about 30 seconds to freeze your mouth and to make sure you've rounded off any sharp edges. Keep the cube(s) in your mouth while you go to town. Take another cube, hold it tight, melt a wee bit, and rub it up and down his shaft. Continue popping cubes in your mouth to re-cool.

Try it out - you'll make him melt. Or, try the opposite. Fill you're mouth with hot tea, swish it around for a while to heat your mouth up, and perform. It'll taste good, smell good, and feel good. Chamomile, mint, chai, try them all out and see which one you like!

What planet are you from?

by Anna Malkin

onmyplanet.ca is an LGBTQ positive website that is part online Queer Community Centre and part mainstream educational project. It is home to The Queer Story Archive and (with your help) is soon to be the future home of the "Work It Out" online therapeutic workbook for reducing homophobia.

Research has shown that the more familiar someone is with the queer community, the less likely they are to experience homophobia or to act on their feelings of sexual prejudice. The goal of The Queer Story Archive is to compile as many queer stories as possible in an accessible place - a place where queer people can find familiar and supportive people and get some queer history first hand; a place where the rest of the world can encounter an incredibly diverse cross-section of our LGBTQ communities and get to know us better.

This project originated through the community organization Creating Connections (see our Facebook page) and encourages people of all ages, genders, and orientations to include their queer stories in the archive at onmyplanet.ca.

Eventually onmyplanet.ca hopes to be an online support network, a discussion forum, an advice column, and an online community.

Your contribution to our fundraising campaign will help onmyplanet.ca change our reality. http://rockethub.com/projects/3635-work-it-out-at-www-onmyplanet-ca

Greetings friends, Captain here!

After a delightful summer in San Francisco, I am back in Victoria. My part-time practice, of the past 2 years, has moved into a full time offering. I am taking new clients in my Sex Counseling practice. I see folks with all kinds of sexual and gender questions, desire discrepancy in couples, people who want to change their relationship to porn, and folks with general curiosity about how their sex and int photo-captain

imate lives can be expanded.

Many exciting things have happened in the last couple months including having my mentor, Joseph Kramer, hand the Canadian Sexological Bodyworker Training 2012 over to me and my colleague Lorna Hanna. I am so honoured to be joining the amazing lineage of this teaching. It is being offered in Australia, Switzerland, Austria, the US, and Canada. Sexological Bodywork is the profession and modality that has come out of the origins of the Body Electric work.

I have also just arrived home from Hartford, CT where I was teaching at the founding session of www.iseee.com, The Institute for Sex Education, Enrichment and Enlightenment. Started by Roz Dischavo, a visionary and friend, the institute's mission is to provide high quality sex education to professionals and individuals.

I am also just finishing renovations at my place, SPARC, the Sex Positive Art and Resource Center for workshops and other classes. Check us out and 'Like' us on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sex-Positive-Art-and-Resource-Center-SPARC/2

Great workshops coming up in the next two months:

Deconstructing Jealousy, Boundaries and Negotiations in Relationships
Divine Kink
Healing Genital and Abdominal Scar Tissue from Surgeries
...and many more!

Finally, I have had the pleasure of working and playing with ~birch this summer and fall and am so delighted at the new directions and energy he brings to the Men's Wellness Program.

Life is brilliant. Thanks for all your support over the last six years.

Queerly, with pleasure,
Dr. Liam "Captain" Snowdon
www.elementalsexology.com
250-516-6850

Tyler's Safe & Easy Potluck Recipe:
Macaroni, lentils & cheese!

3 cups cooed elbow macaroni

1 cup cooked red lentils (you can throw them in with macaroni as it's boiling)
1 can beans in tomato sauce

3/4 cup grated mozzarella cheese

3/4 cup grated marble cheese

3 tbsp. grated Parmesan cheese

1 tbsp. butter

1 tbsp. flour

1 cup skim milk

1 tsp. granular mustard

fresh ground black pepper

bread crumb

1) In a medium saucepan over medium heat, combine butter and flour. Once melted, gradually add skim milk. Continue stirring until sauce has thickened. Add grated mozzarella and marble. Then add mustard and pepper. Stir until it has a thick consistency. Remove from heat.
2) Add sauce to cooked macaroni and lentils. Add beans as well.
3) Pour mixture into a large, greased casserole dish. Sprinkle breadcrumbs and Parmesan cheese over top.
4) Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes, or until bubbling on the sides.

*Interested in scantily clothed beautiful men, photography, awkward dates and baking pies? Follow Michael Martin on his adventures as a comic, baker and avid dater on his blog, PieFolk: http://piefolk.net

Up and coming...

Queer-dynamo cub, Andrew Shopland joins MWP for his UVIC practicum in Victoria. Together we're 'auditioning' for a new M.L./L.M. theatre troupe. Andrew will man-handle the topics of queer masculinity. We're going to take on the internalized mask of "Masc. only." Up for a challenge? Wanna take it to the stage? Wanna let out your inner performer? Still singing as you soap-up to "Dancing Queen" in the shower? Give us a call.
Also, we're doing a 'Bears in the Bush' tour in North Island to see what our gay/bi/questioning brethren are doing/not doing in the woods. Partnering with UVIC's anthropologist and researcher, Eric Roth, we're looking for info from rural guys to find out, "What's it like to be a guy into guys where you live? What is it about smaller town living that turns you on and off? What ya' need and want?" Perhaps we'll even have our star power performance troupe come your way -discreetly of course -unless you're interested in making a queer splash in your local pub. Stay tuned!
Got an idea? Make it happen. Need help? Ask. We'll pump you up and get your message OUT!
That said, we're looking for Community Opinion Leaders to come in and sound off. Let's stir-the-pot and see what kind of actions our Rainbow Islands need. Call. Let's do coffee. Let's scheme

PS: Anyone else heard about the so-called Gay Mafia? If so, cough up, --please. Curious minds are nervously awaiting the hard-fact info....

Next Edition:

Our Great Gay Ancestors. Who were the men who mentored you in all things queer? Many of you would rightfully say, "Screw QUEER! That's what they called me when they kicked me to the ground!" Are you willing to tell us what it was like, back when? How did you navigate a world that said who you were was dead wrong? Who were the gentle-men who gave you that helping hand when you needed it most? Or conversely, how did you cope when there was no one there?"

Send your ideas to mwp@avi.org

Announcements

Dining Out For Life is March 29, across Vancouver Island!

On Thursday March 29th, thousands of islanders will fill their plates to fight AIDS. Over 65 generous restaurants from across Vancouver Island and the Gulf Islands will donate 25% of your food bill to AIDS Vancouver Island. All diners will have the opportunity to win a cruise for two courtesy of Expedia CruiseShipCenters (Vancouver Island) and Azamara Club Cruises.

Stella Artois will donate $1 from every sale of their beer in Dining Out For Life participating restaurants on March 29th. Dine Out to Fight AIDS! Help us fill restaurants by choosing a great place and inviting your friends, co-workers and/or families to join you!

In Victoria, the GLBTQ hot spot, the Ledge Lounge is participating! For a complete list of participating restaurants, please visit:

www.DiningOutForLife.com/vancouverisland

Spring Cleaning!

Spring is coming! Time to clean out those closets and cupboards and shelves. Out of the Closet renew boutique, your local queer thrift boutique needs your donations now!

Don't be picky; just bring us everything that is cluttering up your life. We may have room for small furniture items but call first and talk to Dawn. If we can't use it we know who can and we can get it to them. Your donations keep us going.

Homophobia is not dead. We still experience it here on a regular basis. Our community needs a permanent proud public space for us and our allies to be ourselves and be appreciated for who we are. Your donations mean a lot to many marginalized people in our community.

Call 250-590-2719 or just bring in your donations Monday to Saturday from 10am-5pm. Ask for your discount coupon when you bring in donations. You can use it yourself or give it to someone who can.

Thanks for reading! If you have any suggestions for content for Men's Briefs or would like more information about the Men's Wellness Program, please email mwp@avi.org