A Centered Holiday Season
Chuck Hannaford, Ph.D. and Elisabeth Maynard, MAMFT
From Thanksgiving to the first of January is a time in American culture filled with family gatherings and good cheer. For most people the holidays can be a truly joyous time; but it
can be quite the opposite for others. During a season that brings hope, joy, and the greatest
gift of love in Jesus, we can still be left stressed and worn out. Unfortunately, for many people,
it can be a time of negative self-evaluation, loneliness, regretful reflection on the past, and anxiety about an uncertain future. For others, a recent tragedy, or the anniversary of a past trauma, can bring unwelcome sadness. Our focus during the holiday season has a large
impact on the type of experience we have during this time. In many cases, we are
unbalanced because we have the wrong focus, which creates unrealistic expectations
resulting in stress.
Let's ask an important question: Does my relationship with
Christ direct me during my activities during the holiday season
-or- Do the activities of the holiday season direct me away from Christ?
A Disconnected Focus
There are several factors that can cause our focus to shift during the holidays. Some of
these are stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, over-commercialization, financial constraints,
and the inability to be with one's family and friends. These factors, if we are not careful, may also
lead into the development of holiday depression. Consider the following implications...
Here are some things that can make us blue during the holidays:
FAMILY
The holidays almost always include family gatherings. These events may trigger feelings of tension and frustration. Here are a few things that may help get you back on track.
· Take some time and spend a few moments checking in with yourself. If you are
struggling with unwanted issues, pray and ask the Lord to help you focus on the
"real" reason for the holidays.
· Set reasonable expectations about who you are going to visit and when.
Remember Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring
of life." (NIV)
· If loved ones are absent during the holidays, if relationships are broken, or there
have been other types of tragedies, do not pretend that they do not exist. Denial
takes more energy than talking openly about these issues.
Whenever possible, emphasize the positive aspects of a relationship that has
been lost, or allow yourself to put more energy into existing relationships.
PHYSICAL DEMANDS
The physical demands of shopping, attending various parties, family reunions, and/or
hosting house guests may also contribute to feelings of tension. Remind yourself that the holidays are not just about one day, but rather about being a season of joy, giving, and
time with loved ones. Set reasonable limits regarding the purchase of gifts. Also,
Christmas letters are a good idea and allow for personalized thoughts and prayers. 
NUTRITION
Nutrition also plays a role in holiday depression, as nutritionists contribute depression to eating excessive unhealthy foods during the holiday season. Fatty foods, in the form of cheeses, processed meats and sweets, as well as simple carbohydrates, abound during this season. Because the holidays
are a time in which outdoor activity can be limited because of cold and darkness, try to
manage your caloric intake. Target your favorite foods and allow yourself to indulge ... but
with limitations. Consider keeping relatively low calorie munchies around the house. Also,
work out a schedule for some type of meaningful exercise - even if it's just walking. If you
bundle up enough, you will find the activity pleasant and enjoyable.
POST HOLIDAYS
Holiday depression does not just include the period of time between Thanksgiving and the
first of January. The "holiday blues" extend even after the holidays are over, as even more people experience post-holiday let down after the first of January. This can result from additional disappointments and unmet expectations during the preceding months
compounded with excess fatigue and stress. Also, people may look past their depression during the holiday because it is such a "festive" time. However, after the holidays, people are left to deal with those feelings and more.
Reconnecting Our Focus
Reconnecting our focus and coping with holiday depression is contingent upon being self-aware and realistic, while preparing for any triggers, tension, or feelings ahead of time. Also, it includes being honest with ourselves and knowing the motivation of our hearts.
First, seek to OFFER comfort, not receive it. Seeking personal comfort may damage our relationship with Christ: Often we cling to peace and comfort, even at the cost of our walk
with God. We fear how others may perceive us and this becomes our key motivator. We should fear God who controls eternal, not merely temporal, circumstances. We cannot have peace and allow fear of a person's reaction or group keep us from as primary focus on Jesus.
We should be OFFERING comfort.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the
Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts
us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
(2 Corinthians 1:3-4, niv)
Secondly, seek to GIVE to others as an act of worship. Be aware of the temptation to give
out of guilt, which is to feel good about oneself or to "earn" a sense of goodness. Also, be aware of giving to receive approval from others or so that no one is mad at you. Finally, be aware of feeling a sense of abandonment around your giving, for example, not getting your expected response from someone and then feeling empty and abandoned. Gifts must be accompanied by a right attitude. The Magi brought gifts and worshiped Jesus for who
He was. This is the essence of true worship-honoring Christ for who he is and being willing
to give him what is valuable to you. Worship God because he is the perfect, just, and almighty Creator of the universe, worthy of the best you have to give.
"On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh."(Matthew 2:11, niv)
Thirdly, seek CELEBRATION not self-realization. Many of us spend too much of our energy
this time of year figuring out where we went wrong, or what we need to do different. This is a
time for Christ-Awareness, not Self-Awareness. We have one of the greatest opportunities
to witness and bring others into the Kingdom during the holidays. Perhaps we would have
more joy if we shared Jesus' love for the lost and helped someone receive the gift of eternal life.
"In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God
over one sinner who repents" (Luke 15:10, niv)
Centering Our Focus
It is important to remember the spirit of the holidays. Let us remember "Who" and "What"
we are celebrating and not "How" we celebrate. Our three major holidays involve very
special messages that are powerful sources of strength and focus during this season.
Thanksgiving celebrates the bounty that surrounds us; people coming together to feast and reflect upon a year's harvest of labors. However great or small, there are things to be celebrated.
"Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving." Psalm 147:7 (ESV), "Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in everything."
1 Thessalonians 5:18 (ESV).
Christmas is the season of profound love. The importance of freely giving to others and bringing joy to the world are central to our spiritual meanings in life, as God has given us
his 
perfect and holy Son. God gave us the greatest gift of all - He came in the flesh as
Jesus - Our King and Redeemer.
"And the angel said to them, 'Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord...Glory
to God in the highest and on earth peace among those with whom
he is pleased" Luke 2:10,11, 14 (ESV).
New Year's is a time of new beginnings. It is a time to build on the wisdom learned over the
past year, and to rededicate our focus and our love to another year of serving God. New
Year's is a reminder that with every ending, there is a new beginning, and that in Christ we
are new
creations.
"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26 (ESV).
