"I'm really, really busy."

 

How many times a week do you have or hear a conversation that starts this way?  I'm embarrassed to say I respond like that all the time.  Even if it's true that I'm busy (and it is), it's not a very interesting answer.  Actually, it's somewhat boring.

 

As one of the nonprofit executives in Courage to Lead mentioned to me recently, it seems like many of us hold busy-ness as a badge of honor.  But to be honest, my frantic pace is not something I'm proud of.  It's something I'm working to get under control.

 

The leaders I look up to most are not swamped with busy-ness.  They are more grounded than that.  They know what they stand for and are good at attracting others around them who resonate with those values.  And they've found an approach to caring for themselves  that sustains them in work they are passionate about.

 

When I think about my own tendency towards busy-ness, I know some of it has to do with my passion to make a difference in the world.  But there are also less admirable instincts at work - like being a bit of a control freak who has trouble delegating.  And sometimes my prioritization is all wrong, leading me to spend time on things that in hindsight turn out not to be very important.

 

So there are downsides to living and working this way.  But it turns out that the frenzied and unbalanced way many of us live and work affects much more than just us.  It may be getting in the way of recruiting the next generation of nonprofit executive leaders.

 

In 2008, Compasspoint published a study called Ready to Lead that made an impression on many of us who care about developing future nonprofit leaders.  After interviewing thousands of emerging leaders in the nonprofit sector, the study concluded that so many talented up-and-comers in our agencies have seen the way nonprofit executives live and work - and they don't want the job!  Here are a couple quotes from the focus group participants:

 

When I came on, I thought - 'Look at all the great things my CEO is doing. This is exactly what I want to be.'  Then, I see that she's there from 6:00 a.m. to 12:00 midnight.  She works outrageous hours - she never sees her husband. There are definitely things that you give up.

 

and

 

As I get older and I realize so much of my life has always been, 'I'll sacrifice this because I'm committed to this issue.'  And approaching my 40s, I think I've done as much sacrificing as I can do and there comes a point where you want to experience your life as well as be committed.

 

Could it be that these emerging nonprofit leaders don't want to answer "I'm so busy" every time someone asks them how they are doing?  That they don't want to sacrifice so much of makes life rich in order to do good in the world?  That they don't want to subject themselves to the kind of violence that Trappist monk Thomas Merton wrote about in Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander?

  

There is a pervasive form of modern violence to which the idealist....most easily succumbs: activism and over-work....The frenzy of the activist....destroys the fruitfulness of his/her own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.

 

When I first read Merton's quotation, it stopped me in my tracks.  I could quibble with his characterization of the way I live my life as "violence," but I couldn't easily dismiss his point about wisdom.  In my experience, the faster and more frantic I function, the less grounded and thoughtful and inspired I am - as a leader, as a parent, and as a husband.  As Merton writes, I am less in touch with the root of my inner wisdom.

 

I've been talking to quite a few Executive Directors lately about Courage to Lead, and the most frequent response I hear from someone who can't participate is "I'm so busy."  One woman recently bragged to me that everyone at her agency is a workaholic.

 

When it comes to speed, the Courage to Lead program is counter-cultural.  We provide nurturing space to support leaders in slowing down and cultivating qualities like wisdom, clarity, courage and compassion - the same qualities that are exhibited by leaders I admire.  When you think of all the recent failures of leadership in our society, don't you think we could use more of these attributes in those who run our institutions?

 

I don't know the answer to this "busy-ness" culture we live in.  But for my part, I invite you to do this - if you ask me how I am, and I respond by telling you how incredibly busy I am, I invite you to pinch me - hard.  And feel free to tell me "If you want to live that way, that's your choice.  But don't brag about it!"  I may not thank you at that moment, but it will be exactly what I need to hear.

 

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Ken Saxon has facilitated groups for 20 years. He founded the Courage to Lead program for California nonprofit leaders in 2008.  Ken is a graduate of Stanford's Graduate School of Business and Princeton University.  He serves on a number of nonprofit boards, including the Eleos Foundation, the Orfalea Fund, and Santa Barbara Middle School.