By the Rev. Stephen DeGweck
 
This month our journey towards greater spiritual wellness leads us to that "troublesome" petition in the Lord's Prayer. "Forgive us our sins, as we forgive everyone who sins against us." I say troublesome because it's comparatively easy to praise God's name, thank him for our daily provision, ask his protection from temptation and danger, and generally pray for his divine will to be done throughout a broken and troubled world. There isn't anything in the Lord's Prayer that's tough to pray for. That is, except this one little thing, this forgiveness thing. And then again, it's only the second part that's tough. Forgive us our sins. That's easy. Who doesn't want to be forgiven? Especially if you're like me and regularly have loads of stuff to be forgiven for! That's not the problem. The problem comes in the second part of that sentence, doesn't it? Forgive us our sins, as in like manner we forgive everyone who sins against us. Forgive me just as I forgive all those who wrong me. How would you like God to forgive you to just the same extent as you are willing to forgive others? Feel the temperature rising a bit? Now don't get too nervous. Your forgiveness from God depends upon your sincere confession, not the perfection by which you forgive all those who have done you wrong. You're an imperfect sinner, as I am, and we will never be anything else. God's forgiveness is not dependent upon our always forgiving everyone else perfectly. If it were, no one would ever be forgiven anything! It simply means that as God graciously forgives us when we ask him, so we should sincerely seek to do the same to all those around us. What it amounts to is that we cannot be deliberately hard-hearted and tight-fisted in the offering of our own forgiveness and still expect God to forgive us, any more than we can claim to love God while hating our neighbor. To do so is to live falsely or hypocritically. But the question remains: is there anything as hard as sincere forgiveness?
 
The world says forgiveness is for wimps. What's the saying? "Don't get mad, get even." I think it's called sweet revenge.  Yet forgiveness isn't meant to be wimpy. It's meant to break a cycle, a cycle that simply escalates further and further. Somewhere, somehow, we need to learn how to break that cycle of hurt and revenge. We need to learn to forgive.  Forgiveness is serious business. If anyone has ever done you a serious wrong, you know how serious forgiveness is. There's a heartbreaking scene in one of my favorite movies, FORREST GUMP. One of the central characters, Jenny, returns to her old home after her father has died. The old farm house is dilapidated and abandoned. As she reflects on the sexual abuse that she endured in that house as a child, she is overcome by rage and begins throwing rocks at the house. The photography is powerful as it shows her rapidly reaching for rocks then violently throwing them at the house. Jenny finally falls to the ground, sobbing and exhausted. The scene closes with Forrest Gump philosophically saying, "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks." 
 
There are never enough rocks. If deep in your heart there is a hidden place where there is so much resentment toward another human being that you almost wish them dead, there are never enough rocks. If someone has abused you, lied about you, cheated, betrayed or deserted you, you have a right to your feelings. No one is suggesting you can just wave or pray them away. The trouble is that, the more the rocks dominate our thoughts, the worse life gets--for us! Forgiveness is essential to our mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health. We need to learn to forgive.

How do we forgive? How do we let go of our hurts and resentments?  I know only one way: we begin by acknowledging that we ourselves have been forgiven. Somehow when we acknowledge our own sinfulness and receive God's grace, we find it a little easier to forgive those who have wronged us. The writer of Hebrews tells us that the Lord Jesus Christ, who is our great high priest, has made an offering in our behalf. It is an offering that makes it possible once and forevermore for our sins to be taken from us.  All our misdeeds, all the times we hurt someone who loved and trusted us, all the times our lives have been shoddy and disappointing, all the times we have been less than God created us to be, all those sins have been buried in the bottom of the deepest sea by the one sacrifice that Christ made in our behalf. When we realize the weight of our own sins and that Christ has removed those sins from us, then out of gratitude and praise, we are ought to be able to be a bit more charitable with others.
 
Forgiveness is tough. It rarely comes easy. You usually don't feel like forgiving those you need to forgive. But that's the whole point. You generally don't feel like having a tooth extracted either, but it sure fixes the problem, doesn't it? Christian forgiveness, like Christian love, is a choice, not a feeling. Only when you and I have had an encounter with divine forgiveness, can we understand and begin to practice the very human kind of forgiveness which we absolutely cannot live without.
 
Dennis Maynard in his book Forgive and Get Your Life Back, offers seven steps to forgiveness, a step by step journey from pain to healing. 
 
Step One: Choose to forgive. It's a choice, not a feeling. It rarely makes perfect sense at the time, and if we wait until it seems the fair thing to do, we'll probably never do it. We do it in obedience to Christ, Christ who loves and forgives us, and knows that if we don't do it, we'll never heal.
 
Step Two: Don't cry alone. You've been hurt. You need a sympathetic ear. You need the support of others who have been hurt in their own ways. Forgiveness is a solitary choice, but it's a process you need to share with someone.
 
Step Three: Do Get Angry. That sounds funny, but it's true. They say, "Don't get angry, get even. In fact the opposite is the best advice. Don't get even, get angry. When another person steps on our hearts, we need to let them know it. If we don't process our anger by talking about it, we'll swallow it. Next stop, the doctor's office, or the liquor cabinet.
 
Step Four: Bury the Past. You've heard "forgive and forget" but we're not wired that way. We're wired to learn from the past. However, we can leave the past in the past. Don't dwell on your hurt. When you've forgiven someone and moved on, don't ever throw the sins of the past in that person's face again. 
 
Step Five: Choose to reconcile. This is not always possible because we cannot control the willingness of another who has hurt us to own up to what they've done, express sorrow, and seek our forgiveness. You can forgive someone without reconciling with them, if that's the best you can do.
 

Step Six: Restoration. Restoration means that we completely bring the person back into our lives without reservation or condition. It means the person assumes their former position in our lives with complete trust. It must be done with great caution and discernment. It may not be possible at all. We should not put ourselves in a position where the abuse is likely to be repeated. Christ calls us to be servants, not doormats.  Restoring trust is like trying to repair broken crystal--not impossible, but very difficult. But if it can be done, then healing has been taken to its most complete.
 
Step Seven: Nurture a forgiving heart. This is a spiritual process. God will help you do it, but you must ask him, and you must cooperate. Like all spiritual disciplines, or any disciplines period, it will not simply show up at your door some morning. You must want it, and seek it, and practice it. Talk to your priest. Talk to God. You can do it!  
 
I don't know what kind of hurts you may be carrying, but I do know that nursing grudges and harboring resentments will ultimately bring you only grief.  Resentments are like stones we carry in a bag slung over our shoulders. If we do not learn to release them, we will face our old age with a burden which weighs us down and crushes us. If we bear grudges to everyone who has wronged us, we will come to our ends lonely, isolated, and bitter, the saddest of all God's creatures. Forgiveness is both human and divine. Christ's death on the cross has released us from the burden of our sins.  They can be put away and forgotten. The question is: will you let that grace begin to release you from the burden of your own grievances as well? By God's grace, begin to practice forgiveness today.