In the Affirmative Newsletter by Erika Oliver

Is it time to Rebalance?                
March 2011
Good Morning!     
 
I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to cancel two appointments last week, especially because it had been a challenge to get them scheduled. But, I had to. Not because of an illness, or family emergency or even a great and golden opportunity but because my balance was off.
 
My physical balance is really good. You should see me hold tree pose - standing on one foot with arms overhead - in yoga. It's the "other" balance that is off. Have you ever looked at your schedule and wondered "where is the time to breathe?" or "what am I doing?" Out of balance. It's so easy to get caught up in doing all the right stuff with and for family, friends and the job. It's also so easy to get caught up in drama, be it our own and other's.
 
A woman shared with me that her daughter suffered a very serious illness and was technically recovered but struggling to find her new "normal". The mother had made her daughter's problems her own and;lost her balance. In another situation, someone who had many travel opportunities recently said what started out as fun turned into an imbalance. For me, I was saying "yes" to everyone except me and had lost sight of what I am wanting.
 
When you drive with unbalanced tires you are forced to compensate for the shimmy and vibration by making other adjustments. If you don't rebalance you not only have bad tires but other parts become stressed and damaged. Your vehicle becomes inefficient and costs you more in gas, repairs, and parts.
 
The same is true for the human vehicle. When we continue in life without rebalancing our parts become stressed and damaged! It starts off with the best intentions - stay a little late at work to help with a project, support  someone in need or add something to our lives without taking something else out. Then it's one more thing and one more thing and then something unexpected and we begin to feel the shimmy of imbalance.  
 
At first, adjustments are made to compensate for being off kilter. Maybe we sleep less, skip physical activity, eat quick meals, and eliminate recreation. The imbalance gets worse and the negative stress causes our backs, heads, and muscles to hurt. We forget things and find it very difficult to have a creative thought. And, since most of us run with no energy reserves, we find ourselves short tempered, feeling less happy, and losing touch with our purpose.Still we compensate without taking the time to rebalance until one of our body parts falls off!
 
If you are feeling "off" in any way, take yourself in for service. Take the time to regroup, refuel, and renew. You are needed and loved and the time you take - one day, one month, one year - will be worth it for yourself and all of us who count on and love you. If you are in good balance, take a moment to rotate your tires and keep the alignment in the best position and consider helping someone else with their adjustment.
 
Below I'll share how to audit your "to-do" list for balance and share ways that I rebalance and rotate. Spring is the perfect time to make renewing choices - we can have anything we want, but we can't have everything ...at least not all at the same time!
 
Wishing you perfect balance.
 
Erika :)

P.S. If you are thinking "this is nice, but I can't rebalance", please remember that happiness is not a luxury but a necessity. When we are stressed our brain's ability to think, solve problems and be present are wiped out. Being in "your happy place" is a requirement for navigating this complicated - but also awesome - life.
to do listTo-do or To-NOT-do list ? 
3-step Happiness Audit 
 
Make a list of everything you have to do today. Now, cross them all off. The truth is you don't have to do anything.' Yes, I do!" you say."I have to go to work, feed the dog, get my tires balanced and pick up the kids." No you don't. 
 
What if you don't do the things on your list? Will you get fired, will the dog expire, will the car break down, will the kids be left at school all night? Maybe. But, that doesn't change the fact that you don't have to do anything. It just means that you want to do things because you want the outcome they will bring or you don't want the outcome that will happen if you don't do them.
 
When we look at the long to-do list it can be difficult to determine what we really want to do and what doesn't need to be done at all. Most people's lists contain "don't need to deal with this" items masquerading as "must do's". When you look at your list - and your lists of the past weeks or month - how do you feel? Do you feel imbalanced? Then some of the stuff - or all of the stuff - needs to be transferred to a "do not do" list.  How do you audit your list to rebalance and find more happiness? Glad you asked! Here are 3 steps to rebalancing your schedule.
 
3 steps happiness audit for your schedule:
 
  1. Cross off two things. What are the first two that come to your mind. Whatever they are, you don't want to do them. If they are must dos -like picking up the kids - look for a way to delegate.
  2. Close your eyes and visualize - one at a time - each item on your list. How does your body respond? If it is calm or feels energized, this is a "to-do" item. If your shoulders scrunch up, stomach tightens, or brows furrow then it's a "to-don't" item.
  3. Schedule empty space - there should be space in the morning, between appointments, and after work several nights, and lots on the weekend. The ideal weekend is actually  two blank calendar pages. Unscheduled time is necessary for surprises, last minute opportunities, and rest. Pause between things and you will be more productive, creative and happy.
 
The truth is you don't have to go anywhere or do anything. But, if you choose to do things and go places that make sense for you and align you with your values, you will be more heathy, happy and complete.
Good News!
"Three Good Things: Creating Miracles in Fund Development" 
is the cover article in this month's Nonprofit World magazine -
 
 

 
St. Clair County Community College (SC4) made up Happy Crap and became Chief Happiness Officers! Thank you for the warm welcome on a cold and snowy day!
 
Bay County Commission on Aging hosted "A Chat with Erika" at the
Riverside Friendship Senior Center . Thank you for making up Happy Crap with me, making me laugh, and showering me with joy!
 
Wings Stadium (home of the Kalamazoo Wings hockey team) - became Happiness Super Heros! Thank you for sharing your super powers with me!
 
Bay Regional Medical Center staff and leadership attended Happy Camp and became Chief Happiness Officers! I LOVED playing and learning with you! 
 
Happy Crap book signing at Horizon Books in Traverse City on Sunday, April 10 from 2:00 to 4:00. Check Horizon Books website in April for more details and please invite your friends to join me!
 
Erika's books are available at Kazoo Books (both locations),
Chocolatea and Erika's website!
Three Good Things about my birthday month 
 (big day is 3/27)
  1. PB&J
    toast
    every day
  2. Discount coupons from stores, restarants and coffee shops
  3. "It's my b-day month" gets me out of chores and I get to pick the movies!

Happy Crap video! 

Happy Crap cover 
Rebalancing Tips!Balanced car Regroup, Refuel, Renew
 
So how do we do it? How do stop or pause for a rebalance ? Try any or all of these suggestions for a tune up.
 
  • Take a breath so deep you feel your ribs expand - it might even hurt a little. In stress we shallow breath and cut the supply of O2 to our brains - that's why we sometimes make bad choices!
  • Throw 3 things out in your office. Throw 3 things things out at home. When we decrease physical clutter it opens the door to release the mental clutter.
  • Stop. Don't do the next thing you were planning to do. I double dog dare you to cancel, reschedule, or not show up. Just DON"T do it! Reestablish your power as ruler of your universe with divine control over your actions and choices.
  • Tell yourself "yes!" When someone asks us to do something we usually say "yes" but when we have an idea of something we want to do for ourselves we often make excuses about why we shouldn't. Tell someone else "no" and tell yourself "yes".
  • Ask yourself "what am I wanting right now?" Then sit down and wait for the answer. If you are quiet, you will hear the truth about what you want and need. The next step will be to honor the answer with action.
  • Assign personal values to each item on your "to do" list. If, for example, your values are family, learning, children, love and health - look at your list and write the value next to the item. If you can not assign a personal value, why is the item on your list?
  • Take a retreat. Go to a day spa, retreat center, plan a day with a friend or just stay in bed with a pile of magazines - just take a real break. That used to be what weekends were for but many people only pack in more on Saturday and Sunday with no time for refueling.
 
Regrouping, refueling, and renewing sometimes is just a rotation but other times one or all of the tires needs to be replaced. You may have to take yourself to "the shop" several times by repeating one or more of the suggestions to get your whole self in prime condition. I do some things regularly to keep my balance from becoming severely tipped and I can quickly tell if I have strayed from my formula for happiness.
 
Erika's daily staying-in-balance formula:
 
  • Run, walk, bike or lift weights 3-5 times a week
  • Yoga 1-2 times each week
  • Quiet time in the morning - just me, something I like to read, coffee and PB&J toast
  • Really good shower gel
  • Regular phone calls and texts with friends
  • Joking, playing, watching movies with my husband and sons
  • Theatre, musical performances, and seeing art at least once a month
  • Massage once a month
  • My favorite foods: PB&J, my friend's coffee, steamed veggies, vanilla yogurt, Mark's chicken
  • Texting my kids and my friends
  • Playing outside - I need fresh outside air every day
  •  
    I also do things, such as taking vacations, less regularly but without fail. I would love to hear how you keep in balance or ideas you come up with to regroup, refuel and renew! You can email me at [email protected].
    Dog or Cat Dairy? 
     
    Mark and I heard a speaker read an excerpt from a dog's diary and then from a cat's diary. Faced with each portion of the day - meal time, a car ride, a walk, kids coming home from school - the dog made a diary note "Oh boy! My favorite!"
     
    The cat, on the other hand, was suspicious of every thing that happened and every move the humans made. The cats days - unlike the dog - were not spent in joy but in trying to escape from the torture of life. 
     
    Am I in torture or joy? Crap happens and will always happen but we get to be here to witness it! Oh boy! My favorite! The day after hearing the talk, something didn't work and Mark exclaimed "Oh boy! My favorite!" What a great reminder that today is the best day ever whether you are a cat, a dog, a human or something else.
     
    Here's a link to the Cat and Dog Diaries for your enjoyment! 
     
    I wish you only your favorites!
     
    Erika :) 
     


    E-mail Erika       (269) 760-6325       Visit Erika's website