Ok, we deserve to feel good about ourselves. We even need to feel good about ourselves. That isn't the issue. The issue is the means we use to feel good about ourselves. How we work out our own salvation in life. Clearly, to lead one's life in a mature manner requires the ability to self-regulate, the ability to "self-soothe."

 

As a young parish pastor I was often surprised by how nice people acted on the outside and how treacherous they could be on the inside. After one tense church meeting which included a crucial vote of the congregation, I was impressed by one gentleman who had the courage to stand up and say what he thought. I visited with him after the meeting and expressed my admiration for his actions. I asked him, "What enables you to do this so easily?" I will never forget his answer. He said that he had been in the special forces serving in Viet Nam. "I stop and think about what is the worst anyone could do to me for speaking up." He said, "The worst that someone could do to me is kill me. And," he added, "I'm not afraid to die." Here was someone who clearly had learned the secret to mature, courageous leadership.

 

Stories are told about the Lakota warrior who would arise in the morning, face the rising sun and sing a death song, saying, "It's a good day to die." The Hopi tribe have a belief that death, like a bird, always sits on your left shoulder. If you are lucky it will sing in your ear and remind you of your mortality. You are considered cursed if the bird stops singing or flies away and leaves you. Other tribes practice what is called a death walk which divines the will of the spirits for one's life.

 

How do you self-regulate as a mature person? How do you self-soothe? As extreme and dramatic as it seems, I can't think of beginning at a better place than dealing with your own death, your own mortality. As a good friend of mine says, "Life is not a dress rehearsal and all tickets are one way."

 

How do you learn to self-soothe? Stress reduction? Rhythmic breathing? Yoga? These aren't bad. But I can't think of anything more powerful than getting comfortable with one's own death. Of course, no one can tell you how to do this in your own life. Only you can answer that. All I know is that when you gain this perspective, you gain power. Power to lead and more importantly, power with yourself. It's a good day to live!