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Stop, Drop and Roll
"Don't just do something, stand there!"
No one seems to know where the above quote comes from. It is attributed to everyone from Ronald Reagan to Jesus. Maybe it is because no one wants to take credit for having said it. Indeed in our microwave, "git-r-done" culture, it is not likely to get you elected president.
In a time of 90-day ROI and 6-month plans, it seems suicidal to be talking about anything long term. Yet, that is exactly how greatness is achieved. You can dig a thousand holes each one foot deep. Or you can dig one hole a thousand feet deep. Only one will give you water.
The theme of this month's newsletter is the need to slow down and be intentional about our thinking rather than frantic and reactive. Under pressure, our instincts tell us to act. Often the most important thing to do first in such circumstances is nothing.
Times of stillness give the appearance that nothing is happening. Then the opportunity presents itself, and the world changes in the blink of an eye. It happens because you were present, you were prepared, you were awake and you were ready to act.
Every first grader knows what to do if you should find yourself on fire. You "stop, drop, and roll." There is a reason they teach you first of all to stop.
Howard Hansen & Steve Geske
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A Long Obedience in the Same Direction
 "The essential thing 'in heaven and earth' is, apparently, that there should be long obedience in the same direction; there thereby results, and has always resulted in the long run, something which has made life worth living."
Nietzsche
In looking at the three core strategies of the Emotional Process Leadership Model, Self Aware, Self Care and Self Dare, I observe that there is much about them that is counter-intuitive. They run contrary to our first instincts. Instead of focusing on changing oneself and one's role in emotional triangles (Self Aware), we want to focus on how to change another. Instead of seeing to our own "ok-ness" (Self Care), we want to rescue others. Instead of self defining in the midst of sabotage (Self Dare), we want to capitulate and "win friends" as a way of influencing others.
The natural gravity of any situation is going to pull us in the direction of our instincts (automatic pilot) rather than toward intentional and thoughtful behavior. The three core strategies provide a focus in these times. Applying them will become more familiar over time, but they will never feel natural. They aren't concepts that are comprehended or accomplished in a single effort or event. It is not like learning that 2 + 2 = 4. Intentionally and diligently applied, these strategies become disciplines growing more effective over time. Like any discipline, a community and a coach can help. This is the value and the wisdom of our mission at HealingLeaders.
Steve Geske |
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Challenging the Toxic Environment
 "But no leader can afford to be controlled by negative emotions, such as frustration and rage or anxiety or panic."
Daniel Goleman
Once, while walking through a hotel reception area, I overheard a loud voice speaking into a nearby pay phone. I had to stop and listen. I couldn't help myself. It was fairly early in the morning and I was making my way to a conference in the hotel's meeting area. The man on the phone was shouting at whomever was on the other end. As I listened, I discerned that the man - who was dressed as if he were on vacation - was yelling at an employee, probably someplace far away from the resort location where he and I were standing. As I eavesdropped, I became aware of the quickening of my heart rate and respiration. What could someone in this person's company have done to deserve such profane anger? I examined my growing anxiety in the moment. I concluded I wasn't afraid of being caught by this guy as I eavesdropped. Rather, I had tensed with fear as the release of the man's violent language infused the space we shared. My own fight or flight reaction kicked in. Unlike the recipient of the boss' anger, I was an unknown observer. The employee had the option of hanging up the phone. It would have exacted a high price such as the loss of employment, but would perhaps have been the most courageous behavior. I, on the other hand, had a simple option. I got out of there by simply walking away.
I have thought about that experience often. Usually I returned to a single question, "What was it like to be on the other end of the phone?" Remember that time in your life when an authority figure, a parent or boss came towards you saying, "I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!"?
So, what do you do when an emotionally hijacked boss or colleague "goes off" on you?
· Look at the Emotional Process Leadership Model. Pay particular attention to the EPLM map.http://healingleaders.com/eplmmap.aspx
· Identify your place on the map. Take your time. Slow down.
o Self-aware: You recognize the emotional fight or flight responses the anger event is triggering in you.
o Self-care: You pay attention only to your awareness of your own responses and practice on-the-spot meditative disconnection from the moment of anger.
o Self-dare: You express your decision to depart the anger engagement demanded of you. Yes, this could even mean hanging up! Or, simply and quietly saying, "I'm available to talk with you about this when your anger has subsided to a point where you can talk calmly about this matter."
You're looking for ways to insulate yourself from the emotional process driving the behaviors.
Walk away both literally and figuratively towards your health, sanity and self care.
Howard Hansen |
