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What the...?
"Teach us to care; and not to care."
T.S Elliot
By now most of you have been warned that these newsletters convey anything but conventional wisdom regarding the principal challenges of modern leadership.
We at HealingLeaders observe many aspects that are counter-intuitive and unconventional. Leadership is essentially a process which must negotiate the basic emotionality governing human perceptions, thoughts and actions. An effective leader will want to gain awareness of and make use of these non-rational dynamics comprising the foundation of every leadership challenge. Since we are used to approaching leadership as a purely rational process, discovering these non-rational dynamics will surprise us and challenge us; leading to that all too familiar response - "What the...?"
Howard Hansen & Steve Geske
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Under-functioning for Fun and Profit!
 "By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day."
Robert Frost
Does your idea of leadership involve working harder than everyone else? Does it mean being the one who cares the most about the success of your organization? Do you find yourself constantly doing more and those around you doing less? Do you find yourself disappointed by the performance of others and frustrated at their lack of concern? If you answered "yes" to any of the questions above, you may be guilty of "Leadership OFS," (over-functioning syndrome).
This month's white paper elaborates on the Self Aware element of our Emotional Process Leadership Model™. It introduces the concept of emotional triangles. One of the rules of emotional triangles is that relationships are "buckets" of anxiety. A third person or entity is always brought in to a relationship to manage the anxiety between the original two. Anxiety, like a hot potato is tossed to the third person and the original relationship is stabilized. As long as the third person will hold it, the other two are happy. Tossing the hot potato to one of the original two will destabilize the original relationship and they will attempt to toss it back.
Anxiety is one of the main motivators in life. Most of us will not watch what we eat until we become anxious about the health consequences of our poor choices. We need a certain anxiety to get things done. What happens when the leader of a family, company or an organization comes in and takes the hot potato of systemic anxiety and holds on to it? You guessed it, this leaves others without the very thing they need for their own motivation. Taking the hot potato of anxiety can take many forms in a leader. It can manifest as overworking and taking on more and more responsibility. It can show up as being overly anxious about the success of team goals or an individual's performance. Whatever the form, the leader begins to over-function.
What do you suppose happens to the motivation and behaviors of those around leaders when they begin to over-function? You guessed it; they lose their motivation and begin to do less. This often causes the leader to get more anxious and begin to over-function all the more. A vicious cycle ensues that results in exhausted leaders and lukewarm members with atrophied talents and skills.
How do you reverse this pattern that is all too common today? Read this month's white paper for the answer. I'll give you a hint - It is NOT about getting a better pair of oven mitts!
Steve Geske
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Emotionality vs. Rationality
Are your meetings being hijacked?
Not long ago, I was leading a day long workshop with business owners. Their development lay somewhere between pure entrepreneurialism (these leaders had built their companies from scratch) and mature management. We were working on how to install what for most would be their first every strategic planning model. The tension in the room grew as we worked. I observed growing resistance to the learning process. While some in the room remained dedicated to the hard learning, others began to pull away from the discipline. Their efforts to sabotage the progress in the room became obvious. They worked to kill learning momentum in response to their own fears brought on by realizing how far behind their companies had fallen. They expressed these anxieties by interrupting the learning, changing the subject and arguing each premise and methodology. Their questions took hypothetical form "What if this..?...What if that..?.." they asked. The freak-out factor was at level red.
These moments happen in many meetings.
When you are faced with forms of agenda sabotage, what should you do?
First, identify whether sabotage is actually occurring:
1. Are the questions you're hearing interrupting the flow of the learning dialogue?
2. Are the questions purely hypothetical and not connected to real experiences?
3. Is the questioner's voice tone argumentative, belligerent and combative?
If you answered "yes" to these questions, an attempted agenda hijacking is underway. It's being driven by emotional anxiety, not by a rational legitimate attempt to improve the agenda.
What do you do?
You neutralize the behavior and disrupt the hijacking by:
1. Listening with engaged dispassion.
2. Focusing your replies back to the rational topic.
3. Suggesting the hijacker frame his/her questions with real world examples. Make this suggestion only once.
4. Invite, through your silence, others in the room -those who are there to learn - to neutralize the hijacker with their own questions. You'll be amazed at how much power there is in this.
Follow these steps and you will discover the impact of the saboteur will gradually diminish.
Your job is to spend your time with the motivated people in the room!
Howard Hansen |
