Mother Teresa once said, "To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in."
Here at Mary's Hope, we strive
to hold the lamp of hope for survivors of profound childhood abuses.
You can help keep the light shining
by making a donation
to maximize
a $5000.00 matching grant
we received from
the Virginia Irvin Fund.
This grant will allow us to offer
our workshops in Colorado
at a discounted rate,
making our workshops
more accessible.
Every gift helps.
Thank you for what you can give.
Donations may be sent via our secure giving site: Giving First. |
Upcoming Events
April 18th, 2009
Spiritual Healing and Recovery Introductory Workshop,
Colorado Springs,CO.
Call to register - 303-377-0293.
May 2, 2009
Church of the Holy Family Silent Auction, benefiting Mary's Hope Workshops, Mile Hi Ministries and the Church of the Holy Family.
For information call 303-369-9000.
June 13th, 2009
Advanced Techniques in Spiritual Healing and Recovery
(Prerequisite: Introductory Workshop)
Denver Metro Area
Stay tuned for more!
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When you do something good, or perform a task well, or finish a challenging job, who tells you that you did a good job? For me, a survivor of childhood abuse and trauma, this is a trick question. Certainly, I didn't tell myself that I did a good job: I would never have believed myself anyway. And if someone else told me that I did a good job, chances are that I would turn the compliment away with a "Yeah, but it was easy" or "Yeah, but I should have done it better" or "Yeah, but anyone could have done it." And, to myself, I would say, "If they really knew me, they wouldn't say that." Why would "Yeah, but" be my instinctive response to positive feedback? I suspect it has to do with THE WOUND: the hole in my soul that leads me to believe that I am fundamentally flawed-to believe that deep down inside me, there is nothing that is good, admirable or holy. And as strange as it may seem, this fundamental belief is so ingrained that anything that challenges the truth of it (such as a compliment) is immediately suspect and needs to be challenged in return.
And yet, I have always yearned for positive feedback, for approval, for something which would give me hope that this fundamental flaw is not all there is to me. I sought it through the pursuit of perfection-which created in me a mortal fear of failure. I sought it by trying to be all things to all people, which led me down the slippery slope of co-dependency. As the song goes, I was "looking for love in all the wrong places."
As I work through my healing journey, I have begun to realize that this belief that I am rotten at the core of my being is based on erroneous data. In trying to make sense of a childhood that didn't make sense, I placed the responsibility for the craziness on the only safe place to put it: my own shoulders. Since I never seemed to be perfect enough to gain my parents' approval, it must have been my fault. When I was criticized, it didn't occur to me to think the criticism might be unfair: it was just more evidence that I was flawed. The fact that I was abused had to be my fault: everything else seemed to be.
I was not lucky enough to have someone tell me that all this was not normal until I was 53 years old! That's when I discovered Mary's Hope Workshops, and learned that my idea of normal was NOT NORMAL! And that the core of my being had been wounded by the abuse and trauma that I suffered as a youngster. Best of all, I learned that this wound could be healed!
So now, I am learning to react differently to positive feedback. Sometimes I remember to say "Thank you" and then shut my mouth. I will take compliments that people write to me and pin them on my bulletin board so I can sit with them until I feel more comfortable accepting positive feedback. Sometimes I will give myself the compliment that I have long awaited....even writing it in my journal so I can go back and read it again when I slip back into old reactions. Sometimes I can even say out loud, "I did a good job there" and not feel like a total fraud.
I am beginning to believe -- really believe -- that God is not disappointed in me. For me, that is a big step towards believing that I am beloved of God.
And that would be a beautiful thing.
--Used with permission. The words of a survivor on her journey to healing....
--Drawing copyright 2008 SpazProductions. Used with permission. | |
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Greetings,
February can be a time when we acknowledge those we love. As survivors, oft times we don't make it onto our own "those we love" lists. And we feel left off the lists of those that mattered the most growing up. This newsletter explores possibilities for giving and receiving expressions of appreciation and love as we journey along the path to healing.
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COMING SOON:
A whole new look!
Video, audio, and much more.
We invite you to check it out soon!
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Giving Ourselves Approval
No matter how old we are, those of us who have survived child abuse often find ourselves hungering for the approval of our parents. Even if we are parents ourselves, or taking care of those same aging parents, we still yearn for the affirmation we did not receive as children.
This hunger for parental approval often displays itself as a sense of feeling unfulfilled after achieving a difficult personal goal. We begin to wonder if the results were worth the effort, since we feel a void we can't explain. This need for approval may also manifest itself in our tendency to be overachievers, underacheivers, or perfectionists.
When we were growing up, gaining the approval of our caretakers was tricky. Some of us were coerced into unhealthy activities to gain approval. Some of us got lavish praise one minute and harsh disapproval the next, leaving us confused about how to please others.
So we come to adulthood obsessive about gaining approval or convinced that we cannot gain it at all. It may be years since we had those painful experiences, yet we still know a hollow place within that craves affirmation from those who withheld it. A fifty-year-old attorney with a brilliant record of courtroom wins admits sadly, "I know my mother will never feel proud of me."
We must challenge the sadness that comes from yearning for acknowledgment. We can and must give to ourselves the approval we want. We ourselves can take note of our own good qualities and appreciate our own admirable actions that have positive effects on others. We can bask in those moments when we feel proud of our behavior.
If we still don't feel like we measure up, we can ask a supportive person for reassurance. If that seems risky, we can seek the same thing in meditation and prayer.
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You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have the right to be here.
--Max Ehrmann
From Taking Back Our Lives: Reflections for Survivors of Childhood Abuse, Copyright (c) 2003 by Patti Sherlock, used with permission of ACTA Publications, www.actapublications.com, 1-800-397-2282. All rights reserved.
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Gives Thanks
To Our
Worship Community
Supporters
for their support
since December 2008:
Good Shepherd Episcopal Church
Centennial, CO
*program support and ministry partnership
St. Paul's Episcopal Church
Montrose, CO
*monthly pledge
St. Mark's Episcopal Church
Durango, CO
*monthly pledge
Lutheran Church of the Holy Spirit
Littleton, CO
*monthly tithe
St. John's Episcopal Church
Granby, CO
*program support
St. Mary Magdalene Episcopal Church
Boulder, CO
*program support | |
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