Dear Friends,
If this newsletter has been helpful to you on your healing journey, please consider giving a donation in thanksgiving for the work of Mary's Hope Workshops. It is safe and secure through Giving First. Your gift will allow us to continue to offer the gifts of hope and healing to the "unvoiced thousands."
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HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS A survivor's journey home for the holidays can be shrouded in the fog of uncertain expectations and unpredictable reactions. We offer a survivor's perspective on this annual tradition.
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We're all about WORKSHOPS! Shattered Souls: Overview of the Wounded Soul
Saturday, January 10th, 2009
The Church of the Holy Family
16738 E. Iliff Ave.
Aurora, CO 80013-1135
8:30 a.m - 11:00 a.m.
Presentation from 9 a.m. - 10:30 a.m.
Reservations required.
Call 303-377-0293
A $10.00 donation is suggested.
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Spiritual Healing and Recovery - Introductory Workshop
Saturday, January 24th, 2009
St. John's Episcopal Church
Boulder, CO 80302
9 am - 5:00 pm with check-in at 8:30 am.
We are pleased to be able to offer this workshop at the greatly reduced price
To register by phone or for
information on other events, please call 303-377-0293
or email maryshope@maryshope.org.
FURTHER LOCATIONS AND DATES
Moye Retreat Center - Castroville TX
830-931-2233 - Linda Follis registrar
February 4 - "Overview of the Wounded Soul" 7-8:30 pm
February 6 - "Spiritual Healing and Recovery Workshop" 8:30am - 5pm
February 7 - "Journey into Healing - Silent Retreat" 8:30am - 3:30pm
St Raphael's Episcopal Church - Colorado Springs CO - register through the Mary's Hope office.
April 18 - "Spiritual Healing and Recovery Workshop" 8:30am - 5pm |
Gives Thanks
To Our
Worship Community
Supporters
for their support
since June 2008:
Good Shepherd Episcopal Church
Centennial, CO
*program support and ministry partnership
St. Paul's Episcopal Church
Montrose, CO
Roman Catholic Diocese
of Tulsa, OK
* underwriting of workshops in Oklahoma
Good Shepherd Lutheran Church
Tulsa, OK * co-sponsors of workshops in Oklahoma
St. Mark's Episcopal Church
Durango, CO
*monthly pledge
Lutheran Church of the Holy Spirit
Littleton, CO
*monthly tithe
Benedictine Sisters of St. Joseph Monastery Tulsa OK
*Translation of the Stations of the Cross into Spanish
High Plains Region
Episcopal Diocese of CO
*grant for workshop scholarships
Park Hill Congregational Church (UCC)
Denver, CO
*program support
Virginia B. Ervin
Challenge Matching Grant 2009
*program support
St. Timothy's Episcopal Church
Centennial, CO
*program support
St. Philip and
St. James
Episcopal Church
Denver, CO
*program support
St. Mary Magdalene
Episcopal Church
Boulder, CO
*grant for program support | |
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Greetings,
The holiday season is upon us...and for survivors, this can be a difficult time. We offer our thoughts and prayers that this will be for you a time of peace and hope.
Forward this to your friends by clicking on this button. 
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Why are the Holidays So Ruddy Hard for
Going home. The mere thought of that is enough to start my pulse racing, my palms sweating, and my stomach churning. Many survivors share my disquiet about returning to our families of origin. Frankly, going home for the holidays can be a trip fraught with landmines.
Why would such a potentially joyous time be so difficult?
For a survivor of childhood abuse and trauma, home and family often do not represent a safe haven. When I go home, I am expected to fall into the old, familiar (and unhealthy) co-dependant roles which were the norm when I was a child. I am expected to fall back under the control of a domineering parent, to keep the family secrets, and to not threaten the status quo. I find myself triggered by memories and attitudes which I had thought I was long past reacting to. And, I may even find myself having to deal with face to face encounters with my abusers, perhaps surrounded by family members who continue to deny or minimize the abuse. If I have not done my healing work, this all feels normal, and I may not be aware of how toxic it is to my soul. I find myself re-victimized over and over again.
Wanna know a secret?? I have learned that I don't have to play those games any more.
Through the teaching of Mary's Hope Workshops, the support of friends and counselors, and through my own healing work, I have acquired some tools to help me deal with the dangers of going home. I have named my spiritual wounds, and, after lots of healing work, have come to realize that I was not created to be abused. That my abuse, past AND present, is an affront to the Creator that I know. And that as I get healthier, I am more able to protect myself from re-victimization.
I can take steps to remember that I am an adult and I don't have to accept the verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse. I can carry something in my pocket to remind me of that-a note to myself, or a stone, or my car keys. I can excuse myself and go to the restroom for a frank, but encouraging conversation with my scared, inner child. I can speak assertively to my family members, speaking the truth when faced with the widely accepted distortions which dominate my family's remembrances. And, I can choose to leave if the situation becomes toxic. It's not easy, but I can do these things to protect myself.
And the most amazing thing: the catastrophes I am sure will occur when I break the family rules simply don't happen. Yes, some of the family get pretty bent out of shape that I am not following the family rules. But those rules were bad rules anyway-meant to control children and protect the family secrets. Beyond that, however, I am amazed to discover that, in fact, lightning doesn't strike me dead. My friends don't condemn me for standing up for myself in the face of abuse. A big hole doesn't open up and swallow me. Unbelievably, I am still alive.
And that gives me courage to take the next step to freedom from the wounds I have carried these oh so many years. I will protect my child within. I will stand up for the truth. I will let go of the burdens I have borne for so long. And, I will not go back to being the victim of abuse. For I deserve better.
Elaine Oxenbury
Mary's Hope Workshops |
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And You Deserve Better, Too.
So, here are some things you can do to protect yourself when you go home for the holidays:
- Remember you are an adult now, and you do not have to follow the old family rules. You can make and follow your own rules now. Even if they don't like it.
- Stay in a hotel--or at least go for lots of long walks -- give yourself alone time and space to process and recover.
- Journal, journal, journal.
- Enlist the aid of an ally in the family--plan a "rescue me" signal.
- Use the buddy system when in the presence of an abuser--stay close to someone who will stand up for you.
- Use the bathroom as a temporary refuge--people can't argue with biological needs.
- Trust your gut--if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
- Have access to an escape route --car keys , taxi etc, and don't have others dependant on you being available to drive them, in case you have to leave.
- If the situation becomes toxic, state that the conversation has to change or you'll leave. And then do it.
- Stay away from alcohol--you need to be in control, especially if others aren't.
- If you are the only one who seems to think something is wrong, don't think it is YOU that is wrong -- they are likely engaging in distorted thinking. Remember, you may be the only rational person there!
All this being said, savor the sweet moments of family time, if there are any.
And then plan a wonderful party with your friends when you get back. You'll have earned it!
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We wish to thank Beth Rietz for her faithful service to the ministry of Mary's Hope Workshops. Beth recently resigned from her position at Mary's Hope. We wish her every blessing as she continues to be faithful to her call to serve survivors.
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From us and ours, to you and yours.....
Holiday wishes for a time of peace, joy, and hope. May you journey towards the light.
Blessings,
Sherry, Diane, and Elaine
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