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By Lorene Rasmussen
I could tell Peter was furious when he entered my office, but I was still quietly working with Frank, a salesman who had unexpectedly stopped in. I welcomed Frank's interruption because the project I had been working on came to an impasse after several failed attempts of getting answers from Frank's website. It was my newly acquired responsibility to make sure all the "in case of fire" signs were displayed throughout the facility so we could pass a routine fire inspection. When our conversation ended, Frank gathered up his designs, said his good- byes, and walked out the front door. As soon as the door closed, Peter, my supervisor and long-time friend, launched into me as if I had just broken a cardinal rule. With his hands flying and his finger pointed in my direction, he began interrogating me. He wanted to know why I had scheduled the meeting without him, why I thought I could make such an expensive decision without his approval, and why the project had gone on well beyond the scheduled plan. I sat there listening, trying to take in all his words, actions, and accusations. I wanted to understand exactly where all his frustration was coming from, while still keeping my composure. Just as he was taking a deep breath, I smiled and calmly said, "If you're done ranting, I'm done listening." Shared Trust: In his soon-to-be-released book,
The Character of Leadership, Phil Eastman
writes, "Trust is the foundational component for all
human relationships. Without trust, relationships are
strained and dysfunctional. With trust, relationships are
vibrant and powerful." The kind of trust Phil is describing
is what we call in our High Performance Team Model,
shared trust.
Shared trust takes time to build and time to maintain, but enjoys a lifetime of rewards. Shared trust will not happen just because you think it should be so. It must be articulated, nurtured, and agreed upon within relationship. Shared trust is aware that there will be times of disillusion, conflict, and hurt feelings, yet is ready for continued engagement and forgiveness. Shared trust is drenched with unimagined possibilities and involves personal responsibility, commitment, and change. If trust is so fundamental, why is it so hard to wrap our arms around it? Eastman believes it is because, "It is difficult to see trust in the affirmative. In other words, it is easier to see trust when it is broken rather than when it is whole." As it turns out, Eastman is not alone in his belief. Fernando Flores, author, engineer, and former Minister of Finance from the country of Chile, states, "Trust is one of those essential human values that everyone understands, until it comes into question and it is time to put it into practice." Tainted Trust: Fernando Flores came to
personally synthesize the issue of trust through
hauntingly unusual circumstances as the Minister of
Finance in Chile. After the assassination of Salvador
Allende and a military coup that brought down his
government in 1973, "Fernando found himself betrayed
by the country he loved and had served." He went to
prison without trial and faced execution. It was there he
came to know that self-trust and the resolute trust of
those closest to him was paramount for his emotional
and physical survival.
Today, Flores is a global consultant. He ascertains that trust and distrust are the greatest concern of companies whether large or small, public or private. "Creating trust has become the primary goal of his business practices." Building Trust: "Trust is not always a good
thing," writes Flores in his book, Building Trust: in
business, politics, relationships, and life.
Misguided trust can be immature, reckless, gullible,
and taken for granted; therefore, the focus must be on
building trust. Flores says, "Building trust is: creating
trust, maintaining trust, and restoring trust once it has
been lost or betrayed. . .building trust requires talking and
thinking about trust." When trust is present, it generates
a dynamic, flexible, and innovative environment.
Economics of Trust: In his book, Speed of
Trust,
Stephen M. R. Covey believes "the economics of trust"
are tangible and quantifiable. He looks at two recent
events, 9/11 and Sarbanes-Oxley Act, which undeniably
proves when trust is down, the speed at which things are
accomplished goes down, while the cost of doing
business goes up. Covey states, "Trust always affects
two outcomes-speed and cost."
Fernando Flores makes a distinction between the different kinds of trust we experience. Below are the four most common, illustrated with a personal story: Basic: "Basic trust provides the basis for
one's entire personality and demeanor toward the world."
F.F. ~ The chair looked sturdy enough as Kass
pulled it out from the table, but once she sat on it, it was
obvious the frame was compromised sometime during
storage, and she went tumbling to the floor. What is
consider humorous on America's Funniest Home Videos,
isn't nearly as funny when your friend is lying on your
dining room floor with a hurt back and bruised ego. After
she quickly regained her composure, Kass pulled herself
up and selected a second chair. Even though she had
reason not to trust my furniture, her basic trust told her
the next chair was going to be fine, and she was right.
Simple: "Simple trust is the utter absence of
suspicion." F.F. ~ As much as my Pollyanna
personality still wants to believe, rumor has it there is no
Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy. Some may
have accepted this reality at a very young age, while
others (like myself) held onto the magic beyond what
was considered socially acceptable. Once simple trust is
violated, its innocence can never be restored which is not
necessarily negative. It can be the opportunity for better
understanding and deeper wisdom.
Blind: "Blind trust is willfully self-deceptive
because it refuses to consider the evidence of betrayal."
F.F. ~ We sat there listening to her sobs, trying to
take in all her words as she told us she could no longer
live "the lie." She was seeking advice on how to confront
her husband about his infidelity for the last time. This
was not the first time she had told us: it wasn't even the
second time. Actually, we had lost count over the years.
She was a trusting soul, always wanting to believe the
best, and desiring to be the bigger person. They had
been married for a long time, they had grown children,
and she loved him deeply, but the time had come to
make the final appeal. Her eyes were wide open, and
she was no longer going to be part of the "waking dead."
She loved him too much not to do what was right, and
she needed the courage tell him.
Authentic: "Authentic trust is an articulated
trust, based on relationship, and incorporates the
possibility of betrayal and disappointment. It is complex,
innovative, and extraordinary in that it causes you to go
beyond the immediate, into the future together."
Compilation from Building Trust ~ When the
realization hit me, I was ashamed. Once again, I had
neglected to take care of a task and then tried to cover it
with manufactured excuses. To be honest, my intentions
were good, but the outcome was a very disappointed co-
worker and both of us scrambling to finish up of the
details. There is nothing harder than to look into the face
of someone important to you and say, "I am sorry. I
failed you. Please forgive me." Yet those could be three
of the four most powerful statements one could ever
utter. ("I love you!" being the fourth.)
Cordial Hypocrisy: Justification aside, I fell prey
to what Flores calls, "cordial hypocrisy." This happens
when we want to "save face" by being polite to one
another, accepting an assignment, project, or
engagement knowing we may not have the time or
resources to complete it. Instead of trusting my co-
worker and telling her about the time constraint, I
accepted the task and failed to produce. If this kind of
behavior persists, it will eventually produce a toxic poison
of distrust and cynicism undermining any hope of
genuine, authentic trust.
Peter heard my strong words! As I watched his
arms relax and his face soften, I continued, "When you're
ready, I would like to fill you in on some of the details you
missed." Peter pulled up a chair and sat down. He
looked at me as I shared how Frank had dropped by
without an appointment, and since he was there, I asked
him all the questions I had accumulated. I explained how
Frank took the time to show me how to navigate the
website, and even taught me how to use the design tool.
As for the budgeted amount, timeline, and authority to
make the decision, I reminded Peter about the
agreement we had made earlier in the
month.
Peter listened intently, admitting he jumped to wild conclusions, and had taken my conversation with Frank out of context. When I was finished talking, Peter walked into his office and closed his door. The emotions from the encounter were more than I could bear and I started to cry. My head was spinning. I played the scenario over repeatedly in my head trying to figure out what went wrong. Restoring Trust: In hopes to regain composure, I turned back to my computer only to find an email from Peter with the subject line reading, "Please forgive me." Peter went on to share how his morning transpired before coming into the office. He had missed an appointment due to a family emergency; his lunch meeting with a dignitary was cancelled but not until he was seated in the restaurant; and the list went on. By the time Peter arrived at the office, he was ready for a fight, and I got to be his opponent. I sat back in my chair and through my tears reread his
words. I clicked reply and wrote, "Thank you for sharing
your day. Apology accepted. Your morning sounded
incredibly frustrating. I hope your family crisis has
subsided. I will happily reschedule your appointment with
Mr. Smith. As for what happened between us, we need
to explore alternative ways of dealing with stress and
disappointments. We also need to discuss what can be
done in the future to circumvent any misplaced outbursts
of accusations, and come to a mutual agreement." Two
minutes later, I received the message, "Yes! Thank you."
Three books were reviewed for this month's article.
Each book offered specific insights to the relevent topic
of Trust.
Building Trust: in business, politics, relationships, and life , by Fernando Flores & Robert Solomon is solid reading. It takes a multifaceted and philosphical look at building and sustaining trust. The Speed of Trust, by Stephen M. R. Covey, is easy to read considering the complex topic of trust. Covey spends ample time on the importance of ethics as a core value, both personally and professionally. The Character of Leadership: An Ancient Model for a Quantum Age , by Philip H. Eastman ll, is rich with historical stories illuminating leadership principles for a quantum age. Trust: How Hard Can It Be?
is #3 in a series of informal book reviews.
Lorene Rasmussen is the Partner for Business
Operations which guides and supports the daily and
strategic operations of Leadership Advisors Group. She
combines a unique sense of fun and organization to
ensure operations run smoothly and that clients receive
the highest quality service possible.
Lorene earned her Bachelor of Business Administration
in Marketing from Boise State University and is a certified
Life Coach through Genesis Enterprises in Seattle,
Washington.
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"If there's a book you really want to read but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." ~Toni Morrison
 Phil Eastman & Lorene Rasmussen
Leadership Advisors Group
email:
phil@leadershipadvisors.com
phone:
(208) 344-0471
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