Why Oh Why Do People Whine at Work?

by Cynthia Clay

President, NetSpeed Learning Solutions

Yes, we all whine about whining. It's one of those behaviors (like fingernails on a blackboard) that grates on people's nerves. People who feel perpetually victimized by circumstances and conditions at work and home can try everyone's patience.

A Whiner's Story

Meet Lionel, a whiner who complained regularly about coworkers who let him down, bad management decisions that affected him, the color of paint on the walls, the sordid state of the refrigerator at work, the company's benefit plans, his inability to get his manager to return his phone calls, the gravel on the walkways outside the building, etc. On and on the complaints went, never with a constructive suggestion.

Like many on the receiving end of Lionel's laments, his coworkers made suggestion after suggestion to empower him to take action. But Lionel wanted them to take action on his behalf. On occasion, they gave up and fixed whatever was broken to end the whining, resenting every second they spent solving Lionel's problems for him.

Fortunately, like many whiners, attuned to what doesn't work instead of what does work, Lionel was often the first to spot problems that might threaten to derail important projects. The whiner's early warning system actually alerts the team to issues that need to be addressed.

Take a look at a few clues that identify the whiner. He may: 

• Blame problems and conditions on others
• Talk endlessly about problems with third parties instead of taking action
• Not be willing to be personally responsible for negative outcomes
• Expect the organization's managers to fix mistakes
• Constantly criticize others' work
• Encourage others to address issues on his behalf
• Avoid direct confrontation or conflict

Whining can be a chronic pattern that results when people feel powerless to affect change.

To approach the whiner's behavior constructively, you might adopt a few helpful assumptions. What if you accepted that behind the whiner's behavior is fear (of assertively requesting a solution, of being responsible for the outcome, of confrontation, of being unseen or unheard, and of conflict)? What if his past attempts to change his circumstances have been met with failure? Ask yourself if you've ever whined (complained about someone or something repeatedly without seeking a resolution).

Complaining about external events is so common that an international No-Complaint Movement has sprung up. You can even order your own No Complaints bracelet to remind you to stop doing it.

As you're mastering your own tendency to complain, try not to rescue the whiners around you. It's fine to empathize but then apply two Principles to the situation: Take Responsibility and Extend Respect.  (These are two of the four principles described in Peer Power: Transforming Workplace Relationships by Cynthia Clay and Ray Olitt, upon which this article is based.)

Take Responsibility 

• Look at your contribution to the problem. Don't reinforce whining.
• Perform well. Don't whine yourself.
• Respect your needs. Don't hang out with whiners.
• Communicate and establish ground rules. Establish time constraints.

Extend Respect 

• Listen. Let him vent without responding.
• Resist rescuing. Restate his complaint but don't be sucked into solving his problem.
• Block backstabbing. Become an advocate for openness.

If you are up to the conversation, you can sometimes ask the whiner if he wants your help solving the problem. With his permission, you may ask coaching questions to help him determine what his next steps might be to resolve the issue he's whining about. At best, he may begin to rediscover his own power. Or, he may simply realize that there's no point in whining to you because you always expect him to take action.

The Rest of the Story

As his coworkers began to realize that they shared Lionel's tendency to complain, they noticed that they were all more aware of the negative environment that was created when whining took hold. They committed to a "complaint-free" work environment that supported their efforts to reduce all whining. Instead of jumping into a whine-fest when one team member complained, they began to ask, "What constructive action can I take now to resolve this problem?" Lionel joined in the team's commitment and, though he isn't perfect, has reduced his tendency to complain about people and situations.

The whiner is one of nine difficult behavior patterns that can be found in the workplace. To learn more about Peer Power: Transforming Workplace Relationships, listen to this interview with Cynthia Clay. Then assess your readiness to develop open, honest communication by completing the About You questionnaire at www.netspeedlearning.com. 

Speed Read Recommendation

A-Ha! Performance: Building and Managing a Self-Motivated Work Force

by Douglas Walker and Stephen Sorkin

by Brant Blumstein, NetSpeed Learning Solutions, Director of Training Services 

In no particular order of consequences if not followed: