Handling Bullies at Work

by Cynthia Clay

President, NetSpeed Learning Solutions

Have you ever felt victimized or steamrolled by a bully? Workplace bullies wield their power to force others to do what they want. Inappropriate demands and threats are their methods of choice. They wear the slogan, "Just do it and do it now" as a badge of honor, often proud of their ability to get their way or get others to comply.

A Bully's Story

Meet Darcy, a sales representative who forced others to do what she wanted.  Anger, impatience and threats were her tools of choice. Darcy steamrolled any employee who dared to question her requests.  Pressuring the customer service support team to meet her needs, Darcy expected immediate compliance to her demands. She could reduce well-meaning employees to tears by threatening to get them fired, long after they had corrected mistakes or problems.

Darcy was smart, focused, and often hit her sales targets. The sales manager loved her numbers. Though she alienated most of the support team, Darcy nurtured her relationship with the sales manager. Her interpersonal skills, however, were her greatest weakness. When her name appeared on Caller ID, the entire customer service support team gritted their teeth.

Take a look at a few clues that unmask the bully. She may:

• Make demands to ignore procedures
• Insist you do things her way
• Threaten to take problems to your boss
• Threaten to block your promotion unless you cooperate
• Delay a decision or withhold support unless you comply
• Refuse to listen to your objections

The workplace is full of bullies. Sadly, many of them have used their aggressive tactics to move into managerial or high-level professional positions.

To approach the bully's behavior constructively, it's useful to make some helpful assumptions. What if you believed that the bully craves success and fears failure? What if you recognized that the bully has high standards and believes that her standards are the only thing preventing the organization's collapse? What if you could see that the bully might be a bit of a control freak, especially when work pressure is creating stress? Look in the mirror. Ask yourself if you've ever bullied anyone with subtle threats or outright demands. Bullying is a common human failing.

Instead of feeling victimized by the bully, bring two communication principles into your work relationship: Take Responsibility and Extend Respect.  (These are two of the four principles described in Peer Power: Transforming Workplace Relationships by Cynthia Clay and Ray Olitt.)

Take Responsibility

• Establish ground rules and clear expectations
• Provide frequent updates on tasks you are handling
• Perform well to gain her respect
• Acknowledge and correct your mistakes
• Respect your own needs by not bowing to pressure
• Pat yourself on the back for successful conversations with her  

Extend Respect

• Notice and honor style differences
• Flex your behavior to focus on results
• Listen well to her concerns and requests
• Don't rescue her when she's upset (don't bend the rules for the bully)
• Respect your organization's policies and procedures

These practices can go a long way toward influencing the bully to work assertively, instead of aggressively with you. If problems continue, you may need to negotiate with her, using the strategy of compromising to reach quick agreements. A typical conversation might sound like this: "Darcy, I know you hate paperwork, but if you complete Form 10B by 5:00 pm, I'll stay an extra 15 minutes tonight to enter your order into the system. Agreed?" 

The Rest of the Story

As her coworkers began to use their peer power to communicate with Darcy, she didn't magically transform into a new woman. In fact, she continued to make loud demands, venting her frustrations at the customer service support team. However, one support rep actually enjoyed the challenge of keeping Darcy happy. He maintained his objectivity and poise when she vented, refused to violate procedures, offered compromise solutions, followed through, and gained her trust. When Darcy called, he chose to handle her customer requests. In time the entire team realized that Darcy overreacted less often when she felt confident that she could trust their performance.

The bully is one of nine difficult behavior patterns that can be found in the workplace. To learn more about Peer Power: Transforming Workplace Relationships, watch this interview with Cynthia Clay. Then assess your readiness to develop open, honest communication by completing the About You questionnaire at www.netspeedlearning.com.

Speed Read Recommendation

Generating Buy-In: Mastering the Language of Leadership

by Mark S. Walton

by Brant Blumstein, NetSpeed Learning Solutions Director of Training Services 

It is one of the tenets of NetSpeed Learning Solutions' Virtual Facilitator Trainer Certification (VFTC) course that a PowerPoint picture is worth a thousand words. And since that many words cannot fit legibly fit on a slide, a powerful image is the way to go. We know that pictures reach a different part of the brain than words do. Images, like music, can more immediately evoke a thought or emotion, bypassing language. Seth Godin writes "Communication is the transfer of emotion," and urges us to "Create slides that demonstrate, with emotional proof, that what you are saying is true, not just accurate."

I just saw delightful proof that he is right, in a VFTC participant's slides on Pez dispensers. Seeing those beautiful and funny plastic works of art magnified on a slide, augmented by simple text, instantly brought back memories of the childhood pleasure of their look and of pulling back their heads and popping the candy into my mouth-- tart and melting. No amount or choice of words could have so instantly reached the same spots of recognition and emotion. The simple text that accompanied it supported what I could already see: the value of Pez dispensers. I instantly understood why people are drawn to collecting them at high prices. From the image to the heart (and the pocket if you're selling). So here's to PowerPoint pictures, beautiful, bold and emotional "proof."

Brant Blumstein is a certified Master Trainer and Director of Training Services for NetSpeed Learning Solutions and is based in Boston, MA.