By Jim Stimson
When I was 25 and an active addict, in a drunken, angry state I purposely crashed my car into another car and took off. The next morning I woke up with a hazy recollection of what I had done. In that moment I knew I had hit my bottom and for the first time, I completely let go and surrendered.
Moments later the police were knocking on my door and I confessed that I had indeed been involved in a hit and run. It did not matter to me what the police wanted to do to me. I knew in my heart that I was an addict and I finally was willing to seek help.
In a 12-step program the first three steps can be summarized as: I can't; a power greater than myself can; I think I'll turn it over. It doesn't matter what the addiction is - the first step for addicts is to admit their powerlessness and then turn their life over to a Higher Power of their understanding. And then step three, "I think I'll turn it over" means I'm going to get out of my own way, quit doing things the way I always have, and stop trying to control everything. That is surrender. Surrender is simply the act of inviting our Higher Power into our lives.
Addicts must be open to receiving guidance from something greater than they are, just as their addiction is greater than they are. In order to get on the road of recovery, they need to let go, see that they are powerless and surrender their situation to HP.
As addicts we get so sick of the pain brought about by the consequences of our addiction that we reach the point where we realize we can't do it alone. When we first surrender to our addiction, it is our ego that is defeated in that moment. 12-Step literature talks about the need to deflate the ego in order for an addict to get on the road to recovery and ultimately find serenity and peace. The mere act of surrendering control connects us to a power that is greater than ourselves and our addiction. No matter what direction we choose, the foundation of surrender is confronting our ego - the very thing that got us into trouble in the first place. Our ego is always coming from a place of fear, a lack of trust, and a desire to be in control. That is what takes us down.
When we surrender, we don't know how things are going to turn out. Surrender requires an act of faith that involves moving forward without proof. We just let go, turn our situation over to HP, and do the next right thing - take the next indicated step. It is not about being passive or fatalistic. Surrender involves consciously taking action. It requires we let go of our attachment to outcomes and place our trust in the process. When we do this we open ourselves up to possibilities greater than we could have ever imagined or created for ourselves alone.
Surrender does not mean someone is no longer responsible for his or her actions or doesn't need to take action. In fact the opposite is true. Perhaps for the first time in our lives, we have to take a position of full accountability for our actions. As a first action step in finding recovery we must reach out and ask for help. And then we need to keep taking action - going to meetings, finding a sponsor, going to treatment... whatever are the next indicated steps.
Because the ego doesn't just go away and stay away after we surrender, the ongoing challenge in recovery is to continually be aware of when we are operating from ego and then letting it go in order that we can truly be in the flow of life.
While the road to recovery starts with that first act of surrender, recovery is an ongoing process of surrendering our ego and placing our trust in HP as we encounter challenges in life. The very idea of surrender frightens the ego as it believes it needs to be totally in control in order to survive. But it was the ego's dysfunctional and unhealthy beliefs and coping mechanisms that created our character defects that feed our addiction in the first place.
In due course surrendering becomes a daily practice. We "let go and let God." We learn to get out of our own way and let go of the need to be in control. Needing to be in control comes from fear - 12 step literature talks about how the addict is shot through with fear. As we learn to trust that our Higher Power is always there to guide and support us, we lose the need to be in control and so we lose our fear.
The more we do this, the more we can experience happiness, joyfulness, and freedom.
Jim Stimson is the author of An Act of Surrender: How to Recover from Alcohol and Drug Addiction and Be Happy, Joyous, and Free! Jim will be facilitating a weekend workshop at Cedars August 19-21 on "Deepening Recovery" through working spiritual principles including surrender.
This workshop is being offered by Cedars in the Discovery Centre and will be facilitated by Jim Stimson and Nancy Lee, authors of An Act of Surrender: Recover from Alcohol and Drug Addiction and Be Happy, Joyous, and Free!