This anniversary is an intensely emotional experience for me.  Of course, I am frankly ecstatic that we have come so far and that we now have alumni coming up on celebrating five years of Recovery, we are blessed with an incredibly dedicated staff and countless friends and supporters of what Cedars is working to accomplish. There are always growing pains with this kind of a project  and I am not a newcomer to the work of bringing a treatment facility to life - and began the process anticipating those pains. However, the loss of my partners Ross and Tom and my dear friend and our Medical Director, Douglas was not only not something I had anticipated - it has been a very painful journey into new territory.  The economic downturn that challenged Cedars and all of our corporate partners was another side road into the unknown. I get a bit caught up sometimes in all of the science and philosophy around addiction and what it means to be human. I enjoy, appreciate and value the intellectual pursuits. But, in my personal journey through life, I must tell you it has been the comforting presence of my Higher Power and the Fellowship that I rely upon 100% to see me through the darkest of places.  When life has been what seems like an unimaginable and painful mess that couldn't possibly be "any worse" my relationship with my Higher Power and the closeness of friends has always allowed me the comfort of knowing that "this too shall pass,"  and that if I stay on my spiritual path, the "Promises" will once again become reality.   When Ross was well into his last days and with considerable suffering, I asked him what it was like for him to be going through his losing battle with cancer. While expressing sadness and a wish that it wasn't happening, Ross said he believed that his Higher Power wanted him to "show people   that this Program works - no matter what you're going through. " We either live with the faith that we are cared for, and if we stay committed to our spiritual path we will be sustained or, we fall back into the chaos of living in fear.  I really do think that the recent history of Cedars is filled with the truth of Ross's words - this program works, we are cared for, the Promises are still here and unimagined possibilities are on the horizon!

A major objective of Cedars right now is to begin to paint a very observable, perhaps measurable, picture of what Recovery is - and that it is not only possible but predictable. We want the Promises to be real not only to us but to the world.  The incredibly powerful feelings that will be absolutely palpable around Cedars on March 12 are a revelation of the power of Fellowship, a vivid expression of what we experience as Spirituality.  

There is now a movement in the world of "treatment" driven by well-intentioned people who do not believe that what we all experience as abstinence based, spiritual recovery, is even possible. They would argue that the best we could hope for would be some sort of effort that would allow for "harm reduction". There is an exceptionally naïve group of very bright scientists who think that abstinence is the limit of Recovery - their laboratory efforts and scientific papers will not and cannot consider what we experience as "Recovery".  The scientists don't have the ability to, or an interest in, measuring the   "power" that will be so evident at Cedars on March 12 - or in countless 12 step meetings around the world.  They can't measure the value of the calm and the comfort  Ross experienced as he contemplated his final days, or what I experienced when he told me his calling was to show that "this program works" .

Heading into year six there is much to be grateful for and some very exciting new things that you will be hearing a lot about very soon.  At the very top of my list of things to be grateful for, is the fantastic display of the value of this program and of the spiritual journey that is being offered by our Cedars alumni. There couldn't be a more visible, unarguable showing of why we believe in doing what we are doing than the continued demonstration of Recovery by our alumni - they really are the soul of Cedars.

This is a great time to celebrate the realization of "Promises" and to join together in anticipation of breathtaking "Possibilities".

In fellowship,

Neal Berger
Executive Director

Are you a person who is overly passive or excessively caretaking?  Are you preoccupied with the needs of someone else and put your needs and desires after his or hers?  Do you have difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with others? It may be that you are "codependent" or perhaps have codependent tendencies.

A person who is codependent is someone whose life revolves around an addict/alcoholic and has no clear definition of who he or she is without that person. In fact, we say in our Discovery Program that the codependent is actually a co-addict... they are addicted to the addict. The co-addict becomes locked into the dysfunctional relationship and has a compulsive need to control their addicted partner.

The term codependency was first used in the 1980s to describe those of us who grew up in a dysfunctional home and subsequently developed certain maladaptive behaviours (listed below). The dysfunctional home could have been the result of substance abuse, mental illness, childhood abuse and neglect, or chronic psychological trauma. In such cases, children learn to focus on the inconsistencies in their environment, rather than on their own needs and feelings. They learn to react rather than act.

Dysfunctional families will set up their own rules that allow family members to cope with the craziness that is going on. These might include:

·         Don't rock the boat.

·         Don't talk about problems.

·         Keep feelings to yourself.

·         Do as I say, not as I do.

·         Always be good/right/perfect/strong.

·         Make us proud beyond realistic expectations.

·         It is not okay to be playful.

At the core, I believe the co-addict is trying to fill up internally with something that can't be filled up by an external source which is why the co-addicts life is so outer-focused.  Instead, everything revolves around how the other person is feeling and what they are doing. Many addicts in recovery will also discover they are co-addicts once they begin the work of healing the addiction.  

As adults, codependent people tend to get into intimate relationships with others who are unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. Of course, addicts often fit the bill. The co-addict will then try to control everything within the relationship without addressing his or her own needs and feelings.

In the Discovery Program we want participants to know from the first day that they need to be there for themselves. People will go into the Program thinking they are there to learn how to help the addict make his or her life better. What we want participants to do is regain a spiritual sense of who they are - that they are separate from the addict/alcoholic; that it is possible for two people with independent lives to become great partners.

The co-addict must go through their own recovery program and work through their issues of shame, guilt, and remorse. They need to understand that if their addicted loved one doesn't make it in recovery they don't have to go back and repeat old behaviours and attempt to take care of this person. For some people that is really difficult to get... especially if it is what they grew up with a co-addicted parent.

Fortunately, people who are co-addicted can learn to be more aware of their non-helpful actions and behaviours and develop new, healthier coping skills. Support programs such as Alanon and Naranon can be helpful.

So how do you know if you are a co-addicted? Here are some of the more common characteristics of the 'classic' codependent:

 By Joe Petriccione, Facilitator, Discovery Programs

Have you been trying to heal from Emotional Eating? Do you overeat, binge eat and generally soothe yourself with food because:

•  You feel stressed and struggle with problems in your daily life  
• You find yourself in challenging and changing times
• You feel exhausted and overwhelmed by your present life
• You feel empty inside and out of balance
• You feel anxious

Take a step towards more happiness and ease in your life. Join Ina Stockhausen, a therapist who has helped countless women stop Emotional Eating for 3 days of healing. Gather with other women like you at a residential retreat that promises to change the relationship you have with your body, with food and yourself.

Incorporating art, movement, ritual and the map of Integrative Body Psychotherapy we will explore:

• Changing negative beliefs that you have about yourself that may be holding you back and are impacting your relationship with food  
• Developing tools YOU need to cope with triggers without reverting back to disordered eating
• What you really long for when you reach for food  
• Updating coping strategies you learned during childhood which no longer serve you well
• Making peace with your body and rediscovering your inner Goddess
• Connecting to your birth right to feel good about yourself  
• Finding a new way to eat - connected to your body and your inner voice

Without the responsibilities and business of daily life you will be able to immerse yourself in healing self-exploration, integrating body, mind, emotions and spirit.

This residential Retreat isn't about dieting or weight loss. It is about addressing the underlying issues that drive emotional eating and re-evaluating your connection with food. It is also about connecting with other women.

Location: Cedars at Cobble Hill Residential Treatment Centre

April 8 - 10th, 2011

 The Retreat will begin Friday April 8th at 10 am and finish Sunday April 10th at 2 pm.

 Retreat Cost:

$ 495.00 - Registration Fee includes all the workshop material, 2 nights accommodations at Cedars and all meals.

click here for more details & to request a registration package, space is limited! Registration deadline is March 28th, 2011.