02.01.2010
  
Adirondack Header with magine
Michael Fox CPCC,
founder of magine!,
is a professional
coach and trainer,
author and creative artist, whose work has been featured throughout
the world.

Michael is a
Certified Practitioner
of the
Myers-Briggs
Type Indicator.

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What's true?
For years--whether consciously or not, it matters not--you've been crafting a story: your story. A story replete with heroes and villains. A story that explains how you got from there to here--and not over there. If the outcome has proven favorable, you're likely to be equally fond of the narrative you've crafted to support it. If, however, your expectations have been dashed, you'll likely show up in your own story as a victim. You cast your family, friends, and associates in supporting roles--often assigning them and your shared context responsibility for your disappointment and disillusionment. Your story can be so convincing that it becomes your reality. There are times when it's essential to clarify what's story and what's true: here's an example and an exercise of what that process might look like during a season of stress:


Katelyn called this week feeling used and confused. Her thoughts were a tangle of emotions including anxiety, anger, and despair. She was exhausted, initially unable to identify the roots 'neath the tangle. After a few minutes of conversation, however, Katelyn was able to name the "perfect storm" of circumstances that had led to the anguish of her heart and mind. She was concerned for her husband's health; she was wounded by a young friend's ingratitude; and, she was anxious for the well-being of her beloved church family.

I asked Katelyn for four sheets of paper. "Label the first piece of paper, 'Ron's Health'; the second, 'Amy's Attitude'; the third, 'My Church Family'; the fourth, 'What's True.'"

"Where would you like to start?", I asked. After a few moments of contemplation, Katelyn decisively replied, "Let's start with Amy."

"Then put the other sheets of paper aside for the moment--along with any attendant thoughts--and let's focus on Amy," I explained. "I'm going to remain silent but present. Write down--without filter and without judgment--everything that's on your heart and mind around Amy's perceived ingratitude."

For the next several moments, I remained still as Katelyn quietly "dumped" her thoughts and emotions around Amy's behavior. It was fascinating to hear Katelyn's "involuntary audibles"--her guttural responses to what her pen was putting to paper. Generally, her list evolved from judgment to mercy--from "Argh" to "Aha!" After some time, Katelyn paused, reflected, wrote a bit more, and then was finished. Already, early in the exercise, I could hear Katelyn sigh as her shoulders relaxed; her breathing deeper and more measured; her disposition marked less by judgment and more by compassion.

"Now," I explained, "Step through each assumption around Amy's perceived ingratitude and ask yourself, "Is it true?" As Katelyn moved through the list, she began to separate "what is true" from "her story"--her assumptions around what is true. Interestingly, like most buried treasure, she discovered greater value--less story and more truth--as she moved from the top to the bottom of the list.

Finally, I asked Katelyn to transfer that which she found to be true around Amy's attitude to the sheet of paper labeled, "What's True." I then instructed Katelyn to physically--and emotionally--set the paper labeled "Amy's Attitude" aside. One at a time, she repeated the exercise for "Ron's Health" and "My Church Family."  I concluded the exercise, just an hour after we had begun, by directing Katelyn to set aside the three sheets of "circumstantial evidence," and to reflect upon the summary sheet of "What's True."

She recognized that she was physically exhausted and in need of a nap; that she was trying to control people and circumstances beyond her purview; and that her narrative, her own story, had become the lens through which she viewed those people and circumstances. We closed by acknowledging her story for what it was--a psychological, though purely fictional, thriller--and by formulating a strategy to work through "what's true" and "what's available for change."

Within the hour, Katelyn had moved from a place of confusion to a place of clarity; from resentment to peace; from not having a clue to having a queue.


So, what would it look like for you to distinguish "What's true?" from your story either at this moment in time or within the broader narrative of your life?

How might this tool help you help another distinguish what's true from the assumptions that have been formed?

Michael Fox
m�agine!

530/613.2774
407 Myrtle Drive
Farmerville, LA, USA 71241  
In addition to personal and professional coaching,
m�agine! specializes in spiritual transformation coaching,
employing its proprietary models
--Values, Vision, Voice
and Heart, Soul, Mind & Strength--

as well as
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator� curriculum
published by CPP, the People Development People.

Michael's books include
 
Complete in Christ,
Complete in Christ Spiritual Transformation Workbook,
and Biblio�files.

Coaching fees are based upon a sliding scale. Contact us for details.
For additional information, visit our website at maginethepossibilities.net.

Limited scholarships are available for spiritual transformation coaching.
On the flip side, if you are able, please inquire about opportunities
to fund scholarships for those who cannot afford coaching fees.

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