November News from Gateway School

Dear Parents,

At Gateway School's recent parent education evening on November 2^nd (hosted by Georgiana Bruce Kirby School), Cyber-Education specialist Lori Getz discussed the difficulty digital immigrants (those of us who were not raised on digital technology and find it foreign and non-intuitive) have effectively parenting digital natives (those for whom computer use, instant access to information and communication, and multi-tasking are natural to them). An important message Ms. Getz imparted to the parents in the audience is how "hard it is to parent in an environment different than the one we were parented in". With the advent of the internet, the lack of privacy in the media, and students' ability to access material, information, and images well beyond their maturity level, parents today often feel as if they are constantly on the defensive and unsure how to keep their children safe, secure, and focused on their future success.

Ms. Getz reminded us that most of the issues that occur with cyber-safety and security are not innate problems with digital technology any more than the telephone and the television were a problem when we were growing up. Rather, they provided us the opportunity to return to sound principles and practices of good parenting. With Grandparents Day fast approaching, I thought it would be worth re-visiting a few of these principles to reflect on their simplicity and effectiveness.

1) Know where your children are going and with whom.
Just as in the physical world, it is important to know where your children are "going" online. Tell them you will be checking their web history to make sure they are not going to illegal or inappropriate sites. If they are on Facebook or other social networking sites, tell them that you want to know who their friends are. If you wouldn't let them be friends or alone with a 25 year-old in the physical world, why would you let them do so online?

2) Set up ground rules for phone use.
None of us would have considered sending pictures of ourselves in compromising situations through the mail or passing along notes about our love life in the middle of our English class. Give your child guidelines on what YOU consider to be inappropriate cell phone use, and if they cannot abide by your expectations, then limit the use or disallow it altogether. Not all cell phones have image sending and receiving capability, and you can discontinue texting service if it is being abused.

3) Model the behavior you want your children to emulate.
We often wonder why our children won't talk to us or are distracted at the dinner table. We are guilty of telling them, "I'll be with you as soon as I finish this last e-mail," or "This is a work call, I have to take it". Set aside family time that is sacrosanct and send your children the message that, at least for this half-hour or hour, they have your undivided attention and are your priority. Your boss may be doing the same thing and might appreciate your focus on your family. (Having dinner with your child fewer than 3 nights a week correlates with an increase in the likelihood of drug use among teens).[1]

These lessons, which worked so effectively for our parents, are still successful today to raising confident and resourceful children. We owe a debt of gratitude to our parents - our students' grandparents - for their support, guidance, and practical suggestions to helping to raise our children. Their focus on the value of family, our security, and ethical decision-making helped us to understand consequences and personal responsibility and taught to distinguish between minor bruises to our esteem and serious injustices. We must pass these lessons in resiliency on to our children.

A parent's love is powerful and abiding. In confusing and uncertain times, we should consider availing ourselves of the wisdom and experience of our elders who not only raised us, but, in many cases, faced far more terrifying circumstances than our children do. Those myriad experiences can assist us tremendously in rearing healthy, safe, and moral children. On November 20^th, we will have a special opportunity to thank our grandparents and special friends from that generation for all that they do. We look forward to seeing them on November 20^th.

Warm Regards,

Percy L. Abram, PhD
Head of School

[1] National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University