In men's eyes, women can be too emotional. Let's look at it another way. Instead of seeing them as too emotional, how about perceiving women as being just more emotional than men? Can you see the judgment in the word 'too'? The area of the brain responsible for emotions is larger in women, with more connections to it. In addition, socially, women have been told while growing up that it is perfectly acceptable and expected to cry and express their feelings.

Men have been wired socially that expressing emotion (other than anger, a "masculine" emotion) is not acceptable, so women's emotions are confusing and threatening to them. Men feel compelled to stop the emotion because for thousands of years they were responsible for keeping the species alive, to fix things. Tears at some deep level in men mean an impending death of sorts, a great sadness. A popular song recites the line, "I die a little each time she cries."

If, for example, you are giving a woman a performance evaluation or review and she starts crying, hand her a tissue and keep talking. She can still hear you. Tell her you can see something is bothering her and ask if you can help. Usually, when women cry in the office it is out of frustration or not feeling understood and heard, not because they are sad or hurt. Remember the movie Courage Under Fire with Denzel Washington and Meg Ryan? Meg and her team were being fired on in the desert and she started crying. One of the soldiers rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, "Oh, terrific, now she's crying!" And she responded, "It's tension, you *@%$!"

Various emotions come out as tears with women. Men, remember that because crying is not natural to most of you, her tears impact you much more than they bother her. You don't necessarily need to do anything when she cries. In personal situations where you know touching is acceptable, a hug or shoulder squeeze often adequately demonstrates that you care. When in doubt, ask!

As for tears in the workplace? Please see the GenderSmart Tip below. Better yet check out my Improving Workplace Communication Between Men and Women Program.   

The older I get, the more I cry. And the more comfortable I am with my tears, as for me, they express my femininity. Not just sad tears, but happy tears, and tears when I'm touched or moved emotionally, even by commercials. Extreme Makeover Home Edition? I'm a goner!

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