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Greetings!
Welcome to the April edition of GenderSmart tips! This month I am
addressing a key difference between the masculine and feminine styles involving
how (and if) they discuss issues and emotions.
People with the feminine style,
usually women but not always, do so more often and are often judged negatively
for it. I'd like to change that damaging perception!
Warm regards for a Happy Spring, Jane Sanders |
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 | Women Discuss Problems and Feelings
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A Style Difference, NOT An
Emotional Overload
Women and men with a predominantly feminine communication style discuss
problems and feelings...they bond and process this way. Discussing issues and
emotions is also a form of consensus-building, another feminine style. But men, or people
with a masculine communication style, who don't discuss problems and feelings as a general rule, watch a woman
talking about things that bother her, and think to themselves, "Yikes, she is a
bottomless pit of problems, an emotional basket case! She is going to fall
apart here any minute!" Not true...it's just a style difference. Men, who process things internally, assume women with this verbal
sharing style are weak, too emotional, and troubled. Women get labeled as
whiners and complainers. Men also sometimes assume that women think men are
responsible for the problem. "Gosh, she must be talking to me about this
because she thinks it's my fault! I'd better do something about it." Or they
think she's asking for help. So they throw out solutions, annoying her and
communicating to her that they think she can't solve it herself. She most often
knows what she needs to do...she's merely processing and sharing. Remember that women simply share more and process out loud. Generally,
women are more verbal than men. Talking through situations and feelings
helps women sort things out and work through the emotion, in addition to
creating rapport and bonding with the person they are processing with. Do women
talk just to talk? You bet they do. And that's okay. It's just a style difference that facilitates their desire to bond, process, and connect. So many
times it's a compliment when a women discusses problems and feelings with a
man! Either she trusts him enough to be vulnerable with him, or she is trying
to connect and build a trusting relationship.I notice myself expressing things verbally more often. I'm just talking!
Just processing and sharing. It truly does feel as if doing so connects me more
closely to the person or people I am talking with. It is important to note,
however, that when in business situations I monitor that tendency to avoid
being misperceived by men and labeled as weak or troubled or "too" talkative
(as opposed to "more" talkative). Also, I try to watch body language so that if
my listener's eyes start to glaze over I'll know when to wrap up.
We need to be aware not only of how we might be misperceiving others, but also
of how we might be "being" misperceived so that we can adjust both our
perceptions and our behavior. Each gender must take half of the responsibility
for how we are perceived...it's a two-way street!
Click here to
read more Jane Sanders' Articles
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| GenderSmart
Tip
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After years as perceiving
differences as bad or wrong, it can be difficult accepting them as just that...merely differences. It
takes awareness and practice, and an open mind. Try to think of a woman
you work with, within your company, a client, peer, etc., whom you admire. A
woman you view as competent and who does high-quality work, who also has this
feminine communication style. As you will notice, discussing problems and
feelings has no direct bearing on intelligence, capability, or performance.
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Quotes Of The Month |
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"If you
desire to handle a good war-horse so as to make his action the more magnificent
and striking, you must refrain from pulling at his mouth with the bit as well
as from spurring and whipping him...but if you teach your horse to go with a
light hand on the bit, and yet to hold his head well up and to arch his neck,
you will be making him do just what the animal himself glories and delights
in." ... Xenophon - the Art of Horsemanship
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some
blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to
be encumbered with your old nonsense."... Ralph Waldo Emerson
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You are welcome to reprint any part of this newsletter as long as you include "By Jane Sanders, GenderSmart® Solutions, 877-343-2150, http://www.janesanders.com."
Contact Information
Phone: 618-204-5540 Toll-Free: 877-343-2150
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